Big event- would you go?

[PocketRocket45]

I have a big birthday this year and my best friend offered to take me to an amazing event, a once in a lifetime sort of thing. I would love to, but am really anxious about it! It's a huge event (think sporting event, stadium size, tens of thousands of people). I've been quite anxious since having DC and am convinced I am going to die if I go (train crash, terror attack, stampede, whatever else!) and it will ruin their lives forever and it would be really selfish of me to go.

I think it's not helped by the fact I have not been anywhere since pre covid and got used to my little village life. Going seems a completely reckless thing to do.

Any thoughts welcome, including things like "you're more at risk crossing the road everyday" "you're more likely to screw up your kids by letting anxiety rule your life" or whatever. It's all I've been thinking about for the last 2 days, I just don't know what to do. It would be so much easier to just drop out.

Will you regret it if you don't go and missed the opportunity??
I think you should seriously consider it and also get some counselling for the anxiety.

Is it something you'd have previously wanted to go to?
It's something like Wimbledon, a big public entertainment thing, right?
If it's something you'd have normally liked I'd go - is your friend aware of your fears? You can prep for these things - read reviews, ask people who've been how it all works. Buy yourself a nice new outfit.

If a very good friend of mine wanted to take me to Wimbledon I'd be nervous at the new experience for sure but I'd also jump at the chance! (Just sayin... 😂)

Yes it's something we'd always said we'd do together and now we have the opportunity. Not Wimbledon though, I'd love that too!
The way my anxiety works is that the anticipation is always the worst bit as I go through all possible horrible scenarios. But when actually doing things I'm usually fine, so I wouldn't be having a panic attack on the day or anything like that and would enjoy it I'm sure.
I guess I'd like reassurance that people with children still do things and don't stay locked in their house to make sure they don't leave their children motherless.
The way I'm reassuring myself at the moment is that at least they are quite little so if something happened to me they would hopefully not remember me and be OK. How bad is that!

Go with your friend.

If course it isn’t reckless or selfish.

You are imprisoning yourself inside your own anxieties and your world will shrink and shrink. A terrible role model for your kids.

Maybe look at some techniques for controlling your thoughts?

Apart from anything else, far more people go out and about to events than stay at home the whole time! Think how many are in stadiums , theatres, concert venues throughout the land on any given Saturday. They aren’t selfish or reckless, they are normal! And having a good time.

If the event is something you would enjoy, go!

Oh gosh I totally get it. I can be like this too but I'm a lot older and I've found my way with it, which is I spend huge amounts of time safe at home but I go out and have adventures and I plan meticulously and I really actually enjoy them, I've just learnt over the years how to do it I suppose.
I can tell you this - you WILL have an amazing time and it'll be a bit easier next time too, and you'll be pleased you did it. The chances of encountering a disaster such as you fear are very very very slim. I really encourage you to say yes and take it from there. And do as much planning as you need to, I find it very reassuring knowing where I'm going to eat for instance and that I can eat something I like - all of which is so much easier now with the internet. And timings, I plan timings really carefully. And a proper list of everything I'm going to need to have with me. It helps me feel more in control. Good luck OP.

@PocketRocket45 of course mothers go out & do stuff! You can't stay in your village, not crossing the road, for the next 20-30 years!!

lots of mums fly internationally for work, many cross london roads, daily!

that's without the extreme sports mums who do mad things like sail around the world solo or hurl themselves down mountains in skis or race luge.

You know your 'anticipation anxiety' is worse than the actuality. GO

GO & enjoy yourself! You're a Mum not a prisoner!!

I mean this kindly. Consider the other angle; you are already condemning your children to a life of fear and anxiety by continuing in your current frame of mind. You are teaching them that they should be excessively fearful of the world, and are preventing them taking a rational approach to risk identification and management.

The risks of you dying while out at the event are probably small (unless you are going cave diving). So you are fearful of a low probability/ high consequence risk, but not recognising that there is also the potential for damage to your children from your current mindset.

It may help to get some counselling, but recognising the above may help you to re-frame your worries.

I hope this helps, and I hope this is something you can work through to make your life happier. 🌻