My temper is just simmering under the surface

[Newyearnewme1]

today has been terrible but over the last few months my temper is never far away from the surface. I’ve had a dreadful nights sleep. I have nearly 4 year old twins, both who have a stinking cold so are coughing allllll night long.

I’ll ask DH to give them some medicine and he’ll say yeah I’ll just finish the chapter of my book first - oh my god that makes me rage!!!! Just writing that makes me angry.

I’m so sick of asking DT’s to do things 10 times before they actually do it, and I always end up shouting which I hate. Even the dog is pissing me off today. Took him for a long walk this morning once I’d dropped the kids off at school, as soon as I stay still for 5 seconds he’s pawing at me. I love having a cuddle with him but I can’t do it all day friggin long.

I walk in to every room and it’s untidy, despite me tidying it up recently.

im just so tired and need a break

anyone else feel like this?

This is mental load and DH. He needs to take responsibility for thinking about planning and doing these things: and not putting it back on to you. There are some great videos on tiktok.

Under anger is always grief. What night you be grieving? Your old life? I have no idea but it might be worth you spending some time thinking about.

Utter nonsense, anger is a perfectly justifiable response to feeling put upon day after day, to someone taking you for granted and not considering your needs. I hate this idea that anger is always about something else or that if a woman is angry she must have mental health issues, be menopausal etc etc. Sometimes anger is a healthy response to a given situation - it needs to be listened to and acted upon not rationalised away.

Mini victory tonight. We have a flat we rent (we’re not property magnets, it was DH flat before we moved in together) we could do with selling as we need quite a lot of maintenance work done on our house. He’s been asking me for weeks what we’re doing about it but I keep deflecting as I really don’t want to have to deal with it on top of everything else.

A few weeks ago I told him to call the agents to have a discussion about market value and what the chances of us selling it quickly are. Of course he hasn’t, just keeps asking me what we’re doing about it. So tonight I just told him that this is his thing to sort out, obviously discuss any major decisions but I know he’s waiting for me to do it - he admitted he was because apparently I’m so much better at this kind of thing - yep along with every other bloody thing.

so we shall see what happens, but the job is firmly his now, let’s see if he steps up