Direct payments for carers etc

[Username9898]

How much ‘work’ (effort, time) is it to manage someone’s direct payments? I’ve changed my username for this as it’s a bit outing but as background…
My mum has dementia and I have POA. She’s recently been assessed as having no capacity for her own decisions and her SW has asked me to take over managing her direct payments. She was a terrible parent (abusive, alcoholic). I have PTSD as result of my childhood and ‘dealing’ with stuff for her makes my mental health so much worse. I’ve not seen her for 18 months and I’ve stepped right back from anything to do with her. I make sure her electric bill is payed and authorise the occasional large purchase (e.g fixing fence) but that’s been the limit of my involvement. This has been hugely helpful for my mental health!!
I live a very long way away, don’t drive and have a busy job and a child of my own. She still at home, has a carer 4x a day. Realistically how much ‘work’ will this be? I’m not sure I can cope with doing it but not sure what the alternative is. I wish I’d never taken in the POA but it’s a bit late now ☹️

You can say no. They can't force you to take it on can they?

Well no I guess they can’t. But I get major guilt about being a ‘bad daughter’ and people judging me for being so uncaring to the sad, lonely lady with dementia.

Just say no. Why on earth would you even care what a random social worker thinks of you - she'll probably be transferred to a different department next month anyway leaving you with a new social worker.

Most people don't have direct payments. They just have a homecare agency do it all for them. Social services liaise with the homecare company, engage them, and then pay the bill monthly. It's what most people do. It has nothing to do with being POA, thats a completely different matter.

I'm assuming you're not already on direct payments though.

@Chowtime she is already on direct payments. There’s a sort of management company that deal with it but I think they’re wanting to change it slightly. There is mention on the webpage about having a prepaid debit card type thing. I think because she has no grasp of money and there was some red flags about the carer using her debit card. I don’t think the carer has been stealing from her but she’s not been keeping very good records. To be honest I’d just like her to go in a home. At least I know she would be safer there.

Shit mother's reap what they sow. Who cares what some random faceless person thinks of you? We're not obligated to care for people, just because they gave us life.

Also I know it’s ridiculous to care what the SW thinks. I’ve worked through a lot of stuff in therapy but I can’t let go of the ‘maybe if I’d been better, she wouldn’t have been so awful to me’. I assumed a lot of responsibility for her early on in life - I had to parent her as well as myself. Other family members/friend of the family have sort of tried to keep forcing it on me into adulthood as well.

If a management company is dealing with the direct payments then let them continue to do so or they can find someone to transfer the job too. It's up to them to find someone else if they don't want to do it anymore. They are probably having trouble finding carers.

You are under no obligation to do their job for them, just because they've decided it's got a bit harder to do now. In fact, it's fucking cheeky of them to ask.