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Original poster

Feel so anxious looking after my neice

20 replies

Cats2023 · 01/02/2023 21:00

I have my neice for a full day a couple of times a month to help out my brother and his wife and to build a nice relationship with my neice. I love her to bits and I enjoy seeing her each time.
My problem is that I feel really unconfident and anxious about it. I don't have my own kids.
I have a senior job in a caring profession so I know I am capable of caring for multiple people at the same time but today I found myself worrying

is she too hot/too cold
at the park were other people judging us as my brother didn't put any hat or gloves in her bag and it was cold
is she having a good time
is she eating enough

I could go on and on tbh. I just don't know how to calm these anxious feelings. For the record, I have anxiety and I receive care for that so I'm not looking at suggestions for meds or counselling. Any thoughts anyone. Please be kind, I don't feel good about this and I really want to keep looking after my neice.

OP posts:

Nagado · 01/02/2023 21:33

I feel for you. I have my nephew each week and it was terrifying until I got used to it. It does get easier, I promise. And when they’re feeling sleepy and just want to snuggle up to you for a nap, it is all worth it!

EezyOozy · 01/02/2023 21:35

How old is she ?

RoseslnTheHospital · 01/02/2023 21:42

If she's willing to come and stay with you each time and isn't crying her eyes out 24/7 whilst she's with you then I reckon she's doing alright and is quite happy. Parents don't have any additional skills compared to aunts, it's just practice and familiarity.

If she's cold, she'll tell you, or she'll go blue and start shivering.

If shes hot, she'll take some clothes off, or try to, she might go red and sweaty!

If she's hungry, she'll ask for more. If she's having a good time, she won't be crying or nervous.

And other people aren't judging, they're too busy with their own kids and their own lives. Even if anyone judges, so what? They aren't an authority on your niece or on parenting!

Original poster

Cats2023 · 02/02/2023 20:05

Thanks everyone these replies are helpful. She's just turned 2. My brothers wife has such high standards as well it sometimes makes me feel like I'm not doing a good enough job.

OP posts:

Icecreamandapplepie · 02/02/2023 20:09

Your neice and her parents are lucky to have you! I wish our children had an aunt that enjoyed spending time with them.

For what it's worth, when mine were just turned two, I worried about all the same things you are...

Twawmyarse2 · 02/02/2023 20:11

My brothers wife has such high standards as well it sometimes makes me feel like I'm not doing a good enough job

You’re brothers wife is, I’m sure, just grateful to have such a lovely SIL to regularly look after her child!

All you are really saying is that you care too much - you don’t have kids of your own so it’s natural to feel anxious that you’re doing things “properly” - I felt like this with my first child. You’ll learn as you go along - remind your brother to put hat&gloves in for her next time for example (not saying it’s your job to remind him but maybe he didn’t know you were going to take her out?)

You sound like a lovely aunt - try to enjoy it, I’m sure you will have a special relationship with her from being so involved and I wish I’d had a dsis/SIL who’d been so keen to spend time with my dc’s.

Original poster

Cats2023 · 02/02/2023 20:13

I never had any aunts and uncles that were involved in my upbringing so I wanted my neice to.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cats2023 · 02/02/2023 20:14

Twawmyarse2 · 02/02/2023 20:11

My brothers wife has such high standards as well it sometimes makes me feel like I'm not doing a good enough job

You’re brothers wife is, I’m sure, just grateful to have such a lovely SIL to regularly look after her child!

Thank you @Twawmyarse2 😊

OP posts:

jtaeapa · 02/02/2023 20:15

It's likely she's completely fine. It would show otherwise: too hot-red faced/agitated. Too cold - shivering, miserable. Hungry - would let you know verbally or otherwise.

SalviaOfficinalis · 02/02/2023 20:16

They’re all very lucky to have you!
Don’t worry, at that age your niece would definitely let you know if something was amiss.

VerbenaGirl · 02/02/2023 20:19

You sound like an amazing auntie and I bet your DN has a lovely time with you.

Geranium1984 · 02/02/2023 20:21

I've got a 2yo ds and worry about all those things OP, it's normal! Just wrap them up and offer food/snacks every so often.

So lovely that your building a nice bond together, enjoy the time whilst she's young 😀

Hidingawaytoday · 02/02/2023 20:27

You sound like a lovely aunt OP, I wish my sisters lived closer so they could see dd more.

I agree with pp's too - I worry exactly the same things about my 18m dd 😆.

I'm sure you're doing a great job! I remember how nervous I was the first time I looked after my goddaughter (pre-dd), and her dad said to me 'you can't really go wrong, you've just got to keep her alive for a couple of hours... it's not really that hard'

tealandteal · 02/02/2023 20:27

Being responsible for small humans is scary! You sound like a lovey aunt and I would love to have someone like that in my DC’s lives. If she doesn’t eat enough for one day she will be fine but at 2 she will usually let you know loud and clear if she’s hungry. Just think about how many layers you are wearing and she is wearing and keep an eye on her colour to see if she is blue/red.

Camillialane · 02/02/2023 20:28

Might it help to ask your brother about these? E.g ask him how he'd know if she's having a good time, ask how much he would expect her to eat, ask for the signs that she's too hot/cold. His answers might reassure you a bit. TBH I think the answer to most of them is that, if she's not crying, she's ok!

saturdaymorningbored · 02/02/2023 20:32

You sound fab op. The things you are worrying about are normal worries.
I'm sure your bil/sil are grateful for your help and you are building a great relationship with your niece. I can imagine when she's older she'll love having an aunt who is there for her

BCxx · 02/02/2023 20:33

Do you think it’s because her mum isn’t your sister? If it was your sister’s child you’d maybe feel more comfortable to just say or ask about the gloves etc. I personally always have a hat on my 18 month old, gloves can be hit or miss whether he’s willing to wear them! I think it’s something that will come with time. I’m an anxious person too but as the mum you know the buck stops with you type thing so you don’t really worry so much if you’re doing stuff right. By 2 they’re really quite robust though, as long as you’re keeping her safe you can’t go far wrong! It sounds like it would be good if you had your thing you did with her that she really liked and associated with you. I don’t know what that could be, whether it’s just going to a certain coffee shop, walk, soft play, class etc. Things like that would help you bond and build your confidence. The more you have to tell her parents when you go back will also add to your confidence as you see her do certain things each time

Vallmo47 · 02/02/2023 20:34

What a lovely post - sorry OP I know you are struggling with your own thoughts but it’s just utterly lovely to read of someone doting on a little person! Usually it’s the people who don’t worry who are sometimes getting it wrong in my experience. You’re a lovely aunt and you will feel more relax each time you spend with her.

BCxx · 02/02/2023 20:35

As others have said, just want to add you do sound fab and it’s amazing that you’re pushing yourself out your comfort zone to help them and do something nice for her. I also think it’s great you’re doing it while she’s still quite young as I think these feelings of awkwardness would be much worse if you started off taking out a 4/5 year old for example. Just think what a bond you’ll have when shes 4 or 5 ☺️

SalviaOfficinalis · 02/02/2023 21:29

p.s. even though I have a 2 year old I probably wouldn’t feel that comfortable looking after someone else’s 2 year old, so you’re doing great, and the anxiety is normal I think.

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