Moving out of London but to where?

[9thFloorNightmare]

I am a foreigner who has been living in London since 2005 - I have moved around a lot, usually in the SW London area and I am now settled in a very green and friendly area, good transports links and services, walking distance to the river. It would be absolutely perfect if my flat was a little better (communal areas especially) or if I was on the ground - although I love being high up, I wish my cats could roam outdoors.

But...

My DD15 has some MH issues and I do sometimes wonder if living in a quieter place would help her anxiety. I've never had anxiety so I don't know if the place you live is relevant.
I used to be out and about a lot and enjoy a lot of what London has to offer but for the past few years and definitely since the pandemic, I am staying at home more and more and DD also don't want to do anything but we appreciate that we have a lot of opportunities on our door step should we want to take advantage.

If I moved out of London I would probably get a bigger place on the ground floor, a garden for my cats and a proper secure space for the adult tricycle I want to but for DD (she has balance problems).

I also work from home so commuting is not necessary.

And we could always spend the night at my sisters if we wanted to come for the weekend or whatever.

Also I don't drive but a move would force me to learn.

But where? I haven't traveled much inside England and have no clue about where I would start looking.

It still would have to be an interesting place though.

Any suggestions?

oooops - I am not big fan of the cold

I wouldn't need to visit my sister often no, but I would like to be able to come for leisure / events etc

Somewhere like Worthing might be good. Coastal, close to the South Downs and very easy to get to Brighton for city life and London. There are some large villages on the outskirts. Best of all worlds.

Don't think I would be able to afford though

I'm from a tropical country in South America, very mixed race, my ancestors are from all over the place and I am brown, my hair isn't straight and I obviously have an accent. DD has curly hair but is white and speaks RP English.

I love the diversity in London and never had any problems so if I move, would love to feel as comfortable as I feel here.

I'm mixed race and from the same country as Bolsonaro (don't judge me) but I am well integrated with the British culture and hold the British values, always worked for English companies. I speak good English but clearly not native.

DD's father is born and bred white British, blond hair and blue eyes, her skin is white and she has curly dark hair - a part from the from the hair she passes for 100% white in my opinion and some people don't know / think she is mixed.

Oh wow - I am not a property expert but I think in London everywhere has a mix of mortgaged, rented and social housing doesn't it?

Didn't know other places were so segregated

M62 band, liverpool to Manchester to leeds to hull. Loads of nice areas and just over 2hrs direct trains back to london. House prices are much more affordable, Peak District is close.

Out of the above I would live in the wirral, great links to liverpool, Chester and Wales. Amazing countryside and beaches. Just a really nice area

I wouldn't move too far from London if you are in any doubt. Other large cities are far less cosmopolitan.

On this basis Bournemouth. Dorset is a beautiful county. Bournemouth is on the mainline to Waterloo. You could study games design at Bournemouth uni.

I wouldn't move somewhere rural with a teenager. They need to be get out and meet people and will one day need to find a job.

What about Reading/Maidenhead.
Further our but cheaper, river and still a train into London. Or around that area basically!
Good luck! Though I rented in SW London before buying in East London and I loved it, really wish I could have bought there!

I really wouldn’t move OP. You speak so positively about where you live and say it is almost perfect. It would be really difficult to recreate what you have now.
You haven’t said a great deal about how your DD’s mental health issues present, and how you (or she ) envisage moving to a completely different area would help. Does she get any help with her anxiety?

I think I would stay where you are too.

Oxford, easy commute back to London and it's an interesting small city with lovely countryside around it. But it's a bit pricey, not quite London prices though.

Reading same as above, probably not as nice as Oxford though but more affordable.

Brighton is diverse and very eclectic. But it's a little like London by the sea. But nice places outside Brighton in the South Downs.

Southampton, don't know it as well but know a few people who moved there from London and love it. Lovely countryside on your doorstep with the new forest and the coast.

