What conversation would you have with your DD about this situation if any?

[Daytripp]

My DD is 20, didn’t go to uni and is earning good money in her first job.

She’s been with her boyfriend for 3 years he is the same age and doing an apprenticeship so currently earning a lot less.

Her boyfriend last year and this year has prioritised booking a holiday with his friends over a holiday with DD. Last year DD paid for them to go on holiday together. This year she really wants to go away together again and is again going to pay the majority / all the holiday costs as he can’t afford 2 holidays.

I’m not sure how I feel about it. I understand DD wants to go away with him and has the money to pay but I also feel he’s chosen a holiday with his friends twice now so why should she pay?

I also think that at that age if you can’t go away with your friends when can you, so I do kind of understand his point of view too.

I’m struggling to articulate my feelings and have said nothing and probably will say nothing as it’s not my place to say anything. I think I’m just concerned about her being taken advantage of.

Yes she is being taken advantage but I don't think you'll get anywhere with saying much. She needs to come to that decision on her own.
If I was her I'd on holiday with my own friends rather than pay to be someone's second choice. It may well be that he just wants to have fun with his mates rather than a couples holiday. That's fine - but he shouldn't say yes to her paying for him.

I would be wondering if he is not as into her as she is into him or he chose his friends again as he knew that your dad would pay again.

I might gently ask her about plans with her friends but your dd needs to come to the realisation that she is being used for a second holiday and that's not a great quality in a boyfriend.

He's not unreasonable to want to go on holiday with his friends but a loving bf might have come up with a cheaper special trip that they could have taken together and encouraged her to holiday with her friends too.

If it was my DD, I would ask her if she is totally comfortable with the fact he is happy to save to pay for a holiday with his mates, but doesn't seem to be keen to do the same for a holiday with her.
I know my DD, and would be able to ask this question, but obviously your DD is a different person, and it may not go down well with her.

I think I could ask my DD how she feels about it but wasn’t sure whether I should mention it or not as although she’s still at home she’s an adult and it’s not really anything to do with me.

I do wonder whether he’s not as into her as she is to him and so picked his friends first or whether he knows she’ll pay for him so they can go together as well.

She’s going on a holiday with her friends as well, she’s earning enough to be able to afford both, even with paying for both her and her boyfriend.

I agree she is being taken advantage of. I also understand how tricky the situation is op. Can you have a chat with her and let her know how you feel , like find the right moment and time to do so too without being too critical of the boyfriend? I would tell her the truth as probably no one else would.

From your post you do seem like a very supportive parent.

She not being taken advantage of

She just also wants to go on holiday with him and is willing to pay for that

He just can't afford it that's all

I'm sure if he was paying for her we wouldn't look at it as being taken advantage of

I understand he doesn’t have enough money for both but I guess as possibly definitely a slightly over protective mother I don’t like the fact he’s prioritised his friends holiday two years in a row and not thought about how he could do something with DD as well.

I think I’ll just ask her how she feels about it and take it from there. If she doesn’t mind at all then I’ll hold my tongue and see how it plays out.