Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Getting Married But Concerned About Assets

38 replies

CosmicCocoPops · 04/02/2023 11:52

Hey all, I’m in an ace relationship with someone very lovely indeed and we’d like to marry. A concern we have though is that he’s on a mortgage with his ex-partner. The split about 10 years ago but he stayed on the mortgage. He pays nothing towards the mortgage. It is an interest only and due to be settled in 3 years. She won’t be able to settle it, but from what I can gather will be reluctant to sell meaning feasibly the house could be repossessed. If we’re married at this time can they come for any of my assets (which I guess when we marry will be joint?) I’m going to seek advice, but am wondering if anyone here has an idea :)

OP posts:
Chowtime · 04/02/2023 11:56

Nope. Don't do it.

Why is his name still on the mortgage 10 years after they split up? Tell him if he wants to marry you he has to cut all financial ties with his ex

Original poster
CosmicCocoPops · 04/02/2023 12:00

A bad decision on his part, for sure, however at time he didn’t want to force the sale, he thought she’d meet someone new/financial circs would change

OP posts:
Catapultaway · 04/02/2023 12:00

What makes you think the house is worth less than they took a mortgage for over ten years ago?

Chowtime · 04/02/2023 12:08

His timing is "interesting" - in 3 years time his house will be repossessed and he wants to marry and buy a house with you, now. 😉 After plodding along quite happily for 10 years.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/02/2023 12:23

Don't do it!

Original poster
CosmicCocoPops · 04/02/2023 12:26

Chowtime · 04/02/2023 12:08

His timing is "interesting" - in 3 years time his house will be repossessed and he wants to marry and buy a house with you, now. 😉 After plodding along quite happily for 10 years.

He has a place separate from that house. She has a child, he didn’t want her to lose her home. It’s that simple. He’s not scoring a fortune marrying me…

OP posts:
filka · 04/02/2023 12:27

He's been divorced separated for 10 years but presumably the house was bought sometime before that. The mortgage is unlikely to be for the full value of the house, even when it was first bought.

I doubt if there is a single house in the country that is worth less now than it was 10 years ago, even after current dips in the market. So there must be a stack of equity in the house both from the time of purchase plus all the growth since then.

She'd be very stupid to let the house be repossessed, it's much better to be in control of the sale if that's what is necessary. But if/when it does get sold there should be plenty of money to repay the mortgage.

Has he stayed on the mortgage because her income isn't enough to meet the lender's requirements? But she's been paying the mortgage so can actually afford it.

What are you going to do about housing when you marry? If you will buy a house with a mortgage then his existing mortgage may reduce how much you can borrow, even if he is not actually contributing.

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/02/2023 12:28

Dunno. But get solid advice before you marry - marriage being a legal contract that binds you.

Original poster
CosmicCocoPops · 04/02/2023 12:28

I’ll just update that there’s nowt sinister here, I’m just wondering if anyone’s had a similar caper? I know quite unusual…

OP posts:
Original poster
CosmicCocoPops · 04/02/2023 12:34

@filka thanks for this :) Yes, he was on the mortgage as she was a low earner. Separated, not divorced. They’d been together 5 or so years and split a few years after they bought that house together. She could afford the payments as interest only. She’s heading towards 60 now (big age gap, he was a naive early 20s when they met) and won’t be able to remortgage, and I’d agree that she’d be nuts to allow her house to be repossessed, but she’s made some pretty interesting decisions in the past, so who can tell! I own my home, mortgage free.

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 04/02/2023 12:35

Why doesn't she remortgage? There must be equity in the property if they bought it 22 years ago. You haven't mentioned children but presumably they would be teenagers by now so she should be working. It doesn't add up. It sounds more like he couldn't be botherd to sort it out, and that is in itself a red flag.

purpledalmation · 04/02/2023 12:36

Don't get married. It's not worth the hassle financially it it goes tits up. You can legally arrange a lot of protections as a couple.

Original poster
CosmicCocoPops · 04/02/2023 12:40

@BaronessBomburst Excellent username! Agree about the quite, although she hasn’t looked after it terrifically well. She’s 57, worked v part-time, not a proper earner ever. Her children all adults, although one still at home and trying to make it in music… I hear you regarding the 🚩 I think he should have sorted too.

OP posts:
Motnight · 04/02/2023 12:40

Why isn't he divorced?

Original poster
CosmicCocoPops · 04/02/2023 12:40

@BaronessBomburst she can’t remortgage, doesn’t earn enough

OP posts:
Original poster
CosmicCocoPops · 04/02/2023 12:41

@Motnight they weren’t married

OP posts:
SnoozyVanWinkle · 04/02/2023 12:41

I don't think you should marry him either. Not only could you get embroiled in this hoo-haa but he must be financially incompetent to let this drag on for a whole decade and then to just think 'oh I'm getting married now' and not get it sorted out first.

Motnight · 04/02/2023 12:43

CosmicCocoPops · 04/02/2023 12:41

@Motnight they weren’t married

Thanks, I had obviously misread

BaronessBomburst · 04/02/2023 12:43

If she sells and repays the lump sum, is there enough left over for her to buy a smaller property? Does your partner have (legally) an equal share in the profits?

Outandover · 04/02/2023 12:45

I know someone who got divorced but over 15 years later his ex-wife was still named on the mortgage (she never paid it, they never bothered sorting this out at the time of the divorce - I don’t know any details). He wanted to re-mortgage and the bank advised asking her to sign specific documents rescinding her ownership (or something to that effect). All done and the ex was happy to do this.

You need to see a solicitor, however I think you’d be a fool to marry until he has completely cut all financial ties legally. You owning your own mortgage-free home could mean you may be forced to sell if the situation with the ex’s house gets messy. If he loves you he’ll wait.

Original poster
CosmicCocoPops · 04/02/2023 12:47

@SnoozyVanWinkle I do deffo hear this.
@BaronessBomburst yes, there’s enough, but not enough to buy a gaff big enough for her and son and her elderly mum (who lives in annexe), and dogs.

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 04/02/2023 12:49

I, personally, would not be inclined to marry someone so financially irresponsible.
Age and experience has left me more practical than romantic.
Just live together, and keep your money separate.

Original poster
CosmicCocoPops · 04/02/2023 12:49

@BaronessBomburst I guess feasibly he has a share, but he won’t be pursuing it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CosmicCocoPops · 04/02/2023 12:50

@Outandover thanks for this :)

OP posts:
Original poster
CosmicCocoPops · 04/02/2023 12:51

BaronessBomburst · 04/02/2023 12:49

I, personally, would not be inclined to marry someone so financially irresponsible.
Age and experience has left me more practical than romantic.
Just live together, and keep your money separate.

nodding

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread