On paper does it look like I'm on the spectrum? ADHD?

[ADHMe]

Am in my late 30s and this is my life...

1 friend, can't deal with socialising. Is mostly a texting friendship but we do meet up occasionally.

Dread meeting people, highly antisocial. Can go weeks without leaving the house.

Won't go anywhere alone, I always assumed it was due to anxiety (am diagnosed anxious and depressed, been on meds 15 years)

House is either a mess or immaculate (for a few days) ai get mad cleaning spree bursts and scrub everything then can't keep ontop of a maintainance routine and it all builds up again.

Always piles of clothes everywhere. Scattered things. Unorganised.

But countless notebooks to 'get organised'. Make plans. Make lists. Plan things online. But never do it.

Can't handle money. Spend terribly. Will get a 'hobby' spend so much on getting every tool, accessory for hobby then give up cause I can't do it or I get bored.

I get into something and it becomes my whole personality until I get bored and dump it.

Very nervous around people.

My internal dialogue never stops, I randomly say things that are in my head. My head feels so bloody busy. Especially at bedtime when there's no external stimulus to distract me.

HATE having people in my house. Hate it. Makes me so so so nervous/on edge.

I rub my legs all the time when anxious. I tap my fingers together and 'write' on my thumb with my forefinger. Usually 1,2,3,4,5 over and over again.

When I'm completely overwhelmed I have hit myself in the face. I don't know why.

I talk to myself in my head all the time.

Daydream constantly and pretend I'm doing shows for people in my head whilst I'm tidying etc.

I'm sure there's more but this is what is on the top of my head.

I feel like my diagnosis of just anxiety is wrong. Surely after 15 years it would have let up a bit?

I feel like I want to try ADHD medication.

Is this enough to go Dr's with.

Tidya for example I need to do the bathroom and kitchen.

I was taken to the shops this morning so because I knew that needed doing I spent £20 on cleaning stuff.

Came home. Made a list of everything I needed to do and have been overwhelmed again so haven't done it.

I can't do anything without music on. Specifically headphones and I listen to the same music over and over.
Very rarely try anything new.

I related to a lot of what you have said, I have adhd and autism. The best thing to do would be to approach your gp and explain it all, in lots of areas though the waitlist for referal as an adult is years long and I think I've read in some they don't do adult referrals?

Also have a massive fear of supermarkets. Its the most overwhelming thing in my life. I've cried in shops before. I feel like I just wnat to start screaming.

Yes, and private diagnosis I just can't afford.

Can you not get ADHD meds without the formal diagnosis?

Sounds like adhd and autism

Could be a bit of both. A lot of it is similar to how I feel. I think NHS waiting lists for adult neurodivergences are pretty long so I've never considered going to GP.
Do your symptoms go back to childhood as that is probably one of the first things they'll ask.

You will need the diagnosis for the adhd medicine options.
Not to be a downer on them, as they work amazingly for some people and are legit life changing, my dh included for helping them focus/organised. But they won't solve some of the issues listed and sometimes they don't work for people (like me!)

Yes, 100%

I remember doing the 'drawing on my thumb' thing in primary school. And the anxiety around certain things like the part in church where you have to shake strangers hands. talking myself down, making routines to comfort myself.

I always just thought it was anxiety until I read more about women on the spectrum.

I'm diagnosed with a dissociative disorder (DDNOS), and I experience some of these symptoms. The ones that particularly fit with a dissociative disorder are:

"My internal dialogue never stops, I randomly say things that are in my head. My head feels so bloody busy. Especially at bedtime when there's no external stimulus to distract me."

"I talk to myself in my head all the time"

Anxiety symptoms.

Struggling to follow through on plans/ executive function issues.

It's worth looking into if you think it might fit for you. It took me a very long time to get diagnosed due to poor information and stigma, but it responds very well to treatment once you actually know what it is.

Let me know if you want any links to more information.

@harbaughskhakis I know they aren't miracle pills but I feel like I've been taking the wrong medication for 15 years.

My pills aren't working and they'll just try to swap me to yet another antidepressant.

This is EXACTLY how I feel. Although ADs do help me to feel more stable, I have never actually felt depressed - the GP knows this. It's a feeling I find difficult to explain to people. It's as if I'm a kite flying in the wind with nothing to pin me down. The ADs help me to reel me in a bit.

Sounds like me.

I'm just tired. I just say all the time I just want to be a normal, functioning human who can cope with life :(

Have you had a diagnosis or looking into it?

Yeah, the Ads do help. I'm much worse without them but it doesn't feel right.

Sounds exactly like me and i just got diagnosed with adhd.