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Original poster

My son is volatile and extremely high maintenance, I’m drowning, help

18 replies

Bunnyflop7 · 30/01/2023 22:58

He is 12. He’s always been a Jekyll and Hyde character, all sweet and lovely one minute, turning the next.

he wants my full attention all day long every day. He wants to be entertained unless he’s got a PlayStation controller in his hand (he is only allowed 1.5 hours a day).

He swears when he’s upset or bangs himself. Loads of F words. No amount of punishment stops it.

he makes stupid choices. Twice in the last week he went wandering off with a friend after school rather than meeting me. Today I found he had put a poll on his class group chat asking if they all thought their teacher is a bitch. I haven’t brought him up to do things like that. I’m so disappointed. I will talk to him about that in the morning.

I don’t feel like I can trust him to make sensible choices.

he is also anxious all the time and sleeps badly.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried so hard to be a warm, loving mum, where did I go wrong?

OP posts:

Doingmybest12 · 30/01/2023 23:04

Have you spoken to the Dr about the anxiety and sleep issues, also his mood?

Original poster

Bunnyflop7 · 30/01/2023 23:05

Dr has referred us, I’ve got a referral call on Friday.

OP posts:

IDontCareMatthew · 30/01/2023 23:16

What's he like in school?

I'd say buckle up, teen years are a rough ride. What support do you have?

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TR888 · 30/01/2023 23:19

Hi OP, have you wondered if your son could be neurodiverse? He ticks a lot of boxes for ADHD, and/or ASD. Its just a thought.

Im sorry youre going through that.

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/01/2023 23:21

I was thinking the same thing about ADHD then.

IDontCareMatthew · 30/01/2023 23:29

Wouldn't ADHD have been picked up on before a kid gets to 12 years old though?

Original poster

Bunnyflop7 · 31/01/2023 10:10

School are putting him in a mentoring scheme with a sixth former to try and help him cope with school life.

we have friends but no family support

OP posts:

BlackeyedSusan · 31/01/2023 10:54

neurodiversity is a possibility. look into both adhd/add and asd.

ShockedAndAwake · 31/01/2023 10:57

You say his sleep is poor. I'm sure you've done everything you can to improve it but I honestly think poor sleep can turn the most perfect kids into kids that struggle. Lots of things that people (especially on MN) are classic signs of Asperger's etc CAN be signs of poor sleep to.

Thekidsarefightingagain · 31/01/2023 11:00

My first thought was also ASD + ADHD. Also look at PDA to see if that could fit.

crazycrofter · 31/01/2023 11:01

I also thought ADHD. My son was diagnosed at nearly 13, so it wouldn’t be unusual for it to not be picked up earlier. The impulsivity/doing stupid things rings bells for me.

Greblegable · 31/01/2023 11:54

IDontCareMatthew · 30/01/2023 23:29

Wouldn't ADHD have been picked up on before a kid gets to 12 years old though?

People get to adulthood without a diagnosis

Greblegable · 31/01/2023 12:09

You are doing the right thing restricting screen time although I know that must be tough!

How’s his diet? Is there any pattern such as him buying sweets on way home from school then bouncing off walls when home?

I would start supplementing omega 3. Lots of evidence for improved concentration and decreased hyperactivity with or without adhd.

PollyDarton1 · 31/01/2023 12:16

This sounds so hard, I'm sorry. I'm glad you've got a referral to the doctors.

What is his behaviour like in school? I have to admit I too thought of ADHD/PDA but if he's able to mask sufficiently at school there is every chance it hasn't been picked up.

Is there a scheme at school for emotional resilience? My son is younger than yours, but school have identified that he struggles with feelings (anxiety) and how to verbalise them effectively and have started him on a scheme that looks at grounding techniques as well as understanding emotions better. Would you be able to have a quick chat with a SENCO at the school too?

Jumpinginwithbothfeet · 31/01/2023 12:20

My son sounds very similar aside from the silly choices side. I've been battling for years to get help and just get passed around the houses. I bought some melatonin from America (on advice from GP) whilst waiting for CAMHS review to try and help with sleep it helps a bit. But it is exhausting. Hopefully you will get more help 🙏

FatGirlSwim · 31/01/2023 12:34

IDontCareMatthew · 30/01/2023 23:29

Wouldn't ADHD have been picked up on before a kid gets to 12 years old though?

I was 41 at diagnosis. It’s easily missed.

Original poster

Bunnyflop7 · 31/01/2023 13:11

@Greblegable thanks re the Omega 3, I’ll get some. He doesn’t have sweets on the way home apart from on a Friday, but he does have an Oreo when he gets home. After that it’s apples and toast etc as snacks til dinner. I try to limit sugar.
@PollyDarton1 he is an angel at school! Tried really hard, excellent reports, his teachers all love him!
the SENCO is trying this mentorship scheme first (which I’m not convinced will work) and then they can offer counselling support.

OP posts:

Cleargreysky · 13/03/2023 10:04

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/01/2023 23:21

I was thinking the same thing about ADHD then.

This was my first thought too. Would be worth investigating.

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