Is your DH/partner a gentleman?

[MsMiaWallace]

Kids asked me this morning if DH was a gentleman. I thought about it & I'm not sure.
He said charming stating he looks after me. Actually I do most the 'looking after'.
He does cook nice meals, cleans up etc but is this the act of a gentleman or a spouse fairly contributing?

I think the opening doors thing is interesting - some men will open the door and walk through it, leaving it to slam in the face of anyone who's behind them. Anyone except a woman they fancy or their boss, that is. They are the ones to avoid.

Yes! He always opens doors for me, including the car door, walks on the outside of the pavement and carries all the bags. He sees these things as basic manners though nothing special. He's beyond kind, generous and empathic - he's a better human than me!

I don't think it's about thinking women can't do these things for themselves.
Of course I can carry my own bag but it's easier for DH and he recognises this so if he's in my company he will do it for me.

I guess it's just been considerate

Mine is, excellent manners. He's public school educated and it was drummed into them (shame being abandoned to boarding school from young causes other long term effects)

Depends what you mean by ‘gentleman’. If you mean patriarchal, patronising, old-fashioned & sexist, then definitely not.
DP has always treated me as an equal and he does not subscribe to traditional gender roles. He cooks & cleans, but he doesn’t open car doors for me. He assumes (correctly) that I am perfectly capable of wiring a plug or checking the oil in my car, but he would carry a heavy bag rather than letting me do it.

@VioletaDelValle if someone opens a door to be polite, great. If they only do that for women, then I think it's weird.

If someone carries a bag for someone because it's too heavy or they're being helpful then go for it. Again, don't just do it because I'm a woman.

It's not complicated.

Why do men need to walk on the outside of a pavement?

You have misunderstood the term. A Gentleman in history could be rude to other men, and non-gentlemen could be polite to women.

It was an indicator of social status. Subsequent to that it has been used as a general term of someone to behaved with a certain level of manners and civility to both men and women, but this was more of a 1960s thing.

From the time of the contents chamber pots being thrown out of windows.

The idea that the sewage being thrown in to the street and the carriages and carts splashing it up at pedestrians you woudl put the man between the splatter and the women.

The old fashioned reason was so they don't get splashed by puddles. 🙄

I don't class things like standing up when a woman enters a room or on the outside as pavements as "gentlemanly". It would be walking someone home, carrying a pram up the stairs, holding a door open for anyone, not swearing, generally be courteous for me.

Yes. He is, but I class it as good manners and thoughtfulness. I have the same - I open doors for strangers with their hands full for example.
I think it really boils down to do they think about others.

The female equivalent was "lady" they were just marker of social status and the expected codes of behaviour.

Yes, he's respectful and considerate.

Mine is yes.
He even gives me his coat if I'm cold 😂

I've got one like that too. Just naturally considerate. But human too

I consider my DH one of 'nature's gentlemen' like his lovely father - so no performative chivalry but kindness and good manners to young and old alike.

Yes - he always walks on the outside of pavements! He doesn't mollycoddle me (nor should he), but he will assist with difficult manual or physical tasks. He brings me breakfast in bed every Sunday morning. He is kind and polite to my friends. He is interested in art, theatre, history and politics. He even describes himself as "a sporting gentleman", as he no longer works and thus has time to pursue various outdoorsy & countryside hobbies 😂

Df once filled in an official share document which had his profession already filled in as "Gentleman"

He was well chuffed!!

(he was actually a professional layabout, but hey ho) 😏

I fell for my now-husband when he got me safely out of a moshpit that had got out of hand, produced a clean cloth handkerchief from his scruffy combat trousers for the cut above my eye, and dived back in to retrieve my lost glasses. That's my kind of gentleman.

My dh carries my shopping, generally holds doors open for me and also makes sure I have climaxed before him in bed!

So he is in some ways but he can also be a selfish arsehole. I wouldn’t want someone who was over-zealously gentlemanly though - it would smack to me of thinking I’m some sort of weak little woman.

Actually I’ve just thought of something else he does - we often go out walking and I often forget my gloves. He always insists on me wearing one glove on my free hand and then he wears the other and we hold hands to keep the bare ones warm. That’s pretty gentlemanly! (I wouldn’t share my gloves tbh 😂)

Mine absolutely is. He has a coffee ready for me in the morning and when I come in from a long shift at work he will have done all the household chores and made our evening meal plus put my slippers by the fire and my pjs on the radiator in the bathroom. He listens and hears everything I say and remembers what I've said too. He's kind and always thoughtful and if I mention a diy problem in the house he sorts it as soon as he can. I never carry bags and he always opens doors for me. We work together amazingly well and I know I'm incredibly lucky that we "fit". Our children have a very happy home.

That's a knight in shining armour that is! 👌🏻