Online therapy from home and lack of privacy

[Fightingitoff]

I started therapy again after stopping a couple of years ago. It's the same therapist as last time, I like her very much, but she's entirely online now and doesn't do in person anywhere. We've had two sessions now. The trouble is that I live in a one bedroom flat with my DH, and I really can't talk 100% confidentially while he's there. He's usually in the other room as he's working, so he can't hear most of it, but he goes past the bedroom if he goes to the loo, and I never know if he's going to walk around the flat etc.

I need to speak more freely and openly about some things in a place where he definitely can't hear, but I have nowhere to go. I'm not being abused or anything, don't worry, just having some unhappiness in my marriage. I've been wearing headphones so my therapist can say anything she needs to, but I still need to speak out loud.

I very much want to continue therapy again but I don't know what to do about this privacy issue. I don't have anywhere else I can go. He works from home, and I have sporadic work through a temping agency so I'm sometimes out of the house, but I don't have the sort of permanent job where I could ask to use a meeting room or anything.

Does anyone have any suggestions what I could do? It's the same therapist as last time and I don't want to change to a different one.

I have the same issue (although I do have a job where meeting rooms are usually available if I need them). Sometimes I’ve had to sit in the car 😔 - not great but it works in a pinch. Is that an option?

What's her reason for not doing any in person therapy any more?
I'm a retired therapist and to be honest it sounds to me like covid has made her a bit lazy and complacent. Therapy works better in the same room, it's not just about what's said but the feelings you process and experience in a session, all of which is more powerful in person.

Could you go and sit in the car, if you have one?

It's really important to feel you can talk freely. Could your H take a break and go out for a walk or to the gym at that time?
I assume he knows it's your therapy session so he could at least not walk around the flat. The car isn't a bad idea.
Failing this, maybe it is time to revisit if this therapist is working for you.
Mine moved away during the pandemic and I carried on, on zoom for ages. But I don't think I would use her again. Being in the room is definitely better. I can say this from both sides because I am a therapist myself and I do online and in person work.

Have you explained your situation to the therapist? She may be able to see you n person?
I have dodgy Wi-Fi so I sometimes had to go outside to get reception- not great when it’s freezing cold!

I’m a therapist and offer on-line and face to face. I think useful work can be done on-line and it’s helpful for clients who don’t want to travel a long way or who live out of area. I try to be sensitive to privacy issues, though. It’s going to impact how much you get out of the sessions if you feel tense about being overheard. A few suggestions: would your DH go for a walk for an hour so you have privacy? Would you feel phone sessions would work if you found a quiet and safe place outdoors to take a call? Talk to the therapist and tell her it’s proving hard to engage on-line and ask if she would reconsider. Colleagues of mine have gone over to on-line working but would accommodate a few clients face to face for whom on-line really doesn’t work.

I would suggest getting a new therapist. Some have never gone back to working face to face but many more will see clients in person.

Not ideal but could you have code words with your therapist, a white board to write central themes or could you ask your partner to watch something with his earphones.

@SpangoDweller @RandomUsernameHere We live in London and don't have a car, we both don't drive.

@Craftycorvid We live in a large block of flats with no garden. There are always people coming in and out, so nowhere private to go.

@heldinadream To be fair, millions of people are working from home now, not just therapists.

And she definitely doesn't do in person appointments any more. I asked originally about this and she said she only has online appointments available. And she's no longer listed on the website of the therapy rooms she used to work at.

@MajesticWhine @Gingerkittykat I totally understand why you're asking, but I really do like her. I originally saw her for four years so she knows all my history and background and how I got from there to here, and I had to search through quite a lot of therapists to find the right one in the first place. She's actually very good, always asks me questions that makes me think about things in a different way to what I was expecting, she's very good at her job. But I know it's not an ideal situation. If I found someone new, I feel like I'd have to spend months getting her up to speed with my life story.

Just bumping this thread for any more ideas.

@Fightingitoff do you have a library near you? The ones I've worked in all had small private rooms you could book for free for studying, interviews, etc although was some time ago - but worth a try?

I never thought of that, thank you. In fact there are two libraries I can think of. I don't know if the rooms would be soundproof but I could have a look into it, thank you for the idea.

Does your husband have an office he can go to / local cafe for an hour.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for full privacy.

I'd ask your husband to leave the house for the hour you are on the call. Mine would to be supportive if I asked. Just negotiate good times that work for you both.

I go out for an hour when my partner has their session as we have exactly the same problem. If it's during the day (rather than after work) then they schedule a session during my lunchbreak. I don't mind at all, I think it's better to not be in so my partner can get the most out of therapy without feeling inhibited and I also don't want to overhear anything tbh!

I was also going to suggest a private room in a library.

(BTW - how do you go about finding a therapist that works well for you?)

@user143677433 Look at the Counselling Directory website, go through and you can search by certain criteria. I spent several hours looking through it all, ended up emailing four of them and had a free ten minute phone call with two of them, then I chose the one I felt the most confident about.

It's a bit extreme, but if you really like her

https://www.peerspace.com/resources/heres-where-to-rent-office-space-by-the-hour-in-london/

Can your husband agree not to go to the toilet or into the hall while your session is on?
Is there a hall door you can close or lock even?
For therapy to really work you need to feel 100% safe and relaxed. That's unlikely to happen in your current situation.

Exactly, I totally agree. There's a few things I want to mention that I don't want to discuss in front of him. I hope I can make it work.

Your current set up is never going to work, so either he goes out, or you do!

My therapist notices my body language and reactions to things, so I’m not sure how online would ever be as effective. She also pauses if there is a client of another therapist going into another room for full privacy.

If it was me I’d find someone face to face.

I used to sit in my car for phone therapy sessions.