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Original poster

Return to UK or slog it out here for another year??

24 replies

MintyBinty · 03/02/2023 11:17

I moved to a foreign country for better work opportunities, pay etc a few years ago but since then my “D”H (STBXH) ended our marriage and although I have found a way to cope with everything I find myself missing home, my family especially (parents not getting any younger).

But all I hear about the UK is how difficult life is. How expensive everything is. I have a well-paid job in the country I live in, and would only make half back in the UK. Would I be mad to come home? My current work contract ends in 2024 but I don’t know if I can stay out here until then, I get so depressed sometimes - but then would living in the UK help or just add to my mental health woes??

I’m feeling a bit stuck, any advice on what to expect upon return would be appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:

moonbows · 03/02/2023 11:18

Uk is not a happy place right now, but you could still be happier here.

MadeOfSteel · 03/02/2023 11:21

Your mental health is such zn important thing. I'd come home, if I were in your position.

Ladyofthesea · 03/02/2023 11:24

How old are you and do you have kids? Would you feel happier with a plan to go back home but not just yet, as in rent sometging really cheap where you are now and save lots of money for the next 6/9/12 months while you figure out where you can live and work in the UK?

Ladyofthesea · 03/02/2023 11:53

I think that life is a lot easier if you have bouggt a house/flat with a large deposit and a long fixed mortgage. Mortgage is a large bill for most people, if you can buy something very well within your means then life is so much easier.

WaggyTailsWetNoses · 03/02/2023 11:59

I'd much rather be a bit poorer in the right place than a bit richer in the wrong place. Relationships are the most important thing, and if you miss those, come back to them. I think that most people are feeling the pinch. Yes, for some people that is choosing between heating and eating. But for those with decent jobs, it's more about putting off getting a new car for another year, or a slightly cheaper holiday. The rising cost of everything at least give us something other than the weather to moan about!

Original poster

MintyBinty · 03/02/2023 12:02

Thanks for all your replies. I have saved enough that I can get on the property ladder when I return. But if I stay an extra year it’s more money, more savings to add to the pot. But I’m just feeling like that’s the only reason to stay and it just doesn’t seem worth it. Especially as I’ve saved a chunk already. I miss home and my family, friends so much.

OP posts:

CatOnTheChair · 03/02/2023 12:10

There was a saying when we were abroad about leaving when either your shit bucket is full or your cash bucket was full.
If there are no kids involved, it sounds like your shit bucket is full, and your cash bucket is fairly healthy.
Come home. Sounds like you need the support of people back in the UK.
If kids are involved, the situation changes.

katscamel · 03/02/2023 12:10

Do you enjoy the work that you do in the country you're in? Do you have a better standard of living? Can you get back to the UK fairly quickly in an emergency? If the answer is yes then I'd stick it out until next year.
It isn't an easy decision, I'm regularly overseas and often wonder if, now my parents are older and have health problems I should go back but...

Thet have always said that I shouldn't move back just for them.
I have tried it.... lasted nearly a year and couldn't wait to leave again....and that was when things weren't as bad as they are now.

You've been through a rough patch but you can get through it. Maybe start making a plan for when you do return .... where do you want to live?, have you already got property? If not are you going to rent or buy? Look at your credit rating, could you start researching companies you'd like to work for and look at their current job offers?

Could friends/relatives visit you....I know this often doesn't happen due to the costs involved, could you take extended leave and go back either for 1 longer holiday or 2 shorter ones?

skippymcflippy · 03/02/2023 12:45

Where are you? I do think that makes a difference. Are you somewhere where you can make local friends and establish a life there, hobbies etc? Do you have children - are they in a local school with local friends? What is the lifestyle like? Is the quality of life better than the UK.
I'm abroad and won't ever be going back to the UK. I do miss family and friends but I've also established myself here and have a lifestyle (very outdoorsy) which I couldn't have had in the Uk.

I think if you are literally just in the country to work and make money and go home and just sit around at night with no local friends and support network then that's not great - so you might feel better returning to the UK and having people around. If you've made enough money abroad to be financially comfortable back in the uk - including buying a property without a huge mortage - then maybe think about it. If not, stay where you are for a few more years to up the amount of money you have saved, maybe saying you'll reassess the situation in 3 years.

