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Trying to find myself again - anyone else?

4 replies

FindingMyselfIn2023 · 24/01/2023 11:30

This might be a bit of a long one/brain dump, so thanks to anyone who makes it to the end and replies! It would be nice to know I’m not alone, and to hear any success stories of people who’ve managed to seize back their life.

I feel like I’m stuck in a rut at the moment, and it’s taking its toll on me mentally, and on my relationship.

10 years ago I was driven/motivated/striving to reach various achievements, but since having DC (and subsequently becoming a SAHM) I just feel like I have no get up and go, I’m constantly deflated with myself.

I set myself some goals at the beginning of 2022 to give me something to aim for (which I’ve previously done and loved being able to tick off as I went) but I achieved none of them. Haven’t bothered doing the same this new year as it just seems pointless when I know I have zero motivation to fulfil goals and I’ll just be left even more negative.

I find it so hard to recognise myself compared to who I used to be, and I’m desperate to find some of my old spark. My DP is supportive and happy for me to have the time to achieve goals, but it’s like I don’t have it in me to be ‘selfish’ and take myself away from the family to be able to do things. In contrast, he finds it easier to do this (I’m happy to support him also) so I feel like I’m watching him reach his goals while I do nothing. I’m worried that as time progresses, not only will I recognise myself even less but he won’t recognise me either, and I don’t want us to find ourselves with nothing in common anymore and that we’ve lost each other as time has gone on.

I WANT to do things for myself, and usually have a list of things to do would be enough to get me going. But I’m just so ‘meh’ it feels almost impossible.

OP posts:
Charles11 · 24/01/2023 11:39

How old are your dc?
You need to treat your time as an important appointment. Put that slot in the diary and stick to it.

FindingMyselfIn2023 · 24/01/2023 11:44

@Charles11 DC are 9/5/1, so a mucky mixture of ages!

I agree with what you've said, I definitely need to remind myself that I'm worthy of the time that it takes to do things that make me happy.

OP posts:
FindingMyselfIn2023 · 24/01/2023 16:14

Anyone else struggled and then got their mojo back?

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 24/01/2023 17:14

Yes but no whilst kids weren't at school.

You are doing worthwhile work being a homemaker and mum.

Can you pick a small goal. Read a book you want to, just for you, chapter at a time in the bath, whilst 1 yr old naps. Instead of thinking each and every nap I should be doing something.

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