Does anyone else just feel like a horrible mum?

[RiceOnABike]

I've got three year old twins and I'm starting to find it all very difficult. We've got into a cycle where their behaviour is awful and I make it worse by being snappy and miserable all the time. I'm ashamed to say that I often end up shouting at them out of frustration, as they just do not listen (I know, shouting isn't going to help). I think the time of year is making things seem worse. I don't have much family support and their father is unfortunately useless, which is a huge disappointment as I always thought he'd be a great dad. They don't sleep well and I'm just so tired. Everything is relentless. I absolutely hate myself for how I speak to them sometimes. They start nursery soon, so I'm hoping that will help. I feel like the worst mum in the world. Is anyone else a horrible mum??

You are not a horrible mum. Sleep deprivation is hard. Children are hard. We’ve all been there. Be kind to yourself x

Yes I feel the same OP. It’s so tough but don’t be too harsh on yourself.

Defo not a bad mum. You will find it a little easier when they go to nursery you’ll have a little time to yourself which everyone needs to stay remotely sane 🤪

I was fairly horrible when my DC were small and never slept. I'm a veritable mary fucking Poppins when I'm well rested. Sleep deprivation, coupled with resentment caused by useless twat OHs, is absolute torture. When they start at nursery make sure you use some of the time to recharge - nap, take a walk, meditate. You'll be a million times better for it.

Starting nursery will definitely help! You start to get your own headspace back a bit.

Toddlers are hard work. Twins is tough. Not personal experience but a friend said she didn't really start to enjoy her twins until they were about 4 - it was just too relentless before that. You're not alone! Is there a twins/multiples group near you at all?

Also can you give the oh a kick up the backside and get him doing something useful like taking them off your hands for a few hours? If not him, someone else?

If you were horrible Mum you wouldn't be upset or worried about it, you'd think it was fine. You are a great Mum, you are putting them first. Being tired and parenting toddlers that will not listen is so hard.

I keep trying to re read your 3 year and your 4 year old by Louise Ames Bates, it manages/lowers expectations my expectations!

You are not a horrible mum. I have twins too and they are exhausting! Individually they are a piece of cake but x 2 they seem to get into mischief and wind each other up.

Mine went to nursery from 15months so I could work but I would still send them in the school hols so I could get some headspace! Nursery exhausts them too so hopefully that will help with sleep.

sending 💐

I have been horribly snappy and sarky at my 3 year old. Same reason - not seeming to listen! And the constant requests for things is just too much. I'm sleep deprived due my 7mo and it definitely makes it worse. Inranted to a friend and tried to apologise to him today. Tomorrow is another day.

Thank you all for the very kind comments. I feel a lot better and less alone! We all just do our best don't we.

I’m right there with you. Mine came down with the flu and we are all sick and mine decided last night to fight sleep and cry the entire time she was laying down in her bed. I tried to be patient but this went on for THREE LONG HOURS. Just constant sobbing. Partner and I both had a sound sensitive migraine and were utterly exhausted. We gave her medicine to make her more comfortable. No she was not running a fever. Even after we gave in and let her sleep in our bed she wanted to play and tried to crawl out of bed. When we said “No it’s time for bed.” the sobbing started up again and I just ended up losing my mind and shouting at her. I’m certain all the neighbours could hear which made me feel worse. Someone even knocked on the door to check if we were okay because they said they heard the baby crying and me screaming. So embarrassing. Made me feel like an awful mum. They seemed to understand when we explained she was sick and they smelled the vick’s on us all.

One was enough for me to try to cope with - twins must be really hard! I definitely think things get easier once they start nursery.