Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How often do you have sex as parents?

22 replies

Irubd · 25/01/2023 20:35

Going through a bit of a dry spell. DS is 1, doesn’t sleep through and gets in our bed in the night until morning

so there’s a barrier here and there. Me and my boyfriend are exhausted due to the not sleeping and when we’ve finished work and get him from nursery , then it’s bed time routine and after it all we’re tired.

Im worried is this normal to not have sex so often I’d say it’s been nearly a month ? A week of that was me on my period and I never want to then. So that’s always a no

OP posts:
Glo1988 · 25/01/2023 20:37

Completely normal. You have to really work at it, when you have no energy. Make the most of the times when they’re in their own bed and work at keeping them there. Do you get date nights, can someone babysit so you can spend some time together? One evening a fortnight or something? Just being together as a couple; you’ll be much more up for it!!

Original poster
Irubd · 25/01/2023 20:39

@Glo1988 Thank you it was today in work I heard people talking dry spells and some people were like “a week is too long” and I felt
guilt like I was an awful girlfriend!

We do occasionally! Unfortunately the one we have planned next month is around the time I am due on my period so I’m hoping it doesn’t come so we can be alone together😭

j feel like my sex drive is non existent now. And I always had a slightly higher one

OP posts:
rainydaysun · 25/01/2023 20:40

I think it's normal. My DD is 18 months and we only manage once a week now, but it was way longer spells when she was tiny as I prioritised sleep over EVERYTHING!

NoEffingWay · 25/01/2023 20:43

DP and I have sex at the most random times, when we can fit it in (no pun intended!). It's just a case of taking the opportunity. DS is in school though which helps and we are both shift workers so it's a case of when we can. We still fancy each other but life gets in the way sometimes.

Don't discount just having a hug and a kiss though, we make an effort to stay physically affectionate, helps that we like each other Grin

Mistonthemountains · 25/01/2023 20:46

I was just pondering this. Its been a month for us because we've been ill etc but we aim for once a week and often it ends up every 10 days or so. Not enough really but keeps it ticking over

Catnary · 25/01/2023 20:49

At work?! That is disgusting conversation to have in the workplace. What sort of awful environment do you work in?

What you describe about your sex life is normal.

Original poster
Irubd · 25/01/2023 20:52

@Catnary yea I didn’t really participate because I’m not someone who’s comfortable speaking about my sex life!

it was a conversation I just couldn’t stop listening to and I wish I could’ve because I ended up feeling like a shitty girlfriend after it ! Lol

OP posts:
Northernmama123 · 25/01/2023 20:52

I was only talking to my friend about this today. I I have a 10mo old and my husband and I both work so we are usually too tired for sex. We usually have sex at weekends but sometimes not, due to period or just total knackeredness. Longest we went was 3 weeks and my friend, who has a 15mo old, said exactly the same.
I still fancy my husband very much and vice versa, we'd have loads of sex of it wasn't for those pesky kids! :-p

Gymmum82 · 25/01/2023 20:54

It’s been about 2 or 3 years. Our kids are 6 and 9. I have no desire to have sex ever again

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 25/01/2023 20:56

Our children are 5, 6 and 7 and we have sex once a week if that and its usually when they are at school and DP happens to be off work. Was much less frequent when they were younger. We went 6mths once because we were both too tired.

Eeiliethya · 25/01/2023 20:57

Irubd · 25/01/2023 20:39

@Glo1988 Thank you it was today in work I heard people talking dry spells and some people were like “a week is too long” and I felt
guilt like I was an awful girlfriend!

We do occasionally! Unfortunately the one we have planned next month is around the time I am due on my period so I’m hoping it doesn’t come so we can be alone together😭

j feel like my sex drive is non existent now. And I always had a slightly higher one

Completely normal and especially with a young baby/toddler.

At that point, if I had any time to myself the last thing I wanted was anyone touching me after being attached to a baby all day. I wanted some personal space when it became available 😂.

We probs made time about once a month.

My mojo returned when she was about 4.

