I get very stressed whenever something goes wrong in the house - give me some perspective please

[Notcontent]

I am a bit of a worrier in general, but one key area is to do with my house. I guess it’s partly to do with the fact that I am a lone parent so everything is down to me so sort out.
But whenever something goes wrong in the house - e.g. problem with the boiler or similar - I get so stressed about it. At the moment, I have noticed a damp patch on a wall in the living room - think it’s to do with a gutter or maybe a central heating pipe. I need to get someone to look at it but in the meantime I am obsessing about it even though it’s not causing an immediate problem.

I hope someone will come along with useful advice as to how to deal with this but don't feel bad about it. For me I feel like I have the house version of hypochondria. See a damp patch and the thoughts of what could be behind it and what need doing to fix and prevent future ones just spiral. Luckily I have a DH at home who balances me out a bit. Doesn't help that we know nothing about any of this stuff and have had a few awful cowboy tradespeople.

I used to be the same and also about the car. It was because, like you say, I had to sort it and I didn't have the money and I was always getting messed about by tradespeople.

Same. I'm a lone parent too. I found a damp patch in the corner of DD's ceiling this week. Two lights need replacing. And I think there's a rainwater leak in my car. I could cry.

No help I'm afraid, just solidarity. I'm also a lone parent, am absolutely crap at DIY and don't have anyone to call on really.
I hate it because it is so difficult to find someone to even come and look at jobs!
I thought I could hear dripping in the attic recently and it made me feel almost sick. I realise this makes me sound pathetic, and I do cope generally, but any issue with the house and I start to catastrophise🙄

Hi OP

I'm a single parent too and I understand. I used to be really daunted by this kind of thing but as the years have gone by, I don't really get that any more. I have build up a list of reliable, friendly tradesmen that I can call on. Is that an option for you? I have also fixed some things myself from you tube tutorials. Get the right one and (minor) jobs can be surprisingly easy to follow.

My main dread when these things go wrong however is 'how much is this going to cost' ? So when anything goes wrong that's my first fear. Is this an issue for you too or is it more the dread of the thing going wrong itself?

Op same!
I haven't a DH but it's me who has to sort everything.

No advice because I am exactly the same. It's knowing who to call - every time I find a great tradesman they emigrate, and nobody in my family is any good at fixing stuff (including me).

Following as I have exactly this including a current damp patch that's terrifying me.

So it’s not just me… I agree that it’s similar to health anxiety.

It’s always something and finding a good tradesperson is so difficult.

I'm the same, about my car too. Mainly because things are tight and I panic how I'm going to afford it.

I’m a bit like this, one thing that has helped is finding a really good local handyman - he’s fabulous, will have a look and if it’s something simple he’ll fix it and if it’s too big for him he’ll tell me. So small jobs that I can’t do don’t feel overwhelming.

I feel the same and for me, it's not even about cost. It's the difficultly and stress of trying to find someone to do the work and the fact that I have no idea if what they're telling me is correct.

I try to console myself by saying everyone else seems to manage so it can't be that hard!

And yes, I do need to find a good local builder who does not mind sorting out small things.

I'm the same, I have a partner who is pretty good at most things, its my house though and I worry about things, can't sleep etc. And seems to be getting worse as I get older! The only way I try and look at it is that its solvable with the right contractor, I try and use people who my neighbours or friends have used.

I'm like this too, though I do have a history of anxiety anyway. I often "catastrophise" and imagine ceilings collapsing or the boiler exploding etc, even when I know there's no rational basis and the problem is likely much less serious. I'm also in a flat so sometimes have to rely on the freeholder depending what the problem is, and that adds another level of uncertainty and expense, though usually it's the fact that they often don't get work done properly, rather than the cost, that worries me most.
You have my sympathy. It's horrible to feel like that about your own home.

I’m a lone parent and I feel exactly like this

Same. Solidarity again from another solo parent x

Oh gosh sorry that was a bit nethuns to add the x.
I will take a 5 min time out 😀

Solidarity - although, just for a change, I'm a single person who isn't a parent. I think having no-one to share the admin/mental load with really makes these problems feel worse than they are. You have to work out what the solution might be, find the person who can sort it out, chase them to come, work out if you believe their solution, etc etc. Sometimes that stops me dealing with things that are actually quite simple to resolve: I had a blocked sink for a couple of months, but once I actually found a plumber, he turned up really quickly and sorted it in about 1/2 hour!

I'm the same and i'm not a lone parent, recently had a burst pipe in the garage and even though shut the water off i was still panicking about the repair and also panicking that the stopckock might seize being closed so tight. Panicked when in the last freeze the loft got condensation from the heating being on, was worried about mold and rot :-( hate feeling like that. Hope you get sorted.

I think a lot of is about not being able to chat things over with someone to get other perspectives. Two heads will have (mostly!) more ideas and approaches than one. With one person there is no one to challenge thoughts and ideas.

Anxiety is not good. Always consider : What's the worst that can happen. You get it eventually fixed and the damp patch then dries out.

@Oblomov22 that is good advice and I do try doing that.

But in general yes, the main issue is knowing that everything is down to me. I think I have lone parent fatigue syndrome after many years of being alone… (I do appreciate that this is not a problem just for lone parents - there are many people who are single or with useless partners who feel the same way…)

I'm exactly the same @Notcontent I sometimes wish I was renting so I could just ring my landlord and they could sort everything out.
I wish I was more resilient. It doesn't help that it's not that easy to find reliable and trustworthy workmen.

It’s also partly not being educated in things like plumbing and car stuff, for me. I would see a damp patch and immediately think “omg the whole ceiling is going to collapse, this is going to cost me thousands, we’ll need to vacate the house” etc etc etc. In reality, 99/100, it’s a slow drip drip from a tiny crack, that needs a couple of floorboards lifted, the pipe to be patched, floorboard put back and all done in three hours for 500 quid.

But the panic is still there!