Do you work full time with secondary aged kids?

[TwoMagnificentLabradors]

If so, does it feel doable in terms of home/ work balance?

DS starts secondary school in September, DD will be in Year 10 and I’m considering upping my hours from about 3.5 days a week to full time. I am self employed so it’s not an irreversible decision if it doesn’t work but my work is booked months in advance so I’ll need to decide soon. I can work flexibly, so I’d still be in when they get off the school bus, and can work far fewer hours in the school holidays. We have a cleaner/ housekeeper 2 days a week. DH works long hours but can pick up some slack when he’s working at home. He does early morning dog walks, and when he’s out, they have a morning dig walker.

Any pitfalls I need to consider? Any secrets to making it work?

It sounds like you’ve got a good set up with flexibility in your work, supportive DH, outside help. I’d go for it!

I’ve worked full time throughout my kids teenage years. The bit that is important for me is somebody being around when they’re getting off to school in the morning and when they get home in the evening, or at least shortly afterwards. Sometimes that’s been me, sometimes DH, but as a parent of teens and someone who works with teens, I’d say those little windows of having an adult around to support, supervise etc are really important for teenagers. They can so easily start doing their own teenage thing without it!

Thank you. I agree that being home at the end of the day matters. While DH is very supportive, 4-6.30 is his busiest time (he has US clients plus juniors wanting sign off on things), so the best he can really offer then is ensuring everyone is home safely. DS has ADHD and is likely to find the homework expectations tough, so I’m fully expecting this will need lots of input, at least at first. One plus is that the bus trip to and from school ( meaning they are out 8-5) gives me a bit of time to okay with, pretty much making a full work day.

What do people suggest we outsource if we can? I’m expecting to be quite tired at first.

Also, when do people fit in a bit of exercise? Even now my good intentions often go fall by the wayside.

Agree with this.Even if they do go straight up to their bedroom I just feel it’s nice for either myself or their dad to see them off to school and be around either straight from school or in the evening. I’m separated but exH pops in morning or evening if I’m at work.

It sounds like before and end of the school day presence really matters. We should fortunately be able to make that work even if I do go full time. DD14 already vanished to her room boy does appreciate being brought a snack. She reappears at supper time and we always eat together and watch TV or play a game, unless they have an evening commitment.

I'm a single parent and work ft in secondary school. I don't (can't afford) to outsource anything. Yes of course it's doable, but you need to be organised, use your frees well and think about the kind of work you set to manage your marking load. Get the school calendar into your own diary as soon as possible so you know about late finishes, parents evening etc well in advance and actually it won't do your kids any harm to start getting their own snack, packing their own bag etc.

If they're normally out 8-5 and are generally resilient it sounds very doable. I gave up work but very different circumstances.

Maybe think through the logistics if they want to stay late for clubs. We found on my work days that DC just wouldn't because they'dchave a long walk home in the dark and I couldn't pick them up. Especially in Y7, being available to offer late lifts home made a big difference in them joining in. If it's public buses that run late that's much easier.

Gosh, I mean, it sounds very doable if they are out of the house 8-5. That is more than FT hours you have to work every day. I can't see why it wouldn't be doable? Dh works FT running a company and I work 0.8FTE (but it's really a higher workload than than, plus I travel once or twice a month). And that's with two in primary school and absolutely no hired or family help. Surely if you work 8-5 every day, you still have at least an hour (possibly 2) in the middle of the day to sort out life admin, cooking, washing, with a little bit of work in the evening.

Of course. I don't know anybody who doesn't work full time with secondary age kids, it's normal. I am a single parent and do not have a cleaner, I do my own cleaning. The place doesn't get that messy when no one is in it all day. I absolutely do not bring DS snacks to his room, at secondary age he is plenty old enough to feed himself. They need to learn a bit of independence!

I work from home 2 days a week and in the office 3 days a week, luckily my work is walking distance from home. On the days I go out to work we leave at the same time in the morning and my mum pops in one day a week after school. The other 2 days he lets himself in after school and is on his own for a couple of hours. Does him no harm, he just goes on the PlayStation anyway.

Exercise wise I go to the gym on a Saturday morning. DS is usually still asleep when I get back! He's older though, almost 15.