It's really hard - and as I said - it does depend on where you are. I can imagine some places where ex-pats work as being very soulless and you end up in an ex-pat bubble with people constantly coming and going and no sense of permanence. But there are other places "abroad" where you can have a really great life and be part of a community, have hobbies and so on.
And how old are you? That also makes a difference.

Original poster

MintyBinty · 03/02/2023 14:37

Not to be outing but I’m late 30s and living in China. I have a pretty good circle of friends but lots of people have left/are leaving. No kids. I’ve tried dating out here and it’s awful. I go on hardly any dates and trying to find a guy I actually like feels almost impossible. I think that moving home would fix that issue for me.

My concern is as a pp said that I’ll return, get bored and want to leave again. Which I feel may end up a possibility. However it would mean getting experience working in the UK which would definitely help my CV. However if I leave this year, I break my current contract which I would rather not do. Just feeling so confused.

OP posts:

Original poster

MintyBinty · 03/02/2023 14:38

One of my main concerns is, I stay and it’s another year where I’m not dating and it could mean potentially missing out on having a family, time isn’t on my side.

OP posts:

Crikeyalmighty · 03/02/2023 14:42

I think you should come back OP. If you were happy there I would say no - but you don't sound it

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 03/02/2023 14:51

Depending on what you do, do you have to come all the way back? Would extending the adventure side closer to home, Europe for example give you a balance of being near enough for a weekend break but far enough to not be bored?

KangarooKenny · 03/02/2023 14:54

In a years time the house prices may well have gone up. I’d come back now.

Original poster

MintyBinty · 04/02/2023 00:17

I feel like moving closer ie somewhere in Europe would just be more of the same though, I’d still be an expat. Also my job would benefit from me spending some time in tbe UK.

It’s just the cost of living that worries me, a lot of people seem to be struggling at the moment and I have a great lifestyle where I am. But it’s so transient and I’m tired of that I need more stability in my life now.

OP posts:

Original poster

MintyBinty · 04/02/2023 00:17

Thank you everyone for your replies they’ve all been really helpful.

OP posts:

MrsGhandi · 04/02/2023 00:21

I was an expat for 26 years. I would say to you that by the time you have booked in several holidays for the next year the time will go fast. You have mentioned the work and financial rewards. There is always another chapter in the book.

skippymcflippy · 04/02/2023 12:21

Having read your updates I think I would be inclined to complete the contract and then move back. The time will pass quickly, especially if you take all the holiday you are entitled to.
Yes, the cost of living in the UK is high and problematic but I think you would feel happier with stability - ie. a stable group of friends and not transient ex-pats. And you aren't saying anything positive about the country - eg. you are loving the culture, great local friends, lots to do etc.

If you really feel your mental health is suffering then do end the contract early and go back.

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 30/03/2023 08:10

I moved to the Netherlands 8 years ago, and while it has been hard at times, and learning a new language in my late 40s was hard, I love it here, and the freedom to drive to other European countries. Now planning to buy a place in France or Spain to live in for part of the year,as I have arthritis and my knees do not do well in cold, wet climates. Yes I will have to learn another language, and yes it will be slow going and time consuming, but the benefits will be immense.

underneaththeash · 30/03/2023 09:06

How old are you?

BobShark · 30/03/2023 09:33

Honestly based on what you have said, and from what I'm hearing about the uk right now, I would plan to head home after your contract finishes. A year is nothing, and knowing it has an end date will make it much easier.

If you want to consider dating, go for a month visit in six months and date while you're there on holiday, you may be surprised at who you meet, they can visit you if it's got potential.

YogaLite · 30/03/2023 09:38

I would stay and make most of the area or even bigger area by visiting places in Asia that are out of reach of most of Europeans, eg Japan etc.

The house prices could go either way and even if up, u would have saved even more.

You could invite some people over to enjoy foreign places together.

Coastalvenues · 30/03/2023 09:38

underneaththeash · 30/03/2023 09:06

How old are you?

OP is 30

Coastalvenues · 30/03/2023 09:39

I'd come back in a heartbeat. I've lived abroad, family and friends in the UK trumped everything for me tbh

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