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How to look past this childish gossiping?

9 replies

Wormsandstepladders · 23/01/2023 20:00

I work in a team of 6 and since I started in autumn they have slowly began withdrawing any communication towards
me. I was shy at first but I made an effort to get to know each lady and with 15 years experience in the job I thought I’d be welcomed as the missing hands they needed. Since Christmas I have been the centre of the gossip.
It’s never in front of me but it’s very obvious as they will go to the office and look at me through the window as they speak. Then they loudly talk about a fake conversation as they leave. No one makes eye contact with me and I’m blanked by 1 woman in particular who seems to hate me intensely and will not equally work in pairs with me. They all group together at lunch to talk about their families or tv shows while pretending I’m not even there. They will skip me to make eye contact with the ladies either side of me to make it clear I’m not welcome in their conversation. I usually eat my lunch outside alone or in the store cupboard (as it has a comfortable chair).
They all help each other by doing thoughtful things to make their jobs easier but they have never done this with me and act like I don’t exist.
On the rare occasion someone asks me something I will engage in conversation and be friendly. It’s almost like I have to wait for permission to speak though. It’s a very toxic team, of which my manager is also part of and seems to hate me a lot. She has caused issues by twisting things that have been said to make me look stupid and a liar. I was shouted at for not working hard enough and giving more jobs to do despite having more experience and understanding of the job than even she does. I have cried on many occasions when I have been pulled up over minor things that others have done and got away with unfairly. A co worker was paid for a day off to go shopping but I was refused to be paid when my car broke down and I couldn’t get in that day despite willingly wanting to use annual leave.
im not sure what it is that I have done but they clearly don’t like me. I’m not rude I don’t brag I’m just me a laid back mum who speaks to anyone who is kind to me. I don’t want to drag it out by reporting them as HR are good friends with some of these ladies and will not act on anything I say. I’m very isolated with nobody to talk to and it makes the day slow and harder.
someone else within the company said it’s common for the ‘new lady’ to be targeted as the focal point of bitchiness. I’m not sure why though as they were all the new lady at one point! I have heard them gossip about each other so they clearly aren’t nice women in general. It’s turned into a huge rant but I could do with some advice about how I can carry on without letting it get to me. They talk about how bullying is wrong and mentally damaging and yet that’s how I feel I’m being treated.
I’ve just started a training programme for a side job so I’m seriously considering leaving although I can’t afford to until I’m fully trained and have clients.
If you made it this far any comments will be appreciated it’s not as simple for me to just ignore it as I was treated like this in my childhood so it’s very triggering for me so any words of encouragement would be great

OP posts:
AutisticLegoLover · 23/01/2023 20:11

I'm so sorry you are being treated like this, it's appalling. I don't have any suggestions just solidarity and I had this too and I don't think I could work with a group now. I hope your training goes well and that you can get away from them asapFlowers

Bookridden · 23/01/2023 20:16

What an incredibly nasty bunch of people. It sounds as if you are planning a way out, and certainly removing yourself from such a toxic environment sounds like a good idea. Hopefully karma will come to bite them in the ass... hard. In the meantime, look after yourself and try to protect your self esteem as much as possible. Good luck OP.

Wormsandstepladders · 23/01/2023 20:18

Thank you. It’s my first job in a team for 5 years as I worked from home while my children were young. I now bitterly regret it. They misled me during the interview that it was a lovely team but how foolish I was. I feel like a child on a playground waiting for a teacher to tell me off every day, it’s humiliating and I wish there was more protection against this.

OP posts:
SpentDandelion · 23/01/2023 20:18

It's mostly insecurity and jealously that causes other women to talk about you. You are perceived as a threat.
I had a problem with certain type of women not liking me when l was younger, one of them told me later on it was because of the way l looked.
Best thing to do is rise above it, stay cheerful and polite, and silently count down the days until you can leave. Goodluck.

MichelleScarn · 23/01/2023 20:18

This sounds insane!! Your colleague was paid to take a day off to go shopping??
Do mean a days paid annual leave?

Wormsandstepladders · 23/01/2023 20:26

That is a good point Dandelion I guess there is something that makes them feel that way about me. I’m very down to earth though and tried my best to form a bond with all these women. I am the youngest so perhaps this could be a reason? I have given up trying to be nice and just get on with my jobs quietly now, it’s a very awkward atmosphere but I refuse to waste time on people who think this is acceptable.

Michelle it wasn’t marked as an absence and she was still paid by our manager. She has always maintained she’d pay anyone who has time off as she wants to be a helpful manager, that skips me though as she’s never paid me. She even took 10 minutes pay from me when I needed to leave early for a hospital emergency. I’d finished my jobs and everyone was talking about the masked singer so it didn’t affect anyone by me leaving 10 minutes early. I knew if I questioned it I would be given a very hard time so I forgot about it as unfair as it was, the different in how she treats me vs them is very obvious. I’m guessing they’re taking her lead in all of this.

OP posts:
Bleachmycloths · 04/02/2023 23:45

Why don’t you contact ACAS?

LondonQueen · 05/02/2023 00:03

Are you older than them? If so it's a perfect example of age discrimination.

growinggreyer · 05/02/2023 00:12

Sign up with an agency and then just leave them behind. You will never see or speak to them again, once you have left so don't put that day off.

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