A book to help DC understand divorce/separation

[Bemyclementine]

Dc1 is 7. I have been separated from my husband since both dc were babies. It's all they've ever known. However, it seems their father talks to them about how he lives with his parents because we (me and dc) live in "the house". How he'd like to live with us but i wont let him. How I don't love him that's why he had to leave, he previously rented a flat and all DCcould say about it (despite never actually being taken there) was poor daddy has only got a flat. He's only got a shower. He hasn't even got an upstairs. And so on. He says he's being honest with DC because they need to know.

Dc1 asked me why I don't wear a wedding ring last week. Ex had apparently been telling him that we're still married (we are, officially). Dc knows what marriage is so this thoroughly confused him. He's asked me to wear my wedding ring and today asked if daddy could live with us so he had somewhere to live.

I can't have any conversation with ex about this or anything else. Needless to say the reasons we separated are many and varied, notl least the emotional abuse, control, narcissism, the loss of my friends, family, social life, constant use of porn.....

So, I really need help with this. Anything I say to dc WILL be repeated. I need to get the balance right for dc sake (sensitive soul that he is) and my own (there will be sone sort of consequence directed at me)

I'm still struggling with this so giving it a hopeful bump.

Have you told them that many single people live in flats, they don't need to feel sorry for him, and mummy and daddy were not happy together so they aren't together. I think you need to give age appropriate, gentle explanations to them, rather than let him control the narrative and manipulate them.

I think they need an age appropriate version of what happened.
So mummy and Daddy got married and decided to have some babies (that’s you). After a while we weren’t getting on, we were arguing a lot and were unhappy. So we decided to separate. This means we don’t live together anymore. But we will always be your mummy and Daddy and that’s why you spend time with both of us in our houses/flats.
You can flat out tell them you prefer being separated because you didn’t like arguing all the time. Don’t get into specifics though.
You can also explain what divorce is - something a married couple can do once they’re separated so that legally they are not married anymore.
Why aren’t you divorced anyway? Maybe getting on and doing that would push your ex to move on?

One of their friends lives in a flat, so they now know its not anything bad. He moved back in with his parents though.

Not divorced yet because its taken me a long long time to have the courage to start it. I have started it, it's ongoing, which is why its all started up again from him. He's dead set on making it as difficult as possible

Thanks for your responses. It's so difficult. I havent ever said anything bad about him, but have had enough of him filling their heads with bullshit, painting me as the bad guy

www.penguin.co.uk/books/443145/two-places-to-call-home-by-earle-phil/9780241529522

Would this be too young?

Hmm I dont know, I might rider it and see. They dont serially have 2 homes , their dad moved back in with his parents, they don't sleep over, and dont even get fed dinner anymore, they go once a week during the day