To work...or not to work

[Robishar]

DC2 is coming up to 10months old and I'm due back at work.
3ish months ago I spoke to my boss about returning to work being unfeasible due to childcare costs. My boss basically said they don't want to lose me and I could pick my own hours.
Me and DH came up with a plan which involves me working 8hrs Fri and Sat and 2 shorter shifts in the week, my boss ok'd this and this is the plan when I start back.

However, here is my dilemma. My husbands basic salary isn't enough to cover our outgoings as it stands, BUT, he works in a job which pays massively for overtime and has an abundance of it. He can earn in 1 Fri & Sat what I make in an entire month. But now I'll be working the Fri and Sat, he won't be able to do those days overtime, so it massively cuts his earning potential.

Should I not go back to work, which opens up his ability to earn huge amounts (he can work every weekend and quadruple what I would earn a month) or, do I go back to work because its safer to have 2 incomes? If I didn't go back and he was earning big money, we would use it to reduce our monthly outgoings by paying things off or insurances etc upfront.

Just to add...He is not pressuring me either way and says I should do what I feel and if I want to work just to have a break from being Mummy he totally supports that.
Also, if I didn't go back to work, we could go down to one car, saving £250 a month straight off.

I'd still go back, what if there isn't overtime, what if his job goes?

What about your future career, work life?

I can see the dilemma, but I'd go back for long term reasons.

Could you go back and schedule in using your annual leave for Fridays and Saturdays now and again with the plan being that he works those days of your annual leave to boost income?

you sound like you have a flexible and nice job, I wouldn’t give that up on a hurry

Go back.
if his company goes bust, there’s your income to fall back on. Same if yours did.

you’ll keep your career and sense of identity and financial independence

Go back.

No woman should EVER be dependent on a man, if they have a choice.

If your relationship is stable, will your boss allow you to return on fewer hours for best of both worlds?

Always always earn your own money.

How does he feel about working overtime regularly? One or two shifts a month or every week?

It's also good to have your job in case something happens with him or his job. Is he in a secure job? What if there isn't alot of overtime one month? What if he gets sick? He also need downtime and time with your child so I don't think it's feasible to work loads of overtime every month.

Getting out working might be good for you, taking a break from being at home with your child all the time and also keeping your career going if you want to go back to work full time in a couple of years.

I think you need to sit down together, talk it through and decide what's best for all of you.

Up to you of course, but I don't understand why you didn't choose 2 different days instead of Friday and Saturday as your work days in the first place, if you already knew Friday and Saturday are big overtime days at your DH's work.

As DH can do childcare then I expect

Will he earn enough go pay into a pension for you if you don’t go back to work? Will you be able to easily get a similar job when your child goes to school? High nursery costs are short-term. What’s the long term plan?

So would dh have to work 7 days a week then?

It's pretty obvious you're putting yourself into knotts because you want to justify not going back to work OP. You'll pick out the replies to support it. However, I will always, always say that a woman should earn her own money and not rely, totally on a man. Wanting your husband to work 7 days a week so you can stay home is unfair and may make him burn out. It's not fair. Choose your main days for not the weekend if you want to free them up. Or use childcare.

Sorry it seems that way, but not the case. I was the one pushing to go back to work all the way through my mat leave, however, my husband raised the figures this evening at dinner and I thought to myself...am I being silly here stopping him earning.

Also, I havent expected him to work 7 days a week so I can stay home. This is entirely coming from his side because he wants to earn big money.

Because he works a 4 day week. So me working Fri and Sat would mean we didn't have to pay childcare.

And yes, we could pay for more childcare, but then I really would be working for nothing.

When would your DH ever have time off?

You would be better off overall working weekdays despite the childcare costs, and DH doing overtime one weekend day or ad hoc when it suits.

If you hang everything on one income of a person working 7 days a week, and you looking after the DC 7 days a week, it will not only be a risky financial decision but bloody miserable too.

What’s the career progression in your industry, OP? Have you finished having babies?

What’s the career progression in your DH’s industry?

No one can answer this for you. You can only ask yourself the right questions to determine what you think is best for yourself and the family.

What do you want? Do you want to be in work? Do you love being a SAHM? Will that feeling last if you do quit work? Will it be easy for you to go back to your job or find a similar role later? How will it affect your pension?
Can you ask for an extension on your maternity for a few months while he does the over-time (sounds like your job will accommodate a lot to keep you)? Gives you a chance to test drive it.
What about his relationship with dd? Will he get enough time with her if he’s working all the time? How do you think it will affect the family dynamic with him working all the time/you at home? Will he expect you to be the ‘main parent’ (which is very hard to re-adjust later)? Is he willing to give you full access to the finances as if they are truly shared? Or will he see it as ‘his money’?

FYI these are just some rhetorical questions, feel no need to reply. Essentially though, I do think if you desire to go back to work then you should- regardless of the financial situation, mental health and fulfilment are more important. However, this reads somewhat as you don’t really want to, which is fine ( I might be wrong). Just think about the whole picture. Whatever you decide, there is no wrong decision. You might find it easier if you ask for more of your partner’s thoughts on this, it’s hard to make such a big decision on your own and it’s probably putting a bit of pressure on you. He’s put the ball in your court, so you get the final say, but it might be easier with a bit more of his input.

I would go back and plan to change your days and pay for childcare in 3-6 months time. Ask for 3x shorter shifts in the week or do Friday/Saturday every fortnight or once a month or something (they said you could pick your hours right?!)

you’re going back for the long term security of your own job/income and the additional security of having two jobs in the household. Yes it won’t pay short term but that isn’t the reason you’re doing it. This leaves your DH free to do overtime a couple of weekends a month so you can pay off debt etc.

It wouldn't be working for nothing. It would be working for your sanity, your future, your pension, your career progression.

But keep in mind that if all this overtime will push him over 50k salary he'll have to start paying back child maintenance through his tax, if he isn't earning that already.

Go back. Pay for childcare if you need to (remember only half the cost is yours). Your career progression and pension are important.

If you hang everything on one income of a person working 7 days a week, and you looking after the DC 7 days a week, it will not only be a risky financial decision but bloody miserable too.

I completely agree with this, better having the protection of two salaries if one is made redundant and for feeling more equitable etc.

Also when I went back to work after having DD the nursery fees were my entire wage. I literally was left with £50 a month. However, it was totally worth it in the long run as my work were paying into my pension (as was I), DD was having fun and socialising with other children at nursery, I was getting some child free time and I was promoted during that time.

Take your DH's earning potential out of it for a minute. Do you want to go back to work? That's the most important question here. If you do then go for it.

I went back to work after having DC1 but when DC2 came along less that 2 years later I chose not to return after mat leave. My youngest is 10 months old now and I won't be returning to work until he starts school.

I wouldn't go back personally. I enjoyed my time off looking after my kids til they went to school.

Got the first job I went for thereafter after years off and am still PT now. We didn't pay into a pension for me while I was off either but I'm not concerned, I will have time to make it up later.

And yes, we could pay for more childcare, but then I really would be working for nothing.

But you wouldn't be working for nothing.

You're married so your income is joint and the childcare costs will come out of both your salaries.

You'll also be working longer hours and building up a pension too.

Another option is for your DH to drop a couple of weekdays, you work those days, and he does the Friday/Saturday overtime if that's allowed?

id go back to work I don't undrstand women who give work up

your husband cannot sustain a 6 day working wwwk for the over time it's too much pressure for family