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Original poster

Is 8pm too early

23 replies

Lovelydayxo · 22/01/2023 20:43

For an 8 year old to go to bed?

we take DS up around 7:45 quick wash chat and into bed for 8pm.
we do have to sit with him until he fall asleep, recently he has started waking up as we’re leaving the room becoming quite upset and saying he can’t sleep on his own etc needs to come into our bed etc.

he wakes in the night for the toilet and then comes into our bed and we’re both in a deep sleep not to hear him come in etc.

I know this needs to stop I just want him to be able to atleast be able to fall asleep on his own, our 2 yr old DS wakes in the night and I bring him in our bed for ease.

im not looking to be slated as I know it’s not ideal but we all get a full sleep and it’s just easier but I feel now it’s biting me on the arse ha!

OP posts:

DinDjarin · 22/01/2023 21:14

No, my DC were definitely going to bed at 730-8 when the youngest was 8. Youngest is now 10 and we shifted her bed time to 830 in September.

LucyWhipple · 22/01/2023 21:24

8pm sounds perfect. I wouldn’t go any later. Possibly start going up a bit earlier to build more wind down time into the routine. Also think about screen time and how long he is having without screens before bed (aim for at least an hour).

New horizon holistic centre have a whole load of brilliant kids relaxations (on YouTube / Spotify etc etc) - maybe try him listening to one of those while you leave the room to see if that helps him get to sleep on his own?

He’s old enough for you to talk to about bedtimes and everybody’s wants & needs around how it works - getting him involved in coming up with a plan may help?

Summerishere123 · 22/01/2023 21:25

The time is fine. My 7 year old goes to bed around 7.30pm
He should definitely be able to get himself off to sleep at that age too. My DS has ADHD and struggles with sleeping. We bought him an Alexa for playing podcasts and it helps so much.

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cleanitup · 22/01/2023 21:30

It depends when he has to get up and how much sleep he needs, it's so individual.

By age 8 I had stopped trying to get DD to bed anytime before we went up at midnight. She is autistic and struggles with sleep. She didn't have to be up early though so going to bed at midnight worked well for her. Now she is in her teens she still goes at midnight but will often not get to sleep for a couple of hours.

KangarooKenny · 22/01/2023 21:32

Mine went at 8pm.

Angelik · 22/01/2023 21:35

It's a phase you'll have to coach through. I think it's an age when they can start "thinking" and little minds can go into overdrive. Perhaps allow him to read and have a nightlight so he doesn't feel so alone in the dark.

evemillbank · 22/01/2023 21:38

It all depends what time they have to get up!

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 22/01/2023 21:50

I really think it depend on the child. My ds never went to sleep before11. Even though he was in bed, by 9.
Even as a toddler, never slept before 9. Or had any sleep during the day.
Is he somewhat gifted? Or have ASD/ADHD tendencies?
I say it because if it falls into that categories, no point in trying to fit them into the norm and put him to sleep early.
One thing that makes the big difference is how they get up. Mine didn't need to go to bed early, but got up early without any problem.

mycatsanutter · 22/01/2023 21:51

Maybe try him going to bed a bit later see if that makes a difference. Maybe a bit of reading by himself before lights out to make him extra sleepy

WaddleAway · 22/01/2023 21:52

My 9 year old goes at 8. And doesn’t wake up until 7.30am! All kids have different sleep needs. My 7 year old also sleeps 8-7ish, but my autistic 4 year old is never asleep before 9, is up multiple times in the night and starts his day by 6am at the latest.

Sucessinthenewyear · 22/01/2023 21:55

What have you done to help him be comfortable with and learn how to how to sleep on his own?

Original poster

Lovelydayxo · 22/01/2023 22:06

Thanks for the messages, he’s not autistic or add/adhd, I think it’s because we’ve always sat with him till he’s fallen asleep and like it seems now he’s 8 he thinks about stuff more.

he tends to read before bed but definitely going to clamp down on screen time before and getting him a night light and trying to work on him being ok to fall asleep on his own.

he wakes between 7/7:30 depending on if I’m at work or not, he wakes fine and only the odd morning is he a little grumpy!

he does sports two nights a week and we have no problem then he’s asleep within 10 mins of being in bed

OP posts:

larchforest · 22/01/2023 22:07

Why does he need you to stay with him until he falls asleep - is this a recent thing or something that you have always had to do?

Flameshame · 22/01/2023 22:08

My almost 8 Yr old goes about 8:30-9 and sleeps till 7:30-8. Children at this age need between 9-11 hrs sleep

Mariposista · 22/01/2023 22:21

Neither should be in your bed unless very upset or unwell. 8pm is fine. Teeth, story, hug and kiss and goodnight. No faffing about.

MrsMikeDrop · 22/01/2023 22:23

Can he read with a lamp, then turn it off? This was he's doing his own wind down. You could read book together, then he could read one himself

MsJuniper · 22/01/2023 22:55

My 10yo goes to bed at 8ish and can read until 8.30 but often turns his light out earlier as he's tired by then.

My younger daughter has a Yoto player which she finds very relaxing and easy to fall asleep to.

elevenplusdilemma · 22/01/2023 23:15

Not at all. My 11 year old goes to bed at 8:30 on a school night and my 13 year old goes at 9:00.

NerdyBird · 22/01/2023 23:32

8 yo DD gets to sleep about 9pm. I usually sit with her till she is asleep. She doesn't like to be on her own. She gets up around 7 or 7.30 depending on the day and is mildly grumpy. She could do with more sleep but fights it so much.
8 pm sounds fine to me!

katepilar · 22/01/2023 23:47

I think you should focuse more on why is he not falling asleep easily and keeps wanting company at night rather than the actual bedtime.

Thistlelass · 23/01/2023 00:22

Mariposista · 22/01/2023 22:21

Neither should be in your bed unless very upset or unwell. 8pm is fine. Teeth, story, hug and kiss and goodnight. No faffing about.

'Should' is such a judgemental word. Each family just does the best they can manage.

Marblessolveeverything · 23/01/2023 00:26

My 9 year old has gone to bed at 9 since he was 8. Sleeps till 7 and bounces around. They all vary a bit. I would think it is a little unusual to need a parent stay with them.

I don't wait until mine sleeps just pop in for hug after he has showered teeth and read, switch light off and see him at breakfast.

I know children differ but I would think 8 would reasonably able to stay in bed unless there is something underlying - anxiety?

StrawberryMuffins · 23/01/2023 00:28

Certainly not too early. I was a boarder and lights out was 8.30 for Y7s.

It's good it only takes 10 mins to settle him though. You're going to have a tough job ejecting him from your bed as long as the little one gets to stay, but if you haven't even tried a nightlight, ceiling stickers etc to make his bedroom less scary in the dark you have a few avenues you can try.

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