Borderline personality disorder in MEN

[Dancingonthemoonlight]

Hello all
I was wondering if any of you live with or know a man with BPD?
I'm wondering if my DP has it. He has a lot of the traits.
I'm looking for advice and tips on how to handle his moodswings and his chronic feelings of wanting to die and the horrible stuff he says.
I'm struggling to know where I stand with him on a daily basis.
For what it's worth I have BPD too but I am aware it shows differently in men and I don't know any male with this diagnosis to gain perspective.
Thanks in advance ☺️

I was in DBT with a man with it. He vanished one day. Turns out he ended up in prison.
Honestly, how you are describing your DP and how he acts does not make for a healthy relationship. He needs to seek and engage in treatment before he considers being with someone. Considering you have BPD too, you and him together are not a healthy pairing. There is no way on this earth I would consider even being a friend with someone with untreated BPD, let alone in a relationship with them.

@XenoBitch I appreciate what you are saying but I'm not going to leave him for potentially having a mental illness. We have a children together it's not as simple as just saying bye. I don't mind being friends with people with mental illnesses because I don't just see an 'illness' I see the person. My DP is mostly very nice towards me, he is struggling with the world around him and feeling like he doesn't want to exist, yes he can be nasty towards me with the things he says about me, and I call him out on that every single time. I'm struggling to know where i stand with him, what I can do to help him, and how I can keep myself in check in the process. I don't give up on people easily. I care too much and I love him too much.

I'm a MH nurse, specialising in PDs. In general, men don't get diagnosed with BPD/EUPD as they tend to express their distress "outwards" rather than "inwards" and so often end up with a diagnosis of Antisocial PD or a conduct disorder instead. The treatment for PDs largely focuses on distress tolerance; the exact one only tends to impact the approach iyswim. Are you/your DP getting any support?

@JennieTheZebra I myself have gone through absolute years of various support with therapy etc and my BPD is mostly kept in check, with the help of medication.
My DP is on an antidepressant but he uses alcohol and THC as a way to numb how he's feeling, he has periods of Time where he is fine and happy and everything feels great, and times where he is withdrawn and dissociated and he gets snappier with me. Tells me he doesn't love me as much and that he doesn't care etc he has walked out on me probably over 60 times in 7 years and I am aware how bad this sounds, it's like he's constantly in fight or flight and when he gets overwhelmed to much he runs away. He's on the waiting list for therapy and we are waiting for relationship therapy as well. When he is in his low moods he doesn't want to do anything, he doesn't want to be conscious etc and so appointments/things that need doing, don't get done/attended. He is very much not like other men who would show the behaviour outwards, he keeps it all inside and punishes himself by going through times of not eating/drinking too much etc i want to help him and support him and gather some tips on how to handle this for my own mental health as it does Impact me, and makes me feel alone and depressed but I don't want to leave him as he is the love of my life and I adore him

My ex was diagnosed BPD. You might not like to hear this as you say you're diagnosed BPD yourself but honestly I'd never touch anyone with the diagnosis or displaying traits ever again. I'm married now to someone wonderful and kind and I cannot believe the shit I used to put up with.

@TisketTasket thank you I appreciate what you are saying but please allow me to say that we aren't all nasty/narcissists/horrible people, if me and you where friends in real life I'd go above and beyond for you, I wouldn't treat you like shit or harm you in any way. I'd give you the shirt off my back if you needed. I appreciate you had a horrible experience though but please don't tarnish us all the same way x

What are the traits of BPD. I once read about it and thought, a lot of this sounds like me…but I’m pretty high functioning.

I am not suggesting you leave him for having a mental illness... but if the symptoms of his MH issues are treating you like shit, then you need to either draw some serious boundaries and insist on treatment, or get out of there.
He might just be saying things for now.. what if it turned physical?
What message is that sending to your children?... that dad can't help being nasty to mum... and they all have to put up with it because he might be ill. I grew up hearing that.. and guess what... that was most likely what gave me BPD too.
You caring too much and loving him too much might be a sign of your own BPD here too.
Sorry, but a couple where both have BPD is a recipe for disaster.