You might want to think about taking on a reduced load of work during april-june of y11 as some youngsters appreciate / need additional support through their GCSEs.

I think with all the help you've got in place you'll be more than fine.

I'm a single parent and I've recently changed my job from teaching as I no longer need the long summers off and was struggling with the evening work and running DD around to a flexitime hybrid 'normal' job with 3 days at home as DD doesn't need me to take her places or be looked after/supervised but likes me around the house.

If you are self employed why not just avoid booking the extra work in the holidays or when your DC are about? So full time termtime and part time in the holidays?

Tried it and hated it. Dropped back down to part time. I found working full time so, so much easier when they were at primary school.

The before and after school clubs etc which they loved going too. Now….. I like to be “around” a bit more. They seem to need me more now but in different ways. I mean every family is different but that’s my take on things at the minute. I do have three at secondary though and the dramas, moods, and god knows what else is overall quite weary at times.

Thank you all. It’s reassuring to know that full time is manageable, while still meeting everyone’s needs. I guess to those already doing full time, it sounds silly to be fussing about it. But I only know three couples where both work full time. All with younger kids, and nanny/ housekeepers. Everyone else either does not work, one or both parents work part time/ flexibly or their partner is at home. I think perhaps my social group is not very representative.

DS will get on the school bus after prep/ clubs and his school is close by. DD is already catching the later public bus if she had a club, so she’ll be fine. I was happy for them to choose less local schools but being able to get to/ from school independently was a non-negotiable.

The April-May of Year 11 I plan to book off completely, or drastically reduce my workload. Increased hours in the next couple of hours should allow me to do that. That’s a big advantage of being self employed, I think.

In terms of homework lots of children find it easier to do it at school in their normal work environment because once they get home they are in home mode, so if there is a homework club I'd recommend him going there to keep the structure particularly if he has ADHD.

Pretty much all working class parents work full time OP, sounds like you're in a bit of a bubble. You just get on with it, it's life.

Of course. I don't know anybody who doesn't work full time with secondary age kids.

Lol, this

I find school hols tricky; but like you am self employed. I have been known to work 5am - 9 am in school hols plus a half day in normal hours but it’s exhausting. Normally get exercise in v early in the morning before everyone else gets up. In bed and asleep by 10 tho! (The kids aren’t.)

Yeah what beezknees said really. I have 3 kids, we both work full time. No cleaners or housekeepers sadly. We work from home. I start early and dh does the morning bit, I then finish early and do the afternoon bit while he works on. I exercise most lunch times with longer exercise sessions on the weekend.
House could be tidier but it's fine. We have a home cooked meal most nights. Its very doable.

I don't know many people who do. Most people have stuck to 4 days to have a bit of flex around being around for dr / orthodontist / odd jobs / house admin and to make it easier in the school holidays. 4 days gives you a bit of flex to swap days when necessary without taking leave. I do 4 days with secondary kids. The 5th day would just push it a bit too far in terms of being able to run the house and be around for them. would be doable but not preferable

That must be nice for them.

Yes! I'm a single mum to 3DC, 2 in secondary school and 1 in primary. Also self-employed and working full time. I stop for a bit when DC get home to catch up on their day, and then the youngest sits next to me for a bit to finish her homework whilst I carry on working. She then goes off to watch tv/relax/whatever with whichcever of the older 2 are free.

I finish work by 6pm and then we make dinner together and clean up.

No cleaners etc and no partner for backup. I get up around 6am-ish and work out then before they are awake, and empty dishwasher etc then too. I am in bed by 10pm.

Laundry is early morning, and cleaning/ironing is after dinner or Saturday mornings.

You have the added bonus of a DH and his presence and income, this will be easy enough!

Bear in mind that yr 7 is tough and my dd needed me more between 11-14 than any other time. The workload is great but they are not mature enough to do it all on their own. They also want more (and later) clubs and to see their friends. Personally I would rather work full time when they were younger.

Probably depends on your household. I don't personally need an extra day off in the week to do admin and jobs. But I have a pretty easy DC who doesn't need a huge amount of support.

I went back full time when they went to secondary school. I had my hours set in such a way that I could leave for work as they went off to school and that I would be home fairly soon after them if DH wasn't already back. We both work locally.