Natural consequences for this?

[Thistledew]

Last night was hair wash night for DS(6). He willingly lay back and wet his hair, but said he didn’t want shampoo. He declined shampoo last week and it showed- his hair was not clean looking even immediately after the wash.

I had tipped some shampoo in my hands already so despite his protests I dumped it on his head, much to his fury. This made him cross and he proceeded to splash me, and then kicked up a fuss about rinsing the soap off, deliberately splashing me again.

My discipline policy has always been natural consequences- but I struggled to work out what this should be in the heat of the moment. I confess that I grabbed the hair washing jug and unceremoniously dumped water over his head until the bubbles were gone. He kept deliberately splashing me so I kept tipping the jug over him until he eventually gave in.

Obviously, this was far from ideal and I want to do better, but in the heat of the moment (and after a very tiring day on my part) I couldn’t figure out a better way to resolve the issue. Any suggestions as to how to handle things better if this or something similar happens again?

The natural consequence of him not complying was having an unpleasant hair wash.

I rarely wash my boys’ hair unless it has something in it tbh as it kind of regulates itself, but we have success with the lie back and pour over situation, which is what you tried. Maybe just more prep/warning? Or let him try and do it himself.

Another natural consequence might have been oh no we took so long / Mummy has had to get changed too that there is no time left for story / play / whatever before bed.

Have you tried swimming goggles?

We normally do a combination of goggles and lying back, but he was refusing to do this because he was cross that I had put shampoo in his hair.

What I’m feeling shitty about is dumping more water over him in reaction to him splashing me. I should have done better, but I’m not sure what.

Have you tried talking to him about why he doesn't want shampoo? Offer him the choice of him doing it or you doing it?

I really wouldn't be thinking in terms of punishments at all tbh. Sounds like it was a distressing experience for both of you and I imagine he'll be even less keen to have his hair washed now, so you may need to start very slowly and build up.

It was the deliberate splashing with water that needed some sort of sanction. I had to change all of my clothes afterwards because he had soaked me through. It’s not that he minds shampoo per se- he will happily use it himself in the shower after swimming, and in fact he was cross that he hadn’t been allowed to do so earlier that evening because his dad wanted him to come straight home and not stand under the shower for 15 mins.

That’s a logical consequence

not natural

Natural consequences happen, well, naturally

So you do nothing. In this particular situation his hair was wet and you were a bit pissed off with him.

Logical consequences would be ‘mummy needs to get changed now so no time for story before bed’

I would and have done the same in the past OP - if they didn't hold their head back and keep still they'd get it in their face! I'd carry on doing what you did, maybe offer goggles as a pp suggested.

You have done nothing wrong here OP. He was being incredibly defiant and badly behaved. Deserves ‘actual consequences’ (toy confiscation, less tv) as well as the natural ones.

Always offer a choice. Would you like some shampoo in your hand to wash it yourself or would you like me to do it. It sounds like things got out of control which isn't nice. Continuing to soak your son is not right and doesn't promote body autonomy. How would you all feel if a Dad had done this to a daughter or a son? Not nice.
Showers and a bit more privacy is the way to go along with choice about who does the washing.

Shave his head to a grade 3. That’s a nature consequence to kicking up a dis about having a hair wash.

Kicking up a fuss.

Jesus wept.

some on here have 0 idea what a natural consequence is, and this is simply concerning advice.

Yeah- Water boarding seems a fair consequence to the situation you described.

If you can’t see that was a joke, the problem is you.

Natural consequence is what you did. Don't feel bad. He was behaving really badly.

I would have made him mop up the water on the bathroom floor too.

He needs to apologise to you.

At 6 your son is too old to be washed by you. If you have a shower, he should get acquainted with it.

If you just have a bath, then he needs to start washing himself in it, including hair.

Sit him down and tell him your bottom line is the hair gets washed, if that's not negotiable. Either he does it or you do. Tell him you're open to different shampoo, goggles, one of those plastic thingies that keep shampoo out of the eyes, etc. But not washing the hair isn't an option.

Did you really do that to a 6 year old? Seems like there's some anxiety about washing his hair/water on his head and the person he's supposed to trust most dumped water over his head again and again?

Seems like you'll be dealing with some natural consequences in the future.

Agreed. I was quite surprised by the way most people seemed to agree that OP's son 'deserved' to be treated so roughly just for not wanting his hair washed.

Had he been swimming or something ?
His dad should gave made him washs hair properly then

Surely the "natural consequence" should have been that his Dad who didn't want his son to wash his own hair at the pool, had to wash his son's hair when they got home.

You should not have been involved in this process at all.

It sounds like your son would have happily washed his hair earlier if his dad had let him, but dad wanted to pass the buck to mum.

He's 6, his hair needed washing. He either lets you wash it the pleasant way or he gets a jug of water tipped over his head by way of a natural consequence.

Arguably OP getting splashed was the natural consequence of ignoring the fact he didn't want shampoo and dumping it on his head anyway? Sounds like he gave you a taste of your own medicine!

I think you need to work through what happened from the point of looking at your own behaviour rather than his! You both behaved terribly, but presumably you're not 6?

The natural consequence of splashing water is that everything is wet and will need to be wiped up. That you needed to get changed and were cross and unhappy about it. That wet clothes needed to be washed/hung up.

I wouldn't worry about the consequences as much as planning how to deal with him expressing a personal preference that you don't agree with in a better way. Talk about it, compromise. Not just dump it on his head'.