All the above are in SE England as not far to London. But my favourite English city is Bath, more SW. gorgeous interesting city with beautiful countryside right there. Easy journey down to Devon and cornwall and I think a 2hr train ride back to west London.

But should add. Bath is not cheap. Bristol cheaper but I don't think as nice.

Just on the MH/anxiety side of things... different things would help different people. For me, I'd feel so isolated leaving London, that my MH would plummet. Its not a one size fits all. Is she accessing any services? Would moving interrupt this ? Have you spoken to her about moving ?

Have you lived in less urban places in London before ? Would that suit better ?

You might like it here in Bath OP- we have lived in Richmond /Kingston area and I think there is a similar vibe and we also have the river - it's also pretty liberal (Lib Dem MP) and although it's not particularly multi cultural my friend has a mixed race child and has no issue at all and I've got both black and mixed race friends too. It's on a great train link and there's a massive range of housing. It's not cheap but it is cheaper than SW London

We also have a ton of 'moved from London's' but a great mix of people who have lived here all their lives too. It has very posh areas and council estates , 2 universities , one a really top one and a really decent FE college too - the thing I really like though is that it has great leisure facilities but is small enough to walk around easily and meet up with people and beautiful countryside and hills that you can see even whilst stood in town

OP do you really think it’s a good idea to leave London? What is it you are looking for? You are international people (I say that as someone with an international family) and wonder if you would find something missing if you moved somewhere predominantly white British. Also, if your DD is feeling anxious I would be cautious hare-ing off before you understand what is at the root of it

She is also in two minds like me, she does get a lot of professional help and tbh we would have to start again from zero if we moved - all the professionals would have to change

Problem is - she has been to 3 schools in the area, 1 primary and 2 secondaries - the experience in the secondaries was not good and they have children from the primary there and in other schools around here too so the main bulk of her anxiety is meeting these young people - even though nothing would happen to her and she is not at risk - she wish she was somewhere where she would not bump / see anyone she knows - a completely new, fresh beginning

I have been trying to move within London for quite some time now, but it is hard unless I downgrade one bedroom which is not an option - I'm very lucky to be where I am and only by a miracle would I find something similar in terms of price, size and in a good, green, safe and friendly area with easy transport

Yes, I agree. Great people too. I live in rural Essex, but am beginning to hate it. They just never stop building. My local woods have been hacked into to make room for a giant new estate. And at the other end of the village they are building...well, I was going to say a new build estate, but it’s more like a mini town. The country lanes round here are choked with traffic NOW, so god knows what they’ll be like when all those houses and flats have been sold.

I’d also consider Scotland.

Late teens/early twenties is not a great time to take someone away from their wider support network! Unless she doesn't have any friends anyway?

I'd rent somewhere for a year or so first, and rent out your flat in London.

College and university are very different from secondary school. I hated school and the people there, but life got so much better. Why not move to another part of London, say SE instead of SW? Liz line has made transport easier there.
Healthcare is really good in London; while other cities are likely fine, somewhere rural you may struggle to access the care she needs.

I’d also suggest Bournemouth/Southampton/Plymouth all along warmer, brighter South Coast. All reasonable sized cities with decent Unis, the sea, and nature.

Bournemouth especially has an eclectic, diverse bunch of people. I loved it there when I lived there in my 20’s. Beach is beautiful (when it’s not full of grockles!). Great choice of restaurants. Wish I’d stayed there rather than move to London. Only 2.5 hours or so drive from London, and 2 hours on the train.

Ofcourse it matters if you would be renting / Buying or a council exchange

If you want advice and area to move to and for example you have £200,000 then people suggesting certain places is pointless

If you and your DD have good friends in London then I would say stay in London but look further out (because of the friends and the medical set up). If you’re near the river I’m guessing you’re in quite a pricey central-ish area, so moving further out would get you more space and green around, change of school for your DD, but still be able to meet friends and see the same doctors.

If you don’t have a network in London then Bristol seems like a decent option, nice size city, fairly liberal.