Feeling clueless - ADHD/ASD?

[Cuppateaneeds]

So, I’m feeling a little lost and could do with some guidance please.

I have a 13 year old son. Academically doing average so nothing highlighted by school but I’m increasingly noticing traits which I can’t discern whether they are normal age-related traits or not.

For example:

• needs heavy supervision to get on with homework - without being promoted every day/ multiple times of an evening it is last minute rushed or forgotten
• easily distracted - says he’ll go to work at the table but find him reading in bed because he got distracted by a book on his way to the room
• lies very easily about anything and everything (such as whether he’s eaten something that’s gone missing or whether he took either the bus or train home)
• finds any constructive criticism or intended guidance difficult to take and often blows up or is rude/defiant (such as closing the music book when his music teacher is trying to explain something)
• Sneaks sweet foods and then hides wrappings in any nook and cranny rather than putting it in the bin
• addicted to electronics - constantly trying to sneak onto them even though the general policy is get homework done and then it’s available after
• Constantly rushing/lack of care - writing is awful (used to be better when he was younger), homework bare minimum and not checked so silly mistakes, doesn’t speak very clearly (almost because he’s in such a rush he doesn’t use his lips to form ends of words)
• Doesn’t socialise outside of school and it doesn’t seem to bother him - doesn’t participate in any WhatsApp chats on his phone. His phone to him is for you tube and games rather than a communication tool.
• struggles with eye contact when speaking to people and has to be reminded

He’s had other sensitivities such as towards clothes textures and smells growing up but we’ve always managed to work through things. When he was younger I put lack of eye contact down to shyness and lack of friends as he got older to being because he’s an only child used to his own company. But I see others including only children growing up and I see a larger and larger gap in terms of maturity, organisation and social skills.

I’m wondering if ASD or ADHD might be at play here but am totally new to it all. Don’t know where to start or how helpful a diagnosis might be from a practical perspective. I’m seeing people refer to CAMHS, Ed psych, OT, neuro development consultants and I feel it’s all so over my head.

Can anyone help me know where to start, how useful a diagnosis might be, whether this is all just ‘normal’ behaviour or something I should be pushing to get considered by professionals?

My concern is that my son doesn’t meet his potential. I think he might be falling through the cracks because without doing much work he’s coping with school academically. However, because he does ok without much work and no revision, he has no work ethic, self-organisation or motivation or revision skills and I’m concerned that come GCSEs that’ll be when it comes to light. And if I can do anything to help him before then master skills that could help him day to day and long term then I want to do that.

Sorry it’s a bit of a long one but please do help! I’m based in North London in case of specific recommendations of people to try to see for diagnosis which is what I think would be of great help.

There is a lot of overlap, he certainly has ADHD traits too.

He was diagnosed when he was 8 he’s 12 in year 7 so we are just getting used to secondary school. He will get extra time in exams because of his diagnosis he’s definitely not reaching his potential but I prioritise his mental health and hope he finds his path into a career he can thrive in.

Find out who the school SENCo is. they're the one to approach with concerns.

As others have said, there is a good chance he is masking at school, or like i did, actually coping ok within the structure they provide, but struggling with homework as that's more self initiated (i never did my homework til last minute, i needed that stress dopamine to get it done)

Going through similar at the moment with DS - similar age. Consider initial screening assessments - we did handwriting - which now means we have applied for extra time in exams - his handwriting is so slow and illegible. But he thinks very quickly. So words were being left out as well.
We also did screeners for adhd and asd. Then the EP can recommend which route to go down for a full assessment. Which for DS is ASD.
Even though he has similar issues as me (I am diagnose adhd) forgetful, eye contact issues, Untidy and disorganized he doesn’t have any attention issues from the screening tests. Rather his issue is working memory.

Thanks. Mental health is certainly something I want to prioritise too. How is your son on the socialising/friends front? I’m concerned about that too, especially as my DS is an only child so I always wanted that he had friends to lean on and have bonds with.

Thank you. I’ll find out who the relevant senco person is.

F he is diagnosed with something probably others in the family have it too.

thanks and nice not to tread waters alone! How did you find the person to do the initial assessments? Did the EP do all assessments you mentioned? I’m keen for recommendations as I don’t know how reliable google is for finding someone good. My son’s handwriting is rushed which leads to being difficult to read (sometimes) or simple errors. But he can equally write better when he slows down - just doesn’t have any desire to.

Ask them to check for Dyspraxia too!

The handwriting and exec functioning issues are good indicators for that.. its a common co-morbid for ASD/ADHD

Start with his form teacher teacher and take it from there. The sooner school are aware, the sooner things can be put in place.

I’m in Switzerland so bad mine done here. Sorry that’s not helpful!
but your point about my the rushed handwriting and not seeing the point of slowing down is exactly the same as my son - the reason is the brain is working faster than the handwriting. so slow down and lost the train it thought - because the thoughts are so quick. Or right illegibly but get most of the thoughts down.

ADHD rarely appears alone. It sounds like your child has traits of both ADHD and ASD.

Hi OP

I have a child with ADHD plus other diagnoses and awaiting ASD assessment - I did end up having to go private as wait lists are long ( although they have reduced slightly).

I agree re speaking to the school SENCO.

Re Ed psych - most Ed psych will do assessments and some do some standard tests as well. They will identify the areas that your son has strengths in and those where he has weaknesses. They won’t diagnose ASD or ADHD but can strongly indicate.

Private Ed psychs in London generally have long wait lists at the moment / but do occasionally get cancellations so worth exploring. I wouldn’t recommend the private Ed psych I used - we actually got lucky and got an Ed psych assessment via the LA in school who was really excellent.

In my area of London ADHd is diagnosed by paediatric consultant service, ASD via CAMHs. For my son despite at the initial consultation the paediatrician requesting CAMHS to assess for ASD , they refused until his ADHD assessment was complete.

I actually ended up having a private diagnosis for the ADHD ( I can PM you the doctor who is excellent he is London but not north). There are some other practices where they do diagnose both ASD and ADHD - at the time I was prioritising speed of diagnosis for ADHD as I felt that’s where his dominant need was.

Medication has been amazing for him and really transformed his life. The combination of medication and adjustments for his sensory needs has made a huge difference. We are still on the wait list for an ASD assessment.

He likes the idea of friends but struggles with the ‘give and take’ of any relationships it would need to be all on his terms.

Thank you and I would appreciate the recommendation. Please do PM me.

Yes this thought process definitely resonates with me although there are times he can be very caring/empathetic when others are in need it poorly. But less on a regular basis of general give and take.