House not accessible for disabled husband

[Elisheva]

My husband is currently in hospital. He has chronic diabetic foot ulcers and is now facing a leg amputation.
Our house is currently completely inaccessible to somebody who cannot walk. I don't think he will have the upper body strength to use crutches so will have to be in a wheelchair, but how will that work? What will happen? He won't be able to get anywhere, bathroom, kitchen, bedroom etc. I don't even think he'll be able to stand up from the armchair by himself.
I understand that there are grants and that houses can be made accessible, but obviously that will take time. What will happen in the meantime? Has anyone experienced this?

Is he T1 or T2?
It sounds like he's given up. If T2 is it his diet that has caused it? Is that why he's unwilling to change? You must feel so sad and cross too.
If T1 is he finding managing his levels difficult. There are so many new technologies that can help but I bet you know that already.
Have you thought about contacting diabetes uk? They do have a helpline.
Do you work?
Who is going to look after him then?

He is type 2 but is now insulin dependent. He ignored his diabetes for 20 years - he used to throw his insulin in the bin because he didn't like doing the finger pricks. He now has a libre which has helped but his diet is still bad. I do all the cooking but he often doesn't eat what I cook and will make himself something else. He is supposed to be on a special diet to help his kidneys but that doesn't seem to be happening.
He is not overweight, but since developing foot ulcers about two years ago he has done no exercise at all, not even every day moving around. He has a mobility scooter, so the most walking he does is from the house to the taxi. He does still work at the moment, either in the office or from home. Without his wage we cannot afford the house so I've no idea what's going to happen. I had been aiming to save a years mortgage and I'm almost there, but if I have to spend that on adaptations to the house then I will have nothing in reserve.
The children are fond of him, but he never actually does anything with them. He is in hospital for weeks at a time and they're used to that now. I work in the day and most evenings are spent ferrying kids around. He had to stop driving 3 years ago because his eyesight was failing.

it sounds really difficult.
good advice from others about hospital discharge. it's up to your husband now.

and op it is ok to leave the relationship if you feel you can't continue.

I feel for you. In sickness and in health is one thing but when he's caused it all himself then that's a very different thing to come to terms with.
I wouldn't be blowing the ££ on adaptations because the way he's heading his kidneys will fail. Sorry to be blunt.
If you don't want to support him then that's understandable, it's not like he does anything to help himself. If this has not made him wake up nothing will

What does his will say? Dies he have life 8nsurance? If he dies where will that leave you ?

His will leaves everything to me. He doesn't have life insurance. To qualify he had to have stable blood sugars for 6 months and that was too hard, so he didn't bother. He does have health insurance through work but I'm not sure what that covers.
My aim was to save a years mortgage payments which would give me time to work out what to do, be that another job or move house or whatever.

It sounds like he needs some kind of therapy/psychological help to examine why he leads such an unhealthy lifestyle.

Is the current situation not giving him a wake up call?

I think you need to think very realistically about how much care you would be able to give DH. If he still needed some support even with the adaptions - would you be prepared to give it . For example to help him shower. Any external care and support is means tested so depending on how your savings are held you may have to pay for that.

Ask the hospital to make a referral to adult social care now. There is often a waiting list. The OT will discuss all options with you and you will get an idea of if you need to pay anything although with work and savings it is highly likely you will. However the OT can look at ways around things and give you advice. Also any equipment is provided free of charge.

I keep thinking about you OP and wondering how you are getting on. It sounds a terrible situation, and I totally understand your anger that your DH allowed things to get to this stage when it could have been avoided by taking his diabetes seriously. Unfortunately you are all living with the consequences of his nonchalance.
As pp suggested, a stairlift is a possible solution to avoid your DH having to take over your downstairs living space, providing he can get himself on/off it. If your bathroom is too small to be accessible for him if he is wheelchair bound, you will have to have a commode in the bedroom. Make it clear to OT that he will need to be capable of toiletting independently before he can come home as you need to work.
Big hugs OP.

I really hope you can find the help needed, there is the Disabled Facilities Grant?if relevant?
Disabled Facilities Grant - www.rapidramp.co.uk/product-news/what-is-a-disabled-facilities-grant

Hospital Discharge Grant (HDG) www.rapidramp.co.uk/product-news/improving-hospital-discharges-nhs-long-term-plan