Does anyone feel like they've been left behind in life

[Zamaos]

Im in my 40s now and have so much to be grateful for but feel like a complete failure to be honest. I know I shouldn't complain or compare myself to others but looking at my peers, most have flourished in life with good jobs and a decent level of quality of life. They've grown in confidence, developed as people and have better lives for it.

I, on the other hand look back and have just struggled. Struggled through a horrible childhood which has destroyed me. I have quite bad social anxiety from early childhood and as a result couldn't find a job related to my vocational degree. I felt so ashamed about it and still do. I never put it on CVs. My children think I've never been to uni.

I've only been able to secure low paid entry level admin jobs, never been able to step up.
As a result I'm stuck on a council estate, rubbing two pennies together, never being able to afford anything. The only good thing in my life are my kids but I feel I've let them down. I haven't been able to provide for them the way I would have liked.

I'm in my 40s now and I'm tired, mentally and physically. I'm not hopeful for the future When I once was, foolishly thinking things might change. I might change. Life has taken it's toll and taken it out of me. Will be glad when it's over.

Sorry, this has turned into a big moan but wondered if anyone feels similar to me.

Yup, me. Mid 50s, never got an education because I was being so brutally abused at home. I've been in survival ever since. I am now trying to step back into life properly for the first time after therapy. It feels like pushing the Titanic.

I’m so sorry, OP. It sounds like life has been really hard for you. Are you on any wait lists for mental health help? I know the lists are long at the moment, but speaking with someone to process some of the childhood trauma might be a start.

How old are your kids? 40s is still young! I don’t use my degree and am planning to retrain once my kids have flown the nest. Could you aim toward retraining in something you enjoy once they leave home?

Right. Well you’re not a failure - surviving is always a triumph!

But honestly, you need to tell your children today that you went to university! Why deprive them of a reason to feel proud of you? And how will they know you can encourage them in their own aspirations if they don’t know everything about yours?

Anyway. The fantastic thing is that if you completed your first degree you are eligible for a Government Postgraduate Loan

www.gov.uk/funding-for-postgraduate-study

for pretty much any postgrad degree in the country. (In the same way as first degrees, nothing is repayable unless / until you subsequently reach a certain income level.)

You don’t say how old your children are, or whether your employers are supportive - but I honestly would give further study serious consideration. It is the one thing, within your own control, that might transform your life for the better.

You are not as old and exhausted as you think. You just need a new path. BTW - you also need the Mature Study and Retraining board, here:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/mature_students

to give you some inspiration and hope.

Another useful resource might be the National Careers Service - almost limitless info on routes into various jobs and careers and one to one careers advice.

National Careers Service

But please, trust me - you are far from the first person to feel despair over their life. There is sure to be a way out of this.

Yep the same, I’m actually going away for a few days later this month on the credit card because I’m so down about life in general I need to get away and try and get a plan together.

Also abusive childhood and being on constant high alert must have an impact on the developing brain.

Also have huge social anxiety issues. It’s awful isn’t it.

I sometimes feel the same way, no hardship like you and have a well paid job but just feel that my peers have done so much more with their lives... They have traveled more, earn more money and just had better experiences...

I then think back and came to the conclusion that you just have to do the best with what you have... we were lucky to have kids... and a job, house etc... there will always be a reason for feeling down... but once you focus on activities and in the moment it all does not matter... its all a matter of perspective...

OP you can read, write have access to the internet... have some level of decent education and can find work and have a roof over your head... try and enjoy the little moments... go help a homeless person or cook a meal for a neighbor these little gestures will make you feel more alive.