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Original poster

TW…………….suicide attempt

14 replies

Lostinplaces · 03/02/2023 17:36

My DF is in hospital after attempting suicide. I am a mess and don’t know what to do. DM
is with him. He has some injuries but will pull through. I am so shocked and swinging from devastation to anger to I don’t know what. How could he do it? To himself, my DM, my children. He was just going to shuffle off and never see any of us again. No previous mental health issues but has had some health issues recently which have led to financial stresses. I just can’t process.
Thank goodness he was found and taken to hospital. I don’t know what to do to help my mum. I have teens who I don’t want to find out. I feel so sick and stressed.

OP posts:

DeadbeatYoda · 03/02/2023 17:47

So sorry to hear this LostinPlaces, you must be in bits. I can't offer any more than a hand hold and my hope that you have good support around you. This is so traumatic for you, don't try and get through this without supper from loved ones or mental health services. Samaritans number is: 116 123, btw.

I understand not wanting to tell the teens just now. All the best.

Princessglittery · 03/02/2023 18:15

for you and your family.

In the short term it’s supporting your DM and allowing yourself to go through the range of emotions to process what has happened.

custardbear · 03/02/2023 18:18

I'm so sorry OP. My mum took an overdose and cousin actually died by suicide. With them it was depression, alcohol and giving up. I'd say find out what the issue is, get a professional to help and move onwards. My DD had an existential crisis last year, it could be similar if he had no other issues. Hers was hidden as she was masking ASD for a long time and just broke, thankfully she's a different child now but it is frightening x

Badger1970 · 03/02/2023 18:22

What a shock for you all.

He must have felt very very desperate and that there was no other way out. He's likely to be feeling ashamed, embarrassed and that his "secret" is now out. Poor man.

It would really helpful for all of you to engage with professional support here. Don't be afraid to ask for it.

Original poster

Lostinplaces · 03/02/2023 18:48

Thank you all for your kind replies. I keep telling myself he must have been desperate and he’s mentally unwell.
It’s so hard not feel angry with him. My DB and I had both offered financial support but he refused and has got himself in such a state that it’s led to this. He only had to accept the help but he was too proud. I keep visualising the attempt in my mind and him laying in pain helpless until he was found. I can’t seem to stop the images. it’s so distressing.

OP posts:

Quveas · 03/02/2023 18:54

Contrary to expectations, older men are at very high risk of suicide. There are enormous pressures on women and girls to conform to some sort of "ideal". That are often damaging to women. It's often forgotten that there are equally damaging expectations on men that they also cannot live up to. They are supposed to be strong protectors, providers, and the like. They aren't supposed to struggle with these things, and if they do they are "weak". This feeds suicide rates amongst men - they can't admit to being weak, so they can't seek help.

Your mum needs support. Your dad needs it too. He needs to know that he doesn't have to be strong, he doesn't have to provide, and it's OK to talk and to ask for help.

You need to know that he didn't do this to hurt you or anyone else.

And you need to talk to your teens. They'll find out anyway. It can't be hidden. But they should understand that no matter what happens harming oneself is never an option, that we all need to stand with each other and there are always people to talk to and who love you no matter what.

Choconut · 03/02/2023 19:24

You should definitely talk to your teens, this isn't something to feel ashamed about and hide away from. Remember DF is still alive which is fantastic and hopefully can get all the help and support he needs now. It really good for them to understand that people go through things, that there are ways to handle it and not to let things get to the point where they are so desperate - that asking for and accepting help is really, really important and not a sign of weakness.

Let go of the anger when you speak to them and get them to talk about MH and what they have done about it at school - they will have done a lot I'm sure especially if they are in the higher years at secondary school. They will probably also know or have heard of people at school that self harm, or who suffer from anxiety or have eating disorders or who knows what other MH issues - sadly they are rife in secondary school. Then you can talk about ways people might handle these issues, ask what they would do, who they could talk to (they may or may not want to talk to a parent).

Original poster

Lostinplaces · 04/02/2023 07:33

I’m listening about talking to my teenagers. DM has asked me to hold off at the moment as she wants to speak to DF about it first. At the moment all they know is that he’s had a fall and is in hospital.
Does anyone know what might happen now regarding MH assessment? he will have to stay in hospital due to his injuries regardless but I’m just wondering what might happen re; psychiatric care. I’m very worried he might try again when he’s discharged.

OP posts:

jesper1 · 04/02/2023 08:10

In my experience the mental health support following a suicide attempt is poor

My own dad lost his life this way and my daughter has attempted and survived

My daughter was released the next day and no further support offered it was down to me to keep her safe

If you can pay privately I would suggest that you do.

FenghuangHoyan · 04/02/2023 08:17

Lostinplaces · 04/02/2023 07:33

I think you should speak to your dad. Look him in the eye when you do and say that you would have been destroyed by his loss. Let him know it was in no way a good thing for you and never would be and would have upset you a huge amount.

I think that will have more impact than anything else anyone else can do it say. Trust me, facing your own children and trying to explain a suicide attempt is fucking hard.

You do need to help him though as once tried, the risk is greater. Hopefully he now feels he can talk and accept support so he doesn't get the same place again. Oh and being angry at him won't help him. It might help you, but it might make him feel he's let people down and failed again and no one loves him, so why not try again.

Quveas · 04/02/2023 08:26

You might find this useful - mensmindsmatter.org/

Original poster

Lostinplaces · 04/02/2023 08:32

@FenghuangHoyan its ok I don’t feel so angry today. I wouldn’t have shown him my anger anyway for fear of exactly what you said. I don’t want to push him towards another attempt.

OP posts:

ColaBottlesYum · 04/02/2023 08:34

Oh, what a shock.

He is safe now. Just hugs and love.

It's really kind of you to offer to help him with his financial problems.

He is not going to be feeling good, perhaps channel your anger and hurt elsewhere. Really valid and you should process them - but not with him right now in hospital.

Take care

ALittleBitAhAh · 04/02/2023 08:42

So sorry to hear this OP. In our hospital he would now be seen by the Psychiatric Liaison Team for an assessment and to help formulate a plan moving forwards.

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