Downward spiral and can't pull myself out. Need a boot up the backside

[Florabella]

I'm really struggling at the moment, but I need a boot up the backside as I can't afford to just give up and my kids deserve better.

It has been a tough year. My partner left me and the kids, and I bought a house just as the cost of living crisis hit. I'm self employed, and I need to grow my business, but it's just so tough in the current market and I'm quieter than I have been in years. I can't go back into the job market and get a job that will pay enough to cover my ever increasing mortgage. I'm losing the will to keep trying with my business, but if I can't grow then I can't pay the mortgage and my kids will lose their home. They don't deserve any of this. But now I am in a spiral of self pity. I spent this morning crying instead of pushing and pushing every avenue to get more business. I'm just exhausted and the only thing I look forward to is going to bed at night. Then I have to get up and face it all again, and I can't face it. Except I have to. I don't have a choice. So how do I get the kick up the backside and the determination to keep pushing?

Have you spoken to your GP in case there is some depression going on too? Life is unrelentingly hard for so many people right now and I think it is OK to acknowledge that. Can you set yourself a small, achievable goal rather than trying to do it all at once?

I don't think there is any point seeing the GP as it won't change the set of circumstances I am in. I have set myself marketing tasks to do for my business and I am getting through them (but much slower than I should be), and nothing I am doing has made any difference so far. The next things to try involve a financial outlay and I m so scared to spend any more in case it doesn't work and I just lose my home earlier. I just want to go back to bed and pull the covers over me. I have to stop crying before the kids get home from school. And I fucking hate my ex for putting me in this position and destroying everything

You don’t need a boot up the backside, you need help. You’ve had a lot to deal with and it’s not surprising you feel overwhelmed and struggling. It isn’t a question of ‘pulling yourself together’ or any other phrases, you need some support and that might be via some medication for a while, or other therapy. Not easy, but contact your GP if you can.

@Florabella

Sorry to hear. I have been in a bit dissimilar situation too.

Going to the doctors won't change the situation, that's a work in progress. But if you are not averse to some medical help in the form of ADs then they can really help with your mindset.

Within 2/3 weeks on the ones I was put on I was feeling so much better. Feeling so much better in myself and more positive about my work (I work in sales so you really do have to have a positive attitude) , I cried less about my life situation (ex left me with 2 under 3), spent more time with my kids and it allowed me to see the good and start feeling more strong and positive. And then more positive things started to happen.

It wasn't like a huge noticeable change. I just felt like my normal self instead of at the bottom of a well.

If you haven't tried it then I wouldn't not on principle. Sometimes you just need a bit of a hand.

Thanks. I guess I don't think of myself as being depressed as it's the external situation that's too much for me. And maybe I'm just not good enough to keep my business going. I run two businesses and the second one is also being hit by the current downturn. And I have three kids. I didn't want to waste a doctor's time about something that only I can fix. But, I don't know - maybe anti depressants would give me the strength and mindset to try harder to get it all fixed. I'm just going round in circles and I hate myself for being so weak and not being able to just step up and fix this for my kids

@Florabella

I was not depressed either. It was absolutely the external set of circumstances I found myself in. It enabled me to cope through a really difficult time when I really needed to be stronger than I felt (for my financial situation and the DC). I had no idea how common it was until I was on them myself (not saying that's a good thing but it's certainly more common than I thought)

It's not forever - just until you feel like you are more on top of things. It was a last resort for me but I am glad I did. I also got 12 sessions of counselling through the Gp which helped me process the sudden (for me) breakdown of my marriage. It was 12 years ago now but worth asking.

Thanks. That's really useful to hear from someone in similar circumstances. I thought I was doing ok, but suddenly I'm not. The phrase you use 'I really needed to be stronger than I felt (for my financial situation and the DC)' is exactly how I feel

Mine was circumstance too due to my husband's ill health and subsequent death so I do get what you are going through and I chose not to go down the AD route but talking to the GP and the nurse helped. I was checked up on regularly by the nurse (she would phone me) to see how I was doing. I think, for me, it was like a support bandage on a sprained ankle. It just propped me up enough to be able to see the woods for the trees.

I only ever needed AD’s for incredibly hard external circumstances too, not your average depression. Once they kicked in it was like having the ability to do all the things that were crippling me before. What are your businesses? Maybe we can help. Having been self employed, I understand the pressure you are under.