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February alcohol free/moderation thread - graduates and flunkies of Dry Jan 2023, new members welcome!

268 replies

MeinKraft · 01/02/2023 13:49

Dry January has come to an end (sooner for some of us than others Blush) but the alcohol free fun doesn't have to stop there!

Whether you're wanting to extend your drought, moderate your drinking on an ongoing basis or are thinking of going dry for Lent and want to prepare why not join us to discuss all things alcohol free!

OP posts:
OneFrenchEgg · 10/02/2023 20:58

That's interesting @Champagneforeveryone so are you and dh only drinking together?
I've noticed that dh drinks more now I'm not drinking! Like a glass of wine or a beer not loads.

SeasonsBleatings · 11/02/2023 22:59

Just checking in and also hoping all well for Freshstart and others. Stayed dry on Fri and Sat nights so feeling proud!

FenghuangHoyan · 11/02/2023 23:17

I'll be 7 years sober on Wednesday. It was tough to make the first month stick, but after a while it got easier. Telling myself I'd spent enough of my life drinking and needed to see how life was without drink helped.

AF drinks helped in the first year or so, but I no longer drink then as I no longer like the taste they're trying to mimic which is good. I'm the last year I've only had a couple of times when I had a passing thought about alcohol. I'd never be able to afford it these days anyway.

Overall, I'd say life is that e better without alcohol. My skin, eyes and health and sleep are better. My work productivity is better. I can hop in the car whenever I want. I don't make an idiot of myself trying to cook Christmas dinner drunk. I don't slur at the kids or set a bad example for them. I have more time. I don't have any of those bloody awful hangovers.

Downsides are I've less friends as they still go to the pub. I've no longer got my crutch to hide my anxiety behind (bit now I'm working on sorting out it) and life feels a bit raw at times. But e equally, I can appreciate life better and things like sunsets are more vivid. My depression has also lifted.

Anyway. Hope that helps. I wish I'd never started drinking and I wish I'd quit earlier. I did so many stupid things through drink. I'm really proud of myself for quitting and sticking with it and I've never regretted stopping and I will never drink again.

Take care and stick with it.

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Champagneforeveryone · 12/02/2023 03:19

Thanks for that fenghuang, that's a really heartening thing to read and echoes a lot of my own feelings.

I can't imagine myself not drinking when I'm on holiday or on a sunny afternoon in a beer garden, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to moderate. If that's the case then I probably will need to go completely AF.

I've also realised how much of my holidays have probably passed me by as I would normally drink more when away. This makes me sad, and all the more determined not to let it happen again.

Submariner · 12/02/2023 07:36

That is inspiring @FenghuangHoyan ! Thank you for sharing!

Stickywhitelovepiss · 12/02/2023 07:41

Had my first falling off the wagon dream last night (I'm now extending to end of March). Woke up so relieved!

MeinKraft · 12/02/2023 08:21

Champagneforeveryone · 10/02/2023 15:17

DH has a tooth abscess and is on scary sounding antibiotics that come with dire warnings about not mixing them with alcohol.

Previously I would have been peeved about this as it would mean my drinking would have been curtailed, or even stopped if I was feeling overly supportive. DH would have been vanishingly unlikely to complete the full course, not being able to drink playing a large part of this decision. Now I'm secretly relieved as that's another 7 days where DH won't drink so I definitely won't (I am far more invested in being AF than he is)

Although he's just shuffled off for a lie down, then come back for his phone "in case he needs to call for help", so it seems there's a chance he may not even make it to 7 days at all 😉

Has he got his dressing gown of doom on Grin

I didn't drink on Friday or Saturday night! Just didn't want to spend the money tbh I've got used to not throwing money away on booze and I like having more to spend on other stuff!

OP posts:
FenghuangHoyan · 12/02/2023 08:33

Champagneforeveryone · 12/02/2023 03:19

Thanks for that fenghuang, that's a really heartening thing to read and echoes a lot of my own feelings.

