Helping dd practise her driving, how to cope

[Alsonification]

Dd is 24 and currently getting driving lessons. First 2 lessons the instructor took her to a nearby industrial estate as it was evening so all shops closed but it's a great place to learn as there's plenty of roads & roundabouts. There's the odd truck or car but otherwise quiet.
So in between lessons I took dd there to practise in my car a couple of times. 3rd lesson he let her drive back from the industrial estate to Tesco where she meets him. Dd did her 4th lesson last Thursday. She was taken out on the road but to a very busy area & there was so many cars that she panicked a bit & came home after quite unnerved. Instructor told her she needs way more practise in between lessons to get used to other traffic.
So it's on me to take her (single parent).
Now she's insured on my car & I got L plates to put on etc so that's all fine but how the hell do I keep myself calm & not let dd know that inside my heart is racing? I took her out this evening, just to my parents house & back. Literally a 5 mins drive passing through 2 small roundabouts. She managed ok but I was clenching my teeth the whole time & I've now got a splitting headache.
I know it's necessary & I want her driving for her own independence but Jesus I'm sick with nerves.

Dd had quite a few lessons before I ventured out with her. The first time I took her out we hired a dual control car from Arnold Clark as I was petrified at having no control. I think it cost about £15 for a couple of hours on a special deal. Dd did quite well and I never had to use the controls once. After that I felt comfortable taking her out in my car. I left the teaching to her instructor and with me she just got practice.

I went out with DP and DM after 10 or so
lessons. I think the instructor is wrong here, DD needs to build confidence in co trolling the car in built up areas before being let loose with you in a car with no dual control. I did try to go out at quiet times initially, lots of late night or early morning drives. 1/2pm also seems to be quite in my area so took advantage when I could and made sure I always drove to Tesco etc every week. Be calm, even though inside you aren’t. Don’t shout as you’ll spook her, if you need to chat ask her to pull over when safe not stress her out and maybe take some calms haha

I am a terrible passenger and after an incident when eldest DC was learning I never went out with the younger two. I’ve only been a passenger in youngest dc’s car once since she passed her test 3.5 years ago! Both my DSs’ girlfriends passed in their twenties and by then the DSs were old enough to supervise a learner but callow enough to be a lot less nervous than me. Does DD have a friend who could supervise?

Wow! Thank you so much for all of the replies. I think most of you are right in this. She should probably have some more lessons with the instructor on busy roads before I take her out again. It was nerve wracking for both of us though I was trying to hide it, I really appreciate all of the tips and advice. Thank you so much to each reply, they have been very helpful.

When I learned to drive DM took me out to retail park car parks / industrial estates after a few lessons and then out and about during 'quiet' times, driving familiar routes. As I progressed through lessons we went out at different times to build my confidence. DF came out with me once and came back decreeing never again until I had passed my test (he was a terrible passenger even with others!).

Yeah I think I'm going to have a chat with her when she gets home from work today & tell her we'll go back to the industrial estate for now. I don't mind doing the extra hours practise with her (though I could do with taking a bottle of whiskey with me lol) but on the main roads is too much for now. She suffers with anxiety herself (on meds) and she was not in a good way last night after the drive. I think it's too much too soon though she may not accept that.
I know she needs to drive. I always said both my kids would be drivers as I do feel it's a life skill everyone should learn (if they can) but Jesus it's hard work. My dad taught myself & my 4 brothers and he taught my mam who was the most nervous driver on the planet, and I have no idea how he was so calm & patient.

yes, nerves of steel required.
i would wait a bit though

Well just as a small update, I took dd to the industrial estate & said we'd do an hour. After 30 mins I think I had a panic attack of some kind. I could hear my heart in my ears & thought I was going to be sick. I had to take her home. Since then the thought of getting in the car with her has made me physically sick. This is not a reflection on her driving, she's only a learner obviously so not perfect. But I didn't realise how hard it would be & although I've tried, I just can't do it anymore.
We've just had a row cos she can't understand why I took her out initially & now I'm changing my mind.
I've offered to pay for extra lessons as a compromise since she has no one else to practise with & I feel so bad.
I wouldn't mind but I think I'm looking forward to her driving more than she is since im the one that's usually picking her up from bus stops etc so it will make my life so much easier, so this is not something im doing lightly. I just cant help the reaction im having now. Im so surprised at myself, I never thought I'd be like this.

That sounds very hard for you OP.
Do you think you were perhaps not well rather than (or contributing to) your anxiety?
Had you been out with her previously? Did anything happen during the practice today?

it’s very generous of you to pay for more lessons, some learners never have anyone to practice with so although it’s useful it’s not essential.

@Alsonification I think you just need to leave it for a few weeks until she’s a lot more competent / confident and then perhaps try again .

I don't know if I was unwell myself. I do have high blood pressure so that probably didn't help.

I've told her once she gets to maybe 8th or 9th lesson maybe we can try again but she's so nervous that it's making me worse which in turn makes her worse so I'm not helping her at all. It's not fair on her.

She went to Tesco & bought me a can of coke for my headache & a bar of choc so I think we're friends again :-).

Jesus being a parent is bloody hard work. You'd think when they're 24 you'd be off the hook lol

hope you’re feeling a bit better now

perhaps see how you feel in a few weeks once she’s had a few more lessons. If you feel up to it at that point, maybe suggest 10-15 minutes of manoeuvres on the industrial estate or a deserted car park?

Good idea. I'll try that.