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Original poster

Stranger danger and why questions.

20 replies

DinDjarin · 27/01/2023 10:43

Attempted kidnapping incident at a local school so I need to talk to the Dc again about stranger danger. I admit I don't know more details e.g. if it was a case of "stranger" or family or whatever. Beside the point.

Last time we had this conversation, eldest asked why someone would want to kidnap a child. We kind of brushed it off as some people are not kind and moved on.

Youngest is 10(DD) and far more questioning than eldest was. How do you explain, in a way that you don't freak them out, why someone would want to kidnap a child?

We've had a chat about not walking around with headphone in outdoor so you can be aware of what's going on around you. I used traffic and two people fighting as an example. How do you warn about being followed (also happened to local school children recently, police involved) without them assuming everyone is evil?

OP posts:

VariationsonaTheme · 27/01/2023 10:48

At 10 she’s old enough to know that some people like to hurt others and that we can’t always tell who those people are so we need to be cautious, even with people we think we know.

Tamarindtree · 27/01/2023 10:51

There are children’s books that might help. These are just a couple I found on Amazon -

zebette · 27/01/2023 10:52

With younger children I used to say that some people wanted a child so badly they'd take anyone and I really didn't want it to be my children. That seemed information enough (and quite scary enough!) without getting into more detail. If I'd been asked why they didn't have their own (and I never was) I'd have said I didn't know.

Tamarindtree · 27/01/2023 10:52

MoMuntervary · 27/01/2023 10:52

I agree with @VariationsonaTheme 10 is old enough to understand and probably needs arming with that information as a beginning to that long and depressing journey of learning how to safeguard yourself as best you can in a world where there are predatory men.
It's fine to explain that these people are rare and the vast majority of people won't wish her harm so long as you also explain that you can't tell by looking who's a baddun.

Original poster

DinDjarin · 27/01/2023 10:55

probably needs arming with that information as a beginning to that long and depressing journey of learning how to safeguard yourself as best you can in a world where there are predatory men.

It is a long and depressing journey isn't it. But 10 seems so young to have to explain this to her 😞on the other hand she'll be getting the bus alone soon, and walking around a bit more alone, so she does need to know.

OP posts:

HoodieBell · 27/01/2023 10:56

There are many reasons somebody would kidnap someone that won't sound awful to a child: They're lonely; they want a child but can't have their own; they have lost a loved one and want to replace them; they're unwell; you're the best child ever so who wouldn't want you for their own...?

SpinningFloppa · 27/01/2023 10:56

I’ve told my kids why 😬 now I feel mean, I’ve told them about some well known cases as well!

VariationsonaTheme · 27/01/2023 11:05

SpinningFloppa · 27/01/2023 10:56

I’ve told my kids why 😬 now I feel mean, I’ve told them about some well known cases as well!

I did this too. However I know my own kids are fairly robust, emotionally-speaking, and that they wouldn’t obsess and worry about it. Some others would and might need a more gentle approach. But I do think we should be truthful and open when discussing this subject.

ALS94 · 27/01/2023 11:19

Please please have the honest conversation. I’m a teacher of Year 6 (10/11) and some children are left to be so naive. It’s a tough conversation but it’s important, especially as secondary school isn’t far away.

I would explain that some adults have an attraction to children and would want to take them for that reason. It’s important they understand this and that it’s wrong to protect against any grooming attempts in the future. It’s also so important to explain to them that bad people don’t just look ‘stereotypical’, that people in suits, uniform, who are smiling etc are all still strangers. “They don’t have to be strange to be a stranger” The best way to protect your child is by arming them with knowledge.

twohomesneeded · 27/01/2023 11:20

This link may help @DinDjarin with talking things through with your DC.

clevernevergoes.org

Original poster

DinDjarin · 27/01/2023 13:55

@ALS94 how honest do you need to be though? Does a 10 year old need to know about sexual assault and rape?

Will definitely be chatting about keeping to areas with lots of people, where to sit on the bus, what to do if they think they're being followed, keeping phone hidden and not in a bag etc.

OP posts:

mightymam · 27/01/2023 14:03

Me: Don't run off please...

DC: Why?

Me: Because I need to see you and don't want you getting lost?

DC: Why?

Me: Because I love you and want to keep you safe

DC: But if I get lost, you can find me again.

Me: But I might not be able to find you. Someone might look at you and think you're really cute and want to take you home with them and I won't get to see you again

Said to my preschooler who thought it was funny to run off in the park.

ALS94 · 27/01/2023 14:35

@DinDjarin Maybe not explicitly rape with a 10 year old (depending on the child) but I’d have the conversation about body boundaries, what areas on their body are private which could lead on to taking about what to do if someone asks to touch those parts of you, or send pictures etc. Let the child ask questions which will guide the conversation and how much detail is needed.

It’s a lot to talk about all in one go so you could split the conversation into smaller chats and go back to it a few days later and give yourself time to asses how your daughter it absorbing the information and plan what to say next.

AndyWarholsPiehole · 27/01/2023 14:40

Just tell her some people want and like to hurt children. Simple as that.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 27/01/2023 14:41

The thing is, if they aren't aware of the danger and became the target, consequences are too huge, compared to a bit of uncomfortable talk with your children.

Rainallnight · 27/01/2023 14:44

I thought the talk these days wasn’t about stranger danger because so many abusive adults are family and friends?

OneFrenchEgg · 27/01/2023 14:45

Right from any time they might be out of my sight I told mine that some adults and children are dangerous and want to keep, hurt and kill a child. Not everyone, not only strangers (that led to trusted adults conversations, and even if we trusted someone what would we never do) and just to be careful you don't get in cars, start conversations alone, wander off etc.
None of them are traumatised, one of mine recounts how horrified she was at a friend stopping to chat to a stranger in a car and how she hauled them off.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 27/01/2023 14:49

Yeah I told DS who is now 6 that strangers might want to keep them and if that happened he wouldn't get to live with us or have his favourite toys or see grandparents anymore and we'd all be very, very sad.

I've also told him that some people aren't good people and might try to hurt him. We can't tell if someone is a good person or a bad person from looking at them so we need to stay with known grownups at all times.

Brefugee · 27/01/2023 14:51

Do they need to know though? when i was a little kid we regularly got warnings not to get in cars with strangers etc, just the idea that someone might want to take you away from your family was enough, rather than coming up with a scenario that even the writers of Criminal Intent would find scary?

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