I can't imagine myself not drinking when I'm on holiday or on a sunny afternoon in a beer garden, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to moderate. If that's the case then I probably will need to go completely AF.

I've also realised how much of my holidays have probably passed me by as I would normally drink more when away. This makes me sad, and all the more determined not to let it happen again.

You're welcome. It took me many attempts and many Day 1s to quit, so you can do it. Ref moderating, I quit for 18 months once and then thought "I have this beat, I can moderate now" and I started drinking again. Within 6 months I was back to my old drinking patterns, so I realised that for me, moderating was not possible.

Regards holidays, I've been there, especially when there's "free" drink on an all inclusive. I've ended up drinking until I became dehydrated and suffering from sunstroke and had to stay in bed the next day(s) and I've obviously drunk until I've become an embarrassment and / or stroppy. Looking back, I missed so much because of the drink.

I've been on holidays since (including all inclusive cruises) and I've not drunk alcohol and you know what, it's so much better. You have so much more time and energy and you notice more and do more. I was getting up and running round the deck as dawn came up rather than groaning in bed until midday. I was in the pool, I was on the excursions. I did loads and I can remember it all and none of it makes me cringe (well, maybe some of the pictures of me in the pool, but I digress ). I much much prefer holidays sober and didn't think that would ever be a thing (same with Christmas).

I've found that soft drinks taste so much nicer and I no longer get to that point in the evening where I realise mid sentence that my brain has shut down and I'm talking slurry garbage.. Loudly. I am getting on a bit so I need all the help I can get these days and on the health front, not drinking has made a huge difference. And you can keep hangovers. I used to get bloody awful ones where I'd just lie there all day wishing I was dead.

If it helps, I drank to excess (up to 7 nights a week) including to blackout levels from the age of 18 to 46. I came from a family who drank heavily and I joined the military and discovered it. Everyone I knew drank heavily and I thought the amount I drank was normal (though I obviously knew it was above those "ludicrous" guidelines that "no one" sticks to). I was very addicted to the point where I had the shakes. During my drinking days I did the odd dry January to "prove" to myself that I didn't have a problem, but I now know that anyone can white knuckle it for a month. I was kidding myself.

Alcohol is a very very addictive drug and the ethanol in it damages every organ in the body and it is carcinogenic (I've now reached an age where that word is no longer dismissed with a laugh). I used to joke "well, you've got to die of something, so you might as well die of something you enjoy" when drinking, thinking I was indestructible. I didn't realise the insidious damage it was doing to my body and more importantly my brain.

I found the book "The Easy Way to Quit Drinking" by Allen Carr (I think that's the books name) to help. I thought it was garbage on when I read it, but I've never really drunk since so I think it made a difference, but in the end it was realising I had a problem and I couldn't moderate and that each time I failed, I would start again. I had so many Day Ones.

Oh and I was a high functioning alcoholic. No one knew, not even myself. I could quit for a week or so. I had a well paying job and lots of friends and went to the gym and all that normal stuff. But the alcohol was always there. No holiday or event passed without it. No "problem" wasn't drowned but it (rather than dealt with) and so much of life was missed and so many stupid things were done or said.

Good luck with whatever you want your drinking to become. I helped people with addictions for a long time, so I know how hard it is and I know all about the little voice that is saying to you "you're not like them, you don't have a real problem, you could quit anytime you want" as you read this. Don't listen to it. That little voice is your addiction. So is "you can have just one and stop" and "I can never really stop, so what's the point?".

If you want to stop you can. It's hard (alcohol is more addictive than heroin, and for those dependent on it, more dangerous to quit) but it's worth it. Trust me on that. I've been there. It took me about three years of trying to quit before it finally stuck. The little voice is still there in me but I know it's a liar and these days it knows it's wasting it's breath so doesn't bother, but it's always looking for a chance. Don't forget HALTT. Don't let yourself become Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired or Thirsty as they will weaken your resolve and if you're all of them, then you're almost certain to reach for a drink.

Like I say, good luck. Life after alcohol is better. I've never met anyone who quit and regrets it. I certainly don't. I just regret taking so damned long. Ah well.

