I was awful to DD

[CatsMusical]

DD who's 5 has been an awful sleeper lately. Today she woke up at 3am, I stayed with her for an hour until she went back to sleep but when I got up to leave the room she woke up. I then got up to go to her another 3 million times until she declared she wasn't tired and started kicking off when I took her hand to take her back to her room.
She then pretended to cry, really loudly as I was asking her not to wake everyone up. I really lost my patience with her and firmly told her she had to stay in bed and could read if she wasn't tired, but that everyone else needs to sleep. I did really raise my voice. At that point I just wanted to scream as I feel like I've been tortured all week with the sleep deprivation (sometimes she's been up at 1 til 3, then again from 4.30). I just cannot function.

Anyway I was cross, and she picked up on my anger and started really crying, as well as screaming at me to go away because I was mean.

I could not have handled this any worse. At the end of the day she's just a little girl who wanted her mummy, but how do you juggle this with needing to rest?

When she's poorly, or has a nightmare or is genuinely upset I love to be up with her. But at the moment it's more like she is playing up and seeing how much she can get her own way, I just don't have patience for it in the middle of the night :(

I think your response was fine.
Talk to her about it.
Say that last night she was making you so tired that you were upset.
She needs to learn that you are a person with needs and are not just there for her entertainment on tap.
And in future when she wakes you for no reason, you can remind her of the time Mummy was so tired that she was shouty.

All you have done is raise your voice at a five year old. A five year old who was pretending to cry and who knows that what she is doing is not the right thing.

At the end of the day she's just a little girl who wanted her mummy,
More the middle of the night than at the end of the day but regardless that is quite a dramatic sentence.

Is it an option for your DH to get up and settle her back to bed? My son was a terrible sleeper and it brought out the worst in me. Turned me into the type of mum I didn't think I would ever be. I realised for me to parent better I needed to prioritise my own sleep. He did get better when he went to school and has been much better since I put a air purifier in his room which hums quietly. Have you tried white noise?

Firstly, stop beating yourself up! Your daughter needed to realise that she'd pushed the boundaries too far.

Have you tried a reward chart? Lots of children that age respond well to them. Nice sparkly stickers or whatever she's into.
A sticker for every night she stays in bed and a special reward for a whole week.
Do you think that might help?

Or you can get those clocks (can't remember their name and they weren't around when my children were young) that shows them when they're allowed to get up etc.

I'd also have a gentle chat and ask why she thinks she keeps waking up.

Hopefully your DH can take the kids out to the park today or something and give you some time to have a quick kip!

You’ve really not done anything wrong. Give yourself a break!

I used to have nightmares and decided I don’t want any child of mine awake and night at scared. However I will NOT tolerate having my night time sleep disturbed. I would either put a small mattress in my bedroom for her to come to (that’s what I do) or make somewhere comfy for me to actually sleep in her room if she woke me up so we weren’t both awake for hours. Sounds horrendous

We found an audio player (have a Tony box but there are others) absolutely brilliant for helping our child get back to sleep by themselves.

Everyone has a limit and you reached yours. Under completely understandable circumstances. Many people reach theirs when they aren't even sleep deprived. Which is also human. As long as there is no physicality to it, and it's not a regular thing, and you apologise, I think it's important for children who are old enough to see and learn that all humans have a boundary and limit.
Don't beat yourself up.
My DD was a similarly bad sleeper so I empathise. Finding patience at 3am, after many hours of negotiations, when they really do understand what they're doing requires digging incredibly deep, and sometimes we just don't have those reserves.

100% agree with this.

Agree with @CupEmpty She's not a baby.

Had the same thing with my dd 6 recently. I know others have suggested this but the reward chart worked brilliantly. She knew she had to stay in her own bed till 7 for five nights in a row to get a little present. Every morning when she managed it she drew a smiley face on the chart and after 5 in a row she got a teddy she’d chosen. She has a yoto clock so she knew what time it was. She knew the objective was to create the habit of going back to sleep in her own bed and the expectation is to carry on now. I drew the chart roughly by hand and personalised it and made 20 boxes with a view to it having to go back to 0 a couple of time but she did it straight away but has carried on filling in the faces gaps! My dd is easily upset and anxious and the coming in bed was started by ghost stories in the playground and a sickness bug so I had to be very gentle and explain it without any annoyance but with a high value reward!

OP. You need to teach your child how to fall asleep by herself, so that if she wakes up, she can fall asleep again. Being able to fall asleep is an important life skill. I'd be very firm about not waking others up until morning, unless there's an actual problem. Get her a growclock or similar so she knows when she's allowed to wake you.

@thinkfast, she does and has been falling asleep by herself for years. That's what I mean, it's like she just chooses not to at the moment. But last night, like every night, I said good night, walked out and she went to sleep by herself. But when she wakes at night she thinks it must be morning (regardless of what I say) and wants everyone to be awake with her. We do have a groclock, it worked for a few weeks but she ignores it now.

@CupEmpty totally agree