Frustrated at work and feel like a cow :(

[IroningThrone]

I have a brilliant job as a housekeeper/companion for an elderly (late 70s) lady. It's low stress usually, and the family are genuinely lovely. The last few weeks have been quite frustrating and I feel like a cow for thinking that!

My lady has what I'm 99% sure is a frozen shoulder. She's been having problems with it for a couple of months really but refused to do anything about it until I got fed up of hearing her complain about it and made her a GP appointment. She had an xray on the same day and is waiting for results. She was given both codiene and a gel to use. She is also otherwise fit and healthy.

However, I spent all day today ringing various medical professionals because it's really sore. I literally rang the GP practice twice, 111, a pharmacy and then the GP practice again. And then I had to listen to her complaining that the doctors don't care and that they're rubbish when compared to my GP practice, hers have been amazing!

The thing that's frustrating me is - she's refusing to take the painkillers (codiene) as prescribed (meant to be 2, 4 times a day and she's just taking 2 before bed, and no paracetamol or ibuprofen despite being advised to take those too), she won't try anything like heat or cold, and she won't consider seeing a physio to see if they can help. I feel like I'm trapped in an endless loop where I just can't do anything more to help her and I can't get her to help herself.

I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be more of the same and i genuinely don't know what to do - I'm frustrated because she won't even try anything to help herself and i feel bad because I can see that her shoulder really does hurt!

Any ideas what else I can do?

Thank you!

Is she not following medical advice and still complaining lots, even though following the advice would solve it?
Sadly really not much you can do! Is she usually like this? Sadly some people don't actually want to resolve things as they like to complain!

Presumably because she's sick of hearing about it. No-one likes a martyr.

Codeine is quite strong, if she’s not used to medications, can you make you constipated.

I don’t think there’s much you can do.

I think I'm with her on the codeine. As PP says it does have a knock on (granted most meds do). Plus it can cause dependency.

Sadly not much you can do. Unless you prompt her to say she wants an alternative to codeine.

Must be difficult to manage on a day to day basis for her and you.

Could you explain to her how ibuprofen works? That it will help the tissue?

is the prescription box labelled with her name and how the Gp wants her to take the medication

youll need to respect her decision. If she has been deemed not to have capacity then discuss concerns with gp

My mum can be like this. I say why suffer when you don't need to. I ask her why she hasn't taken her painkillers. It's usually anxiety based. I plop a couple beside her with a glass of water and tell her that feel much better in around 30 minutes.

has she got ibuprofen gel to rub in?

Please stop ringing the GP for her for a start. If she wants to mither them unnecessarily she can do it herself.

I’d have a standard response to repeat as and when required. Something like “the doctors have prescribed medication for your pain, I recommend you take it.” And then disengage and go and do something else. By constantly making suggestions and getting involved by discussing it you are feeding the beast.

Couple of other points. Codeine will likely constipate something in their 70s a treat so prepare for that. She might need some laxatives. Pharmacist will be able to help you with that, don’t bother the GP.

If it is a frozen shoulder an X-ray is unlikely to be of much help with the diagnosis. More likely it will just exclude or confirm arthritis, and joint deformities and the possibility that this might be an osteoporotic fragility fracture.

Because she's spending the whole day complaining about how much it hurts, getting me to ring the GP, complaining about how long it's taking for the xray results to come back and I'm finding it hard work.

Yes. Her GP also wrote it down, including otc painkillers. I get it with the codine but she's not even taking paracetamol or ibuprofen to see if they'll help.

Refer her straight to a physio, they’d be much better placed to help with frozen shoulder. They do steroid injections which work for some. GP and pharmacist useless at dealing with this condition ime.

Also, don’t minimise just how painful a frozen shoulder is, bloody horrendous.

You can't do anything else. Leave it. You've done more than you needed to. Perhaps the lady's family know that she's like she is (refusing to accept medical advice etc) and that's why they haven't got involved. When the lady compains about being in pain, take no notice - she's got painkillers but won't use them. It's impossible to help some people.

Some people actually LIKE having something to complain about. I used to see it all the time when I was a care worker. My own husband has been given an inhaler (I made him the GP appt, took him for a chest x-ray). He's not using it but keeps complaining about his cough. I simply ignore him.

Yes. She says it doesn't help but imo she's not using anything regularly enough to do any good.

She's a lovely lady, really, but I'm getting so frustrated because I'm getting fed up with hearing about it when she has proper pain relief that she won't use!

We used to have good conversations but now all she wants to talk about is her shoulder and I'm struggling with it.

Part and parcel of being a paid carer I’m afraid. As long as you are doing your job that’s all you can do. This is your job so your personal feelings of frustration shouldn’t come into it really.

I'm not. I had one myself in the past and it really is awful which is why I've suggested heat packs and such, but she won't try them. She's also refused to see a physio because she doesn't think they can help.

I think she wants the GP to come out to her house and fix her shoulder but of course that isn't going to happen!