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Panicking and overwhelmed by current circumstances

3 replies

PanickingAndOverwhelmed · 27/01/2023 10:02

I'm really struggling at the minute. DH and I have a 3 year old DD, with our second baby due in the summer. DH had cancer a few years ago and it's back. We're currently waiting for results to see if it has spread and whether it's treatable. Best case scenario will involve 4-5 months of painful treatment and reconstruction, worst case scenario is we lose him.

I'm scared and overwhelmed for so many reasons. Mainly, the prospect of my amazing, gentle, loving DH dying. Our kids growing up without their fantastic dad. Coping with two children on my own, due to our wider families living far away. I'm partially-sighted and can't drive anymore, so the logistics of life worry me. Even if treatment is successful, I don't know how we're going to manage financially as I'll be going on maternity leave and DH only gets company sick pay for eight weeks - even if it's best-case-scenario, he's going to be off work for months. He won't be covered by life insurance as it's a pre-existing condition, so if the worst happens, the kids and I will be in trouble financially as well as the emotional devastation.

I'm carrying on with work and life as normal but I can't concentrate, I find my eyes glazing over at my screen and I'm not getting enough done, so that's panicking me too.

I don't know what I'm hoping to gain from this post . . . maybe just somewhere to express feelings, as I'm trying to stay positive and bright in real life. DH is going through hell so although we've talked, I don't want him to know what a bad headspace I'm in.

I wish someone could tell me it's all going to be okay.

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 27/01/2023 10:18

I'm so, so sorry - it just sounds unbelievably terrifying and I really feel for you, I hope you get good news soon Flowers

MN is exactly the place for you to vent and express how you're feeling as naturally you're trying to be strong for DH and everyone in your life. So you just post as much or as little as you want. I believe there are some long-running threads with other MNers in your situation that you may find comfort and support (and potentially practical ideas on the finances side) from as well, I will see if I can find the links.

Xiaoxiong · 27/01/2023 10:28

Here it is - thread for partners of those with cancer: www.mumsnet.com/talk/life_limiting_illness/3942076-Still-the-storm

PanickingAndOverwhelmed · 27/01/2023 11:50

Thank you so much, @Xiaoxiong - I'll have a look.

I especially want to know how I can help DH as I think we're both feeling pretty powerless right now, and the not-knowing/waiting is hard. Hopefully that thread will give me some ideas of others experiences.

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