DD feeling down about photos of her on other teens’ social media

[yetanothernickname123]

Just normal pics that she doesn’t like. She’s 13. Hoping for some advice, because she’s upset and I often get a bit paralysed and inarticulate when first processing this type of situation. Worried I will make it worse.

I know that some of you are much better at finding things to say that will reassure and comfort and support.

I haven’t seen the pictures myself yet; I just know she’s been shown them at school and doesn’t like them. The girl who posted them seems a bit troubled. She blows hot and cold but has been aggressive to dd in the past.

I don’t think there’s much we can do about the photos unless it turns out to be actual bullying, in which case that’s another sort of thread.

But what can you say to just help dc cope with the modern reality that it’s not really possible to control what their peers do with standard images, taken at the park or school or wherever, in which they appear?

But there is very little you can do, even if it is bullying.

Yes report to the school but they can’t force people to remove photos from their social media accounts

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Probably the best advice.
Dint try and solve it for her. Listen, let her understand that you know she is feeling (that’s really frustrating/that must hurt/ whatever fits her feelings).
Ask her if she needs help and what sort if help too.

I’d also say
Dint talk about you (I know how feel. I always feel crap about photos of myself). It’s not about you. What makes her uncomfortable might be different than you. And she doesn’t need to think that all adults also feel like that reinforced.

Most of the social media platforms do have an option to report.

Unauthorised photo of a minor reports do usually get removed.

Thanks all, sorry for going quiet (not that it’s exactly MN’s most exciting cliffhanger). To the person who asked what year, she’s S1, we’re Scottish so the first year of high school, not sure if that’s like y8 or 9.

She’s not long home after going to a friend’s house and seems to be feeling better and calling it “drama” in an unexpectedly resilient way (the tears were on the phone earlier and I was braced for the worst).

So I’ve not got many details and am waiting for more to come out in conversation. I haven’t seen the pics and I don’t think they were screenshotted and sent to her, just shown to her on someone else’s phone. Girl who posted isn’t really a friend, but a slightly scary person who crosses paths with dd because they have a friend in common who kind of plays them off against each other. I honestly don’t know if the pics were intended to wind dd up, or just happened to be ones she didn’t like.

Some really good advice though and some interesting variance in opinions about what helps! Not the world’s biggest crisis but even so, it’s something I often find myself thinking about, how to find the right words for teen dc.

I think my parenting instincts can often be a little bit stuck in the ways of their younger years, a bit overprotective. Dd’s older brother has some SEN and needs a lot of support in some ways, so that probably plays a part.

got to go cook!

Indeed, on many platforms, if you reported the account as belonging to somebody underage, then the whole account will get taken down.

There was a trend in our school of the kids all reporting each other’s Tik Tok accounts whenever they fell out with each other.

To be fair to Tik Tok, as soon as they looked at the account and decided the owner of it appeared to be be under 13, they would take down the whole thing. Account owner just gets an email to say “account removed as owner appears under 13.”

This happened to me! I transitioned from a chubby kid into a pretty teen.

Then my “friend” posted old, ugly photos of us together online to hurt my feelings. Captioned it “should have cropped Wednesday out as she’s ruining the pic” or “Me and celebrity-name” (someone unattractive she said I looked like). She made a fake facebook account in my name using the old photos too.

I felt embarrassed of the photos at the time but honestly she was trying to bring my confidence down a notch. I just cut her off. I still had friends & interest from guys so her plan failed.

I’m no longer embarrassed at the photos but I think you have to really psych yourself up about your unflattering angles and even post them yourself to show people you aren’t afraid of it. There’s power in owning it. Plenty of people post unflattering pics of themselves.

Also I literally trained myself on how to take more flattering photos and not be caught slipping etc.

Also the school was involved at the time and made her delete the photos.

They can ask, they can’t however force anyone to remove photos.

Most won’t risk getting multiple detentions for it though.

I can’t quite remember the extent of the school’s involvement as this was 2014. Her parents were called in for a formal meeting and she deleted the photos in the meeting. She initially refused to delete them when I asked. I don’t know what was said that changed her mind.

I would try to teach her not to take it seriously and maybe pop a message on making a jokey comment like, ' OMG what do I look like' etc. This comes from one of the least photogenic people on the planet.

Surely she can ask the other girl to remove the photo?

I don't allow anyone to post pictures of either myself or my family without permission because I find it intrusive. If I see someone has taken a group photo and tagged me, I'll ask them to remove it or blur my out.

If DS (13) doesn't want his photos online, I will support him in asking for them to be removed.