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The legacy of child abuse

6 replies

Newnamenewnamenewnameee · 28/01/2023 11:48

I don’t know what I want here but I feel like I just need to put how I’m feeling into the universe somewhere

im 30 something and I was abused as a child, physically and emotionally and whilst the physicality was bad (scratched, kicked with steel toe boots, dragged around by hair, punched, finger, broken etc) it’s the emotional abuse that’s literally fucked over the rest of my life.

it took nearly 15 years of being away from my abusers (mother and brother) for me to realise that I was actually abused, it wasn’t appropriate punishment for being a ‘bad teen’. My abuse was during my teen years again, I thought only young children could be abused. I was never ever my whole life taken to the dentist, so now I have huge teeth problems, killer to the self esteem, I developed depression so neglected self care, was constantly taunted about my size and weight, developed anorexia twice. When it got too much for her, I was beaten into eating. I’d often after showering (I was allowed once a week) if I used the wrong towel, used too much soap, I’d get my towel pulled off me and my mother and brother would whip me with it saying dance fatty dance, whilst I was trying to cover myself with my hands and get to my room. I had no door to my bedroom, my things would be riffled through, money from my job stolen (brother), I wasn’t allowed friends. Had to ask permission for basic things, no now even as an adult I really struggle, this manifests at work with a lot of panic and second guessing myself, terrified to make a mistake (I hide it well) but it hinders my career so I’m not as successful as I could be. she’d audibly pray that I’d die of cancer, blamed me for the death of relatives, so now I have terrible health anxiety. Told how ugly I was and any man that would want to shag me would shag an animal (I was 14) that I didn’t deserve love. Bounced from one abusive relationship to the next. Chose people for friends who are similarly quite narcissistic and uncaring because it’s all I’ve ever known. There’s a million more ways it still effects me most of which I probably don’t even know.

but it just hit me today, it literally destroys your whole life. I just had to get my thoughts out of my head

OP posts:
Wishihadanalgorithm · 28/01/2023 13:08

Oh my poor love. All I can say is, know you are so strong to have survived this horror. Have you been to the doctor and asked for counselling or looked into getting some private talking therapy?

This must be in terribly hard to unpick and process - you do need professional help.

Please tell me you have nothing to do with these monsters any more.

Needingacoffee · 28/01/2023 13:19

It saddens me to hear your experience of abuse. I just want to say that I can empathise with how it mucks you up mentally / emotionally. It also can have cause you physical issues. Counselling helps, if you can get some. I was also bullied at school too, so my teen years were extremely painful.

Newnamenewnamenewnameee · 28/01/2023 13:38

Needingacoffee · 28/01/2023 13:19

It saddens me to hear your experience of abuse. I just want to say that I can empathise with how it mucks you up mentally / emotionally. It also can have cause you physical issues. Counselling helps, if you can get some. I was also bullied at school too, so my teen years were extremely painful.

I was bullied at school too! Horrendous, literally destroyed all self esteem having no safe place to go. It’s why the teeth stuff really affects me now, I feel so hideous

ive asked the dr for help and they’ve said there’s nothing all the nhs can offer is cbt. Unfortunately private is so expensive I can’t afford it

OP posts:
Newnamenewnamenewnameee · 28/01/2023 13:40

Wishihadanalgorithm · 28/01/2023 13:08

Oh my poor love. All I can say is, know you are so strong to have survived this horror. Have you been to the doctor and asked for counselling or looked into getting some private talking therapy?

This must be in terribly hard to unpick and process - you do need professional help.

Please tell me you have nothing to do with these monsters any more.

Thank you!

ive had some, but the cost of it is crippling

OP posts:
Needingacoffee · 28/01/2023 17:08

Oh my, being bullied too really tops it doesn't it? I am mid 40s now, and my self esteem is still in tatters. I hear you when you say that you had no safe place to go. I felt like that too. It puts you on high alert for trouble, and is so exhausting. You are not to feel hideous, despite the teeth worries you have now. For me, it makes me eat too much, so I am obese.
I had some CBT in the past. It helped at the time, but only was a temporary improvement for me. I have had to pay for private therapy too, and don't have any currently due to the expense of it. I know I have Complex ptsd, but there's not any help out there that's cheap enough, or free.

Sarahlp101 · 28/01/2023 17:18

I am so sorry to hear your storey. I reay hope you find peace, you deserve it
Your mother and brother are despicable..you are amazing
I really hope you manage to get some help for all of this xx

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