Young children behaviour

[Mammy7]

My son is 7 and is just about to get an assessment through cahms for adhd. However he has so much hate and anger towards me I feel like me breathing is a burden to him. He visits his dads every weekend they have a lot of money big houses etc and then when he returns to me to my small flat I’m starting to think because of the big difference he doesn’t want to be here with me and prefers his dad and his side over me. Do you think this is the issue? Or is anger part of adhd? The things he says to me is like he resents me.

Do you have a good relationship with his Dad? Could he (or someone else) be influencing him?

His dads mam does the pick up and drop offs only him occasionally so my son never sees me and his dad at the same time ever. His grandma (sons dads mam) is normally really nice to me and pleasant we get on really well and we have a lot of contact so I couldn’t see them influencing him not sure if that’s me being naive? I know he can be awkward with them sometimes in his behaviour but he never lashes out at them verbally like he does me

Sounds as if he's taking out his upset over the separation (and possibly different rules in different houses) on you because you're the parent he feels safest with.

Would you consider play therapy to try to get to the bottom of any anger you see?

Would he be able to live with them a bit more permanent if it improves his mental health? Or is that not an option.

is it the physical lack of outdoor space? my adhd grandson needs a lot and i mean a lot of outdoor free time?

I think the lack of outdoor space is a massive issue but the area we are from/live the rent is so expensive I’m paying a fortune as it is so can’t afford a house with a garden. If I give him the option to live there more permanently I think that would fully break down our relationship and push me over the edge. I just don’t know what I can do to make him happy

How much after school club stuff is he involved in; swim, martial arts, rowing? Those type of outdoor activities can take the place of a back yard. As well as a nice park?

We don’t even have a back yard we live in a new build block/apartments, I’ve tried several times to sign him up to extra clubs he doesn’t enjoy them I think that’s to do with possible adhd. Had first cahms meeting today, going to be a long slow process by the sounds of it. Unsure what I can do in the mean time i know it should be all about him but it has me in tears every day I feel like I’m going to have a breakdown