In my child regressing? Devastated!

[Rollercoaster12]

Hello, I'm just writing here as I'd like to hear other parent's experiences.

My DD (5) in Reception started school on a high. She taught herself to write and read simple words before starting school. I never pushed her with it and to be fair she wouldn't have let me teach her anything as she likes doing things on her own terms. Her nurseries (private and then state) gave me very positive reports about her and said she'll do amazing whereever she goes.

She started school and for a few weeks she seems to be doing well, started reading (blending) and reached (just about) level 2 books (Big Cat Phonics if that makes sense), still bleding and segmenting though. Now, for the last month or so the reading has become a real struggle. She absolutely hates it, she can't recognise a word even after reading it 10 times and she screams and melt downs at the thought of doing any reading practice.

All her friends who in the summer couldn't even write their names have caught up and some are better readers. She loves writing but that is only on her own terms, she only does it when she is in the mood. She can write simple sentences (I got a cat, I went to the park.....kind of thing)

At school she is very quiet (she is a very lively, confident girl otherwise), doesn't put her hand up and is 'away with the fairies' at lot. I volunteer with the school and can see it myself. The teacher is not concerned as she is very well behaved and quiet. But I feel she is 'disappearing' among all the school noise and shouty, confident children. I have had other 'red flags' in the last few months and I just don't know what is going on with her.

She's got a strong genetic link to dyslexia from her father's side and I have a strong suspicion this is causing her some distress. But then how can she write so well?

English is not my first language and the UK education system is completely alien to me. We are considering a private school and are lucky to be able to afford it (just about).

I should mention her behaviour has changed too, from a sweet, kind girl she's turned into this little monster who hits us and spits at us whenever she doesn't get her way. She only does it with us though. Every day is a struggle.

Can anyone relate? I'm so consumed by it and don't know what to do.

Thank you for all your advice. I was losing my sanity before posting here.

@Seaside1972 I did think of ADHD but then most of the symptoms do not apply to her. However, bed time has always been frustrating. No matter how tired she is she finds it hard to fall asleep. We have a much earlier bed time routine now and read calming books which seems to help lately. Plus she is generally not shy at all and latches onto other adults especially in playgrounds, which I heard can be a sign of ADHD.

We are considering a wonderful girls prep school and she had a trial day. It's quite selective though and I haven't heard back from them yet. However, she absolutely loved it there. I have never seen her so happy coming from school. They have almost no behavioural problems and the class sizes are small. The teachers are gentle and smiley and I do feel an environment like that could definitely benefit her. Plus they have early intervention schemes if they spot any SEN. Of course that will come at a considerable cost.

She sounds exhausted.

My dd1 was in a similar situation in Y1. She went from loving reading and writing to hating them. Her behaviour at school remained excellent, but at home anything remotely academic or school-related resulted in tantrums. Her lovely teacher told me to forget all about academic work at home, but to focus on all the pre-academic activities, because looking forward to mum and dad reading to you, and wanting to know what happens next, was the biggest thing to help dd get past this block. So we did that.

Dd is now studying English Literature at university. She has also asked us to support a private adult autism assessment for her.

Oh bless her 🧡. Thank you for your message. So peased to hear she's done so well.

I meant pleased ...

Thank you for your advice.

I did think of home schooling but that would be a nightmare for us tbh. She is very social and wants to be out, she likes being surrounded by people even when she's 'away with the fairies', so keeping her home would damage her even more.

I'd get her eyesight tested , and meanwhile ask the teacher to make sure she sits at the front of the class. Free eye test can be arranged at any opticians.

If she's struggling to read a board, or very small print, that might be the reason.

A forest school stay and play offers lots of opportunities to play with children of mixed age. There's usually 4 or 5 private companies and they run most week days, just for less hours than the school day.
Home-ed doesn't need to be at home all day though doing things most days at home for an hour is pretty common in all families (board games, reading, playing in the garden) and all can be used to support learning and play within the home.

Then afternoon school opportunities such as uniformed organisations, sports etc in addition will mean she'll have the opportunity to interact with children most days if you choose.

She just needs some time to be supported with what is going on right now. She has a life time to spend sitting pinned to a chair in the class room.

Thank you, sitting at the front sounds like a great idea. She does tell me a lot of kids shout at the phonics actovity and 'it breaks her ears'. I think she has some sensory issues around noise.

Thank you for your advice. I'm glad to hear there is hope. At the moment I'm just constantly worrying and feeling like the child I used to know not long ago is slowly disappearing and I've no idea what to do.

Sorry for mistyping so many words...only realised now that I mistyped even the title 🙄

I wouldn't rush into making any decisions off the back of what's happening now. It's still very early days and she's adjusting to school and this new way of learning. Relax a bit and give it time.

I think you're putting an awful lot of pressure on her. It's really not a race. I've never got involved with the kids school stuff, I just get them to do their reading/homework and that is it. Some of them are top, some bottom, it doesn't matter.

It sounds like she has a good memory and learned to read and write words as ‘sight words’ early on but hasn’t mastered the phonics skills of blending and segmenting. Talk to her teacher about this. Does the programme they use focus on skills or are they mainly assessing which sounds children can identify on flashcards? Are the books truly decodable or do they include sounds spelling correspondences that haven’t been taught yet? Not all phonics schemes are equal.

It’s probably worth getting a private assessment done to see if dyslexia, ADHD, ASD, something else, or any combination of these. Then you know what you are dealing with.

My DCs were a bit like yours in the learning on their own terms aspect and flourishing when they can work independently and at their own pace and with a bit of control. So, we sent them to a Montessori primary school. It was a fantastic school and by secondary, they were ahead of their peers and all without it being a hot house, high pressure environment.

I would also be pursuing assessments for ASD and ADHD etc. They present so differently in girls and they can often mask very well and fall apart in the evening.

@LittleMousewithcloggson Bless her. How is she doing now? Did she struggle socially?

I thought my DD actually liked structure, but maybe the school is a bit too much.

She's still very little. Focus on fun and learning rather than learning for learning sake, and be consistent re bad behaviour. School can be overwhelming for some, especially if there's challenging behaviour in the classroom.

Sounds like you are putting too much pressure on her. My youngest started school in September, flew through the first set of phonics and was doing well. Now the novelty has worn off and she hates reading at home. I'm not pushing anything because it will click eventually, just like it did for my older 2. They get exhausted at school at this age anyway and it causes meltdowns etc. Its all normal.

Could be ADHD (away with the fairies, emotional dysregulation) or ASD (emotional dysregulaton, hyperlexia alongside lack of skill retention). Could also be anxiety, especially if she is shy and finding the classroom overwhelming, or an issue with her auditory or visual processing. It's really hard to tell what's going on with little ones, but waiting 6 weeks with no response for the SENCO isn't good enough, you need to push to speak to them and explain that your child's behaviour has become very different and they are really struggling with school (it's common for this to come out at home, especially is she is masking in school).

My DD's behaviour has become hideous over the last few weeks and I think school is really knackering her out. She is one of those who couldn't read at all (she only turned 4 a couple of days before school started) but she's Sucre my picked it up, she enjoys reading but as soon as she finds it hard, she reverts to wanting nothing to do with it.

I don't think is regression. I think it is an age thing combined being at school.

I would be appalled at the spitting.