Submariner · 12/02/2023 08:51

Stickywhitelovepiss · 12/02/2023 07:41

Had my first falling off the wagon dream last night (I'm now extending to end of March). Woke up so relieved!

I might join you... I'm not decided. At the moment I've been aiming for 60 days dry, but the reasons to drink are dwindling compared to the reasons to drink. @FenghuangHoyan's posts are really resonating - why are all the holidays and special occasions the ones that I drown out with alcohol?

March is my birthday month and a dry birthday is something I haven't even considered since I was about 16. As much as I am really enjoying the alcohol free thing now (rather than actively dragging myself through it day by day) do I really know who I am and how I celebrate without alcohol???

OneFrenchEgg · 12/02/2023 10:29

I don't really relate to fenghuang my reasons are more financial and health - I don't think my kids have seen my slurring or embarrassing myself and I wasn't a 'problem' drinker in any way.
I'm still dry though, and it feels quite a nice (clean) way to live - I gave up smoking in my 30s, I became vegan a few years ago, I'm giving up sweets/sugar slowly so the drinking fits with it.

HPLikecraft · 12/02/2023 12:01

Checking in! Very interesting, insightful and encouraging post from @FenghuangHoyan . Thank you for posting that.
I've been doing what I planned to in February: drink one or two weekend nights only. I'm done for this week now. It doesn't feel good though. I really want to, but then don't enjoy it when I do. I felt better when not drinking; not just physically, but mentally strong and pleased with myself.
I was sitting with DH last night watching Happy Valley. It was fantastic and enjoyable. Why did I need 3 glasses of wine to accompany it? I am now considering a longer dry stretch.
Oh, and well done to everyone who is managing to stick to their goals, be they dry or damp.

Selfesteem22 · 12/02/2023 17:10

Checking in doing my 5 days dry 2 moderation and that is working for me - still feeling in general much more grounded and less anxious than I was

Fundays12 · 12/02/2023 18:53

Hope everyone had a good weekend. I had wine Fri and sat but had set myself a goal that i would be dry sun to Thurs night. I never have drunk on a Sunday but did often like a Tues or wed night drink. We had such a busy weekend so I am tired tonight. I did have too much on Friday night but not much on sat. I am actually really enjoying the fresh head in the morning, more energy and my skin looks better and possibly even younger as I have not got the puffy face now

Badbudgeter · 12/02/2023 18:55

I’m still dry. Was in Aldi yesterday and often bought a bottle of Prosecco to enjoy with a nice bubble bath/ Saturday night pamper. Have saved my pennies and taken the dc swimming today instead.

Stickywhitelovepiss · 12/02/2023 19:36

Still here, still dry. Went for a pub Sunday lunch with family and wouldn't have been able to drink anyway, as driving. Would have certainly liked one - but no dramas.

pollyannaperspective · 13/02/2023 09:31

Checking in, still dry, moderation is a wish for me but in reality would end in a mess. Good to read everyone's experiences.

Was tested yesterday afternoon when my default ' it' switch was triggered but took a moment, said my piece and was thankful at the end of the day for being sober - no amount of wine would have really made the situation better.

So on to the start of week 7, if you have been dry since 1 Jan, moving towards 75% of dry 60, and 50% of dry 100 just in the distance at the end of the week. If yesterday was Day 1, then enjoy this morning's fresher feel.

Hope everyone has a good start to the week.

