I just want to hide from my family. Any advice?

[HadEnoughNoise]

I'm peri-menopausal and filled with the rage and anxiety that goes along with that. In addition I have diagnosed ADHD and it's likely I may have ASD as well.

I have become very sensitive to sounds (I can't remember the name of this actual condition) and I can become overwhelmed quite quickly, but this happens mainly at home around my family who quite honestly I want to run away from half the time.

My children drive me absolutely crazy with their constant bickering and whining. My son (most likely ADHD & ASD as well) shrieks and yells, talks very quickly and about silly things, and makes the most annoying repetitive sounds like sirens or music beats or repeats songs lyrics and sayings constantly. To make matters even worse he can't sit still half the time so is always running and jumping on the sofa, flopping on the floor, etc while making his sounds. I want to strangle him! (Obviously not really).

When I see my husband for the first time in the late afternoon / evening after I've returned home from work or he's been working (he WFH) and dealing with the children after school he bombards me with whinging about how busy and stressful his day has been. It's literally the second I walk in the door or come down to see him. He'll spew out constant chatter a mile a minute barely stopping to breathe, letting me know every single thing he's done. "Oh I've had such a busy day, took X to school, came home dealt with A, B and C, went to L, had a phone call from M, N, O, P and picked H up from school and they threw a tantrum the whole way home, came home and unloaded the dishwasher, got their snack ready, ... it can go on and on. I don't even get a moment to breathe and I find it so overwhelming how he rattles on a mile a minute about what I would consider every day things any normal parent / adult has to deal with. Don't get me wrong, I'm very appreciative of all that he does. But I don't need a play by play of everything that's happened the second I see him. I feel like his information is suffocating me. If I even try to say "yes I've had a busy day doing A, B, C, D, E, F, G" he'll dismiss it and say that I've not had as busy a day as him or down play what I deal with insinuating it's less important and less stressful than what he's done. I never even bother to tell him anything like that about my day. I just leave that stress at work and don't want to think about it when I'm home.

To make things worse my husband does not understand my struggles. He gets moody and rude when I ask him to just let me have 5 mins to breathe before he bombards me with his info or complaining. I've purchased ear plugs to wear during car journeys to dull the noise of the children bickering and making their usual noises, but I'm met with evil glares from him and rude comments putting me down in front of the children like "why don't you like us, why are you so angry, why do you want to live in your own world, etc" and evil side eyes and disapproving glares. There's not an ounce of sympathy that the noise and commotion of the children and everything at home literally fill me with anxiety and / or rage.

I just want to run away and hide half the time. And sometimes I do! I just have to leave and go sit in the toilet for 15 mins to get some breathing space so I can come back out and face the chaos again.

I'm not sure what the point of this post was really. Just looking for some tips / advice and to know if anyone else feels the same way?

Just a bump out of self pity and hoping someone might have a suggestion as to how I can cope with my children's. Every single day I want to break down and cry having to try and deal with my sons noises.

Does anyone have any tips / hints to cope with an ASD / ADHD child that does this?

i'm sorry, that sounds very tough.

do you have any time during your commute that you can use to get 5-10 mins peace? And yes, taking that 15 mins in the toilet might be a life-saver. Give yourself that time.

Are there any activities that help your son calm down? sometimes doing something together, (e.g. a board game or singing a gentle song or even kneading playdough) might help him regulate his bounciness and then make things easier for you.

I sit in the car for 10 minutes in my own driveway sometimes. I’m peri too and I love the peace of those 10 minutes. I also do morning meditation some mornings if I get to work early enough.

That sounds tough. Have you considered HRT? It reduced my stress/anxiety levels significantly

I can feel and understand everything you say.

I was peri like this about 7 years ago. I’ve always been an introvert, but it felt like my ability to tolerate noise and ‘busyness’ hit an all time low.

The menopause can really change you. It changes your body, it changes your brain and it changes your physiology . I can no longer drink alcohol, and because my introvert self doesn’t like crowds, I don’t want to socialise much any more. I am now a happy hermit, who is divorcing.

All I can suggest is really educate your self about the menopause. Some women get through it easy, some don’t.

Then when you’ve done that, educate your husband. He really needs to understand how profound some of these changes will be for you.

Best of luck. I think the word is misophonia.

Thank you for the replies.

He's nearly 12 so kneading playdoh etc isn't really an option. Occasionally I try and play a game with him but we're either battling and nagging with him to do his homework in between distractions and him running and jumping and shrieking around. And I just go into sensory overload from it all.

As for HRT I have been offered it and am currently looking into it, but unsure if it would really help me with this issue.

The thing is, it's just constant chaos in my house 😕

Thank you for this. Did you take HRT?

I'm like this and I'm not near menopause, I think it's just the way some people are wired.
Over the weekend we had a house guest and went to a kids party. For almost 48 hours I wasn't alone. I was with either with a shrieking child/children with DH or the guest and I really really felt it on Sunday night.

With ASD I find a lot of people (myself included) get overwhelmed far quicker than others do. Our jugs are already almost full so the slightest upset and it feels like chaos. Noise is one of those things that feels like chaos to me. The shrieking physically hurts my head.

The name of the condition is misophonia (spelling?) and I'm not sure if that's what you have. I think it's more likely a case of being overwhelmed and the sensory equivalent of being touched out.

You are not alone.

We have three under 9 and I could have written your post word for word.

I hide more than I should and then feel guilty, even though I love them to the moon and back.

I'm the kind of person who needs at least two hours to destress after doing something social though, and the constant noise and neediness have got me down more than I though they would since I've become a mum.

I give too much of myself I think, and carry too much mum guilt for wanting some me time.

I can completely understand this , fortunately I don't have small children.
Have you explained all this to your husband when it's calm ?
It must be horrendous at times.
Sorry no advice but sympathies.

I understand everything that you are saying. I was the same with a son who shrieked and shouted and made silly noises (ADHD/ASD).

Topped by noisy neighbours with two boys who were also constantly shouting and shrieking, I felt I couldn't escape.

I was peri and hrt really helped. I started to felt calm and able to deal with things rationally. We moved house (no neighbours now), unfortunately had to come off hrt for a while but I'm going back on it ASAP! I can definitely notice the difference with the irrational noise (and other) tolerance.

In answer to your question, I tried HRT (various ones over a number of years).

I had to be put on a low dose patch because of migraines. It only helped with the hot flushes, not the over stimulation.

I no longer take HRT as I’m post menopausal, I think it made me more tired. But is worth trying, everyone is different.

Look into magnesium and vit deficiency for noise sensitivity. I was the same and peri menopausal and improved my tolerance by taking Vogel Menopause Support, viatmin B complex and Evening primrose oil. I'm far calmer now and can deal.with the constant bombardment. Also look into Flare earbuds.