thenbeefssauteedwithpeasandonions ·
28/01/2023 13:33
Diagnosis of CPTSD and OCD .
I had a lot of trauma when I was younger (sexual abuse and neglect) and last few years have been especially traumatic - one bad thing happened after another, last all my grandparents within 4 years, then one of my parents life changing/limiting diagnosis .
I’m on a (long) waiting list for therapy and have a lot of support but the thing that bothers me most day to day is I panic mkre when things go well? For example I’ve had a really good 4-6 weeks - a few bad panic attacks but mostly things have been stable, I’ve been enjoying myself, I’ve been able to do a bit more and I’ve had several bits of really, really good news.
It sounds absurd but I’m scared that something bad will have to happen now, to cancel those good things out . It’s always the same if I’ve had a good day, I end up tearful for some reason . I said that to MH team a while ago who said it sounds like magical thinking/part of my OCD and that things/events happen randomly, probably influenced by trauma etc.
but it’s a horrible way to feel - like being scared of being happy…
I’m surely not alone in this? Is there a way of not feeling that way, I’m on a shedload of medication but it doesn’t really make any difference to it .