Grow old gracefully - what does it even mean?

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

Does it mean accept grey hair and wrinkles whilst not doing anything about it? It really seems a very silly phrase to me. It can be taken in many ways.

I think it implies acceptance of ageing, which isn't necessarily a bad thing IMO. I find denial of the physical decline that comes with age quite weird. I mean, if it's not true why are there basically no professional athletes older than 35? It doesn't mean you just give up on your health, but it's important to recognise and adapt to life stages IMO.

I usually say I'm growing old dis-gracefully. I think the original saying means, basically don't let yourself fall apart. This always brings up an image of my nanna, who was well do to and never had a hair out of place, had it dyed until alzheimers caught up with her, always wore perfect makeup and clothes.

I would have thought it obvious? The way you present yourself and the way you act. For example in my 20's I would have got rather drunk, now in 50's I know when to stop before I start making a fool of myself (hadn't worked that out till my 30's). I probably cover up a bit more ie I will still wear skinny jeans but I wouldn't wear a short skirt. I probably take more care of myself and respect myself more which for me is just something that came with the years so for me that's growing old gracefully. Just off to dye my hair Ash blonde now and yes it will hopefully cover up the greys.

I take it to mean accepting that you are growing old, while still making the best of yourself. Not going in for extreme facelifts, for example.

It means being yourself and making the best of yourself without looking like mutton dressed as lamb.
Some people go grey very early, others can in in their 80s with few grey hairs, some get wrinkles at 30, others either never or not until their 70s.
It also means keeping your brain active and being interested in things that YOU enjoy rather than being dictated to by social media, for example.
Whatever, you should have your own style, that suits you and is not defined by "fashion".
Don't be a sheeple.

It's not obvious, no - the reason I asked is that someone at work in her 60s goes to the hairdresser every few weeks to have her roots done so she doesn't look grey, and occasionally has Botox, and works out and watches her weight. She was told to "stop being vain and grow old gracefully" !!!

I sincerely hope she told them to go fuck themselves?

I don’t like this phrase, I think it means accept you’re getting old and stop wearing miniskirts and don’t be “mutton”.

I don’t agree with it.

I take it to mean don't get fat or bolshy.

For a start it is a phrase that is only ever asked of / applied to women.

Women have to be meek, mild and accepting of men pushing them aside when they feel like it.

Good point about it only being applied to women.

I take it to mean ceding centre stage to the young and taking a backseat in society, career and social circles. I’m happily retired but otherwise ignoring any hints that I should tone things down a bit.

To me it's about practising stoicism in the best sense, making the most of whatever happens with good cheer, kindness, rather than being bitter or negative, selfish.

This being MN, doubtless others are ranting something about misogeny & The Patriarchy. (am not reading thread)

I don’t know, but I have no intention of doing so. I bloody hate ageing and intend to fight it every inch of the way. As soon as nanobots or senolytic drugs or any other anti-ageing medicine becomes available, I’ll try it. I actually have Andrew Steele’s book Ageless in front of me right now. I also hate people telling me that ‘ageing is a blessing’ and that we’re like fine wines that improve with time and all that crap. Nope. Ageing is horrible, horrible, horrible. I am in favour of anything that gets rid of aching bones and wrinkles and hair loss. I want to celebrate my 150th birthday in a luxury space hotel orbiting Mars.

I also loathe the idea that we must ‘act our age’ and turn into Ma Larkin, just living for a call from the grandchildren, with no life or thoughts of our own, huddled in front of the gas fire with a vacant smile on our face. Ugghh. As Brian Blessed said about growing old, “I haven’t got time for all that nonsense. I’ve got too much to do.” I want to be learning new things, travelling, embracing new technology, etc, right up to the end. I’m not going to embrace ageing, any more than I would ‘embrace’ cancer or poverty.

If she's growing old gracefully she would just smile and think "ahh, the youth of today" rather than reacting to someone telling her how to live her life

Growing old gracefully, I think, comes from within. ie. not airing your dirty laundry in public, knowing when to speak up or stay quiet, and having the courage of your own convictions - a quiet inner confidence.

you're right it's a complex concept. i'm 65 and my mother 90 and i have no clue.
i have applied it to women who are kind well spoken and nicely put together.
not meek but wise and who's company i enjoy.

So do I. And I’d love to know what delightful person had the brass neck to say that to her.

The pursuit of youth at all costs is, to me, graceless aging. To me, Grace always implies a buffer zone, a benefit of the doubt, a certain gentleness in approach. I see growing old gracefully as ageing normally while embracing aspects of youth, freshness, trends within the context of being comfortable with one's ageing process. The opposite is the opposite: fighting the ageing process as hard as possible. It seems jarring; it's a real conflict to look at, it looks like hard work, or unnatural or unflattering: it tends not to do the person many favours and grace is a kind of favour. I think Madonna is ageing gracelessly because the tension is apparent: its clear how hard she is fighting the process and it doesn't look good.

What bothers me is that this is often applied to women only and there is an element of both misogyny and ageism attached to it.

The idea being: women are only attractive and of value when they are thin, pretty and under a certain age so older women should just accept that they are no longer relevant and fade quietly into the background and take up knitting and jam making...

I don't think there is nothing wrong with people taking pride in their appearance and trying to stay healthy at any age.

Of course no one wants to see middle aged people trying to behave like 20 year old students or people addicted to plastic surgery but beyond that people should do whatever the hell makes them happy. Life is too short to worry about what some narrow minded people consider ''graceful ageing''.