SeasonsBleatings · 13/02/2023 09:33

Went out yesterday and had two drinks as planned. Was exhausted, anxious and grumpy all afternoon. It was the dry period which has highlight to me just how hugely any drinking affects me. Going to try to stay dry until an upcoming big birthday party in a few weeks and see how I feel then.

cashmerecardigans · 13/02/2023 09:40

I feel as if I'm in uncharted territory now. I started DJ to give my body a break and to try and reset my drinking. I didn't find it as hard as I expected, but did think I would go back quickly to moderating and drinking only at the weekend.
However, like some others, I am finding I'm wary of returning to drinking. I'm not sure why, but I do see that I am being more mindful in decision making. So again I haven't had a drink this weekend as I couldn't see whyI would, other than it being the weekend. That doesn't seem a good enough reason now, although it has clearly been so for a very long time!
So I'm just going with it for now, enjoying the positives and hoping that doing it for longer will help me not fall back into old habits

RedxRobin · 13/02/2023 10:50

I'm feeling very frustrated and disheartened. Having had my first drink this year last wednesday when out, I then moderated on Friday and Saturday but then binged last night.
I feel really disappointed. I had done so well with dry january and had got to a place where I didn't miss alcohol and was happy being sober and now I feel like I'm back to square one. I was hoping to get to a place where I could just have one glass of wine and then leave it but I'm not sure I can moderate my drinking. I feel very down about it all

pointythings · 13/02/2023 11:45

@RedxRobin tough as that is, I think it's part of the process. Knowledge is power. You're currently learning whether or not moderation is for you. Once you've worked that one out, you can take informed decisions about what your future relationship with alcohol is going to be. The important thing is not to beat yourself up about it but to learn from it. You can't change how your brain responds to substances, you can only accept it and live your best life. You haven't failed at anything, you're still working things out.

Fundays12 · 13/02/2023 12:51

RedxRobin · 13/02/2023 10:50

I'm feeling very frustrated and disheartened. Having had my first drink this year last wednesday when out, I then moderated on Friday and Saturday but then binged last night.
I feel really disappointed. I had done so well with dry january and had got to a place where I didn't miss alcohol and was happy being sober and now I feel like I'm back to square one. I was hoping to get to a place where I could just have one glass of wine and then leave it but I'm not sure I can moderate my drinking. I feel very down about it all

You have done amazing with DJ please do not beat yourself up. Start again today focus on the negative aspects of drinking and try and remember how you feel next time you go for a drink. You may not be at a point yet you can moderate your drinking but that could come yet. Focus on today as it's a new day

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 13/02/2023 14:17

@RedxRobin

You are not alone. I am really struggling with moderation too. I think @pointythings makes a very good point. With the knowledge that you / I/ many of us on here did so well in dry jan I guess it's now trying to work out how the next stage goes.
I think some do better with sticking to a couple of glasses of their drink. I have really realised that I can't (no off switch). So am trying to be as disciplined about only drinking on 2 days a week. And not when alone. I binged on Friday and hated myself the next morning. I don't know if this is achievable yet but it's what I am aiming for next.

One thing I really noticed was how high my anxiety levels were all day Saturday. I am going through a lot of teen DD stress at the moment but it was much more manageable when I wasn't drinking in Jan. One massive thing for the list of cons that @pointythings suggested. It was awful and not worth the 'niceness' of the bottle and a half of wine on Friday night. Plus it was all stress related.

I haven't really posted on here since as I was so annoyed and felt like I had failed. But with hindsight I need to reframe that as others have said. It's just part of the learning process.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 13/02/2023 14:19

@Fundays12 sorry it was you who suggested focusing on the negative things. Thanks, both to you and @pointythings for the insightful posts.

RedxRobin · 13/02/2023 22:09

Thanks guys. I have a tendency to beat myself up over things but I am going to take this as a small blip and a lesson. I feel like I have a lot to work through still

Champagneforeveryone · 14/02/2023 11:14

My Try Dry app says I've been dry 40 days this year (didn't start till the 4th and planned to drink on one day so no actual lapses) This is the longest I've been dry since I was pregnant and DS is in his first year at uni 😲

I've ordered some hormonal hocus pocus powders as I am yet to lose my stubborn belly fat and still have very dry skin, amongst other joys. It may be that I am actually more menopausal than I realised.

In other news, I am the proud owner of a house plant to add to my small army. A (not Valentine's Day) gift from DH who is normally terrible at small gestures like that, but decided today that it would be nice to buy me a treat. He is also more level headed and much less anxious by not drinking, though I know he's less keen to make it as permanent as I am.

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