If your twin is no longer alive how do you manage on your birthday ?

[amberedover]

I find other people's expectations that I should celebrate very difficult .I completely understand that they are wishing me a happy birthday and thinking of me ,but I find it hard .
Couple of phone calls and messages today asking me what my plans are and I just want to hide under the duvet .I find it easier to explain when responding to messages but the phone calls I find more difficult. The person sounds so bright and breezy (as you do wishing someone Happy Birthday )and it feels harder to completely change the tone .
It's only been a couple of years so I guess it will become more familiar .In the meantime any suggestions for polite phrases to warn people that I'm not feeling that jolly ?

Its just another day, always a little celebration with friends but always very low key.

Not the same but my mum died on my birthday and it's never been the same, even the day she died people were wishing me a happy birthday! It does get easier though and I never work on my birthday so I see less people

It probably won't ever leave you. You deserve to have a nice day too so maybe they are thinking that but I understand it will be so difficult for you. You could respond by saying you are thinking of your twin today. 💗
One thing is true though, those we love and who loved us would always want us to be happy. I hope you can have a calm day. Sorry for your loss.

Thank you all for your posts ,I'm touched that strangers have taken the time to be so kind .It's much appreciated .

I'm relieved that I'm not the only twin who sometimes wanted a birthday to herself - thank you @BiscuitTins

And thank you for the link to the website @Didiplanthis

I have a twin brother and we are still very close even at 57 years of age and have always done our best to celebrate our birthdays together along with my husband who also shares a birthday with us .Cannot imagine what it will be like when one of us is not there.

So sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how tough that is.

Have you read about social & physical death? A lady in a nursing home can die socially before she dies physically- no friends or family left- but people can die physically first, as in your twin, .....you can keep them alive socially by remembering them, talking about them, writing about them. Lighting a candle, spending a day doing what they loved. I lost a brother, I try to focus on doing these things.

I completely understand your perspective. Birthdays have always been celebrated with you and your twin as your special day together. Now that their gone, its more of a reminder of the death than the birth. its a very painful empty feeling.

What I've done to help manage a bit, is on our birthday, I give a gift to the American Cancer Society and set off balloons in his honor. It gives me a sense of satisfaction we are still celebrating together, he is loved, and always will be remembered.

Best wishes to you!