Popsnap · 25/01/2023 21:13

DS is 15 months and I’m pregnant!!!!
We are exhausted. Husband wants it more but now I am back at work I feel like a zombie . I enjoy it when we do it but I feel so tired I don’t Ever really feel the urge to want to do it .

Now just about to make the effort as it has been a week. My eyes are so sore as I’m so tired . I could cry ! But I am going go initiate as I rarely do and feel I should. I do want to . I just feel so tired but am terrified me and DH will drift .

Simonjt · 25/01/2023 21:41

I think once a week is okay with a child of that age, I’m fairly certain we didn’t manage it at all for maybe 5-6 months. Our youngest turned one recently and we’re probably averaging once a week.

NoEffingWay · 25/01/2023 21:46

@Catnary I recommend you never work in care. No conversation is off limits Grin

Mamadothehump · 25/01/2023 21:46

Wait until you've got teenagers!! Our sex life is now more infrequent than ever now we've got 3!! So much easier when they were younger and went to bed at 7!!

userxx · 25/01/2023 21:49

Gymmum82 · 25/01/2023 20:54

It’s been about 2 or 3 years. Our kids are 6 and 9. I have no desire to have sex ever again

Are you both happy with that ?

totallybonafido · 25/01/2023 21:49

We're both really bad at prioritizing sex, generally it's anything from 3 weeks to a couple of months between. We used to do it weekly before kids. Youngest DC is almost 4 and I'm just starting to feel a bit more frisky. We're very affectionate otherwise and talk about it regularly, to make sure that no one is feeling neglected. If either of us did, we'd really make an effort to do it more often. It helps that on the rather rare occasion that we get around to it, we're totally gagging for it as it's been so long, so it's usually amazing 🤩

twoandcooplease · 25/01/2023 21:52

At that point, if I had any time to myself the last thing I wanted was anyone touching me after being attached to a baby all day. I wanted some personal space when it became available 😂.

Omg yes this is me! I've been breastfeeding 15mo ds all day. Unless it's the weekend afternoon while DP is off and ds is napping then it's our time. Otherwise I need personal space 😂

Florencenotflo · 25/01/2023 21:55

Yep, normal. We average once a week, but in reality I think it's probably once every couple of weeks. I have a 7 year old and a 3 year old but then are up very early. Plus DH works shifts, so some nights he isn't here, which obviously doesn't help!

But I just found years of a non sleeping baby/toddler really took it out of me. With DH working shifts/nights the kids only ever want me when they wake, throw in a dose of PND with my youngest and for a long time it just wasn't a priority.

We really put a lot of effort into showing lots of affection in other ways, lots of hugs, giving each other a proper kiss goodbye in the morning (sounds cheesy, but it's actually lovely not just a rushed peck on the cheek), cuddling in bed (with no expectation of it leading to sex). I know DH would like it more, but we know this isn't forever and if you're both happy, then that's fine.

Mummyof287 · 25/01/2023 21:59

5yo and 14mo- 14mo is a bad sleeper and often wakes up during the evenings.We have sex probably once every 2 weeks min 4wks max

Kkk17 · 05/07/2023 19:15

Irubd · 25/01/2023 20:35

Going through a bit of a dry spell. DS is 1, doesn’t sleep through and gets in our bed in the night until morning

so there’s a barrier here and there. Me and my boyfriend are exhausted due to the not sleeping and when we’ve finished work and get him from nursery , then it’s bed time routine and after it all we’re tired.

Im worried is this normal to not have sex so often I’d say it’s been nearly a month ? A week of that was me on my period and I never want to then. So that’s always a no

Me and my partner have High sex drives so every evening and sometimes in the morning before work

Fairymother · 05/07/2023 19:29

DH has a very high sex drive, so this wouldnt have worked for us. We try to stick to a minimum of twice a week, but it does take some effort to keep it up.
Its a little like going to the gym! Hard work to get off your butt and just do it, but once youre there you realise how good it is! Then the next day you cant get your butt off the couch again 😀

New posts on this thread. Refresh page