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Original poster

Friendship

17 replies

88smith · 18/01/2023 14:39

I have been friends with someone on and off for a few years but really good friends for the last year. We text everyday, go to the gym together, see each other sometimes. I count him as my best friend. I saw him at the weekend and we got on really well. Since then he’s been a bit off with me, saw him earlier and was fine in person. We’ve been texting and avoided what I said about meeting up again soon. He said that we’re mates but when asked if he likes spending time with me he said no. He won’t speak anymore about it and I told him I was upset.
Hes been a good friend to me and I don’t want to lose him as a friend but can I be friends with someone who doesn’t like spending time with me?

OP posts:
FunnyWorldWeLiveIn · 18/01/2023 14:52

Are you just gym friends then?

GotAnyGrapez · 18/01/2023 14:53

Maybe he sees you as his gym buddy?

Original poster
88smith · 18/01/2023 14:56

We talk everyday about everything. We do other things apart from gym together. Food, drinks, shops etc

OP posts:
whattodo1975 · 18/01/2023 15:01

Maybe he has started a relationship with someone and thinks the level of contact with you is now inappropriate.

For the record I have never asked a friend of mine "do you like spending time with me?" I think he has panicked somewhat when you asked this and said a direct no, because he sees you as a friend only, and that kind of question will in his eyes have been your way to introduce the idea of becoming more than friends.

ILoveYouMoreTheEnd · 18/01/2023 15:04

Strange, maybe he has started to develop feelings beyond friendship and is worried it won't be reciprocate, or does he think you have additional feelings for him and is cooling off? It just sounds very sudden after years of friends, a year of being closer and messaging everyday and spending time outwith the gym to now not liking you 😑
Is the spending time with each other outwith the gym a recent thing?

Original poster
88smith · 18/01/2023 15:09

No have been spending time together and talking everyday for over a year, gym for around 8 months

OP posts:
Alaldlccmemsjzja · 18/01/2023 15:16

If someone said they didn’t like spending time with me I’d just block them

pocketvenuss · 18/01/2023 15:40

I'd just ask outright. 'Mate, are you serious? You think we are buddies but you dint like spending time with me? Wtf does that jean dude?'

gamerchick · 18/01/2023 15:44

Asking him if he likes spending time with you sounds like a leading question to something more than just friends. Maybe he's getting a vibe from you and doesn't know how to shut it down without hurting your feelings

Forthelast · 18/01/2023 15:50

You sound a bit too close for adults to sustain.

determinedtomakethiswork · 18/01/2023 15:57

Maybe he is moody, maybe he's met someone else. Either way for him to say he doesn't enjoy being with you, that's really horrible.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 18/01/2023 16:03

Do you keep asking him all these questions? You sound far too intense and involved. Leave the poor bloke alone.

SallyWD · 18/01/2023 16:11

I think it's one of 2 things. Either he fancies you and is feeling uncomfortable or he doesn't fancy you but feels the friendship is too intense or something. Maybe he thinks you fancy him?

StubbleAndSqueak · 18/01/2023 16:50

You sound a bit intense, I'd need some breathing space

Tamarindtree · 18/01/2023 17:04

It all sounds very intense, especially the texting every day when it appears you see each other a lot.

Trespassing · 18/01/2023 17:08

There’s something odd in this dynamic. I can’t imagine asking someone I considered my best friend whether he or she liked spending time with me, apart from anything else. It sounds as though he’s feeling crowded.

Betie · 22/01/2023 21:38

I've had this friend for 7 years and we have spent alot of time together through children doing same sport together but the past few months it's been very unsettling for me as when this awkwardness first started she thought there was something wrong and she was very ignorant with me so I asked her face to face what was wrong and she got upset but after speaking about it she had got it all wrong and we were totally fine with her saying how she does not want to lose me as a friend as she has invested a lot of time into our friendship but then things started to change with her, she started to make excuses when I asked to meet up for coffee and her messages were getting less and less as we use to message everyday,then one day I really needed a friend to chat about something but she didn't pick up so I sent her a text asking if she would ring me and it wasn't till hours later she messaged to say she was too busy with family so didn't have time and that was when I finally realised our friendship was over as she used the same excuses with another one of her friends also.
I was so hurt as I'd always been a great friend to her and helped her through loads of issues she has had in the years I've known her and never asked anything from her in all that time. So a couple of weeks ago there were a few of us out and she was there so I pulled her up nicely and asked what's been going on as I don't understand why she was being so cold with me even to the point of saying she was too busy to answer my messages but she is always on social media and that I can see that she had read my messages but she does not reply to then so she said I'm being silly and that she has just been busy so I thought right OK let's just forget about it all but then I've messaged her a few times and she is still ignoring my messages but she is saying I've done nothing wrong so do I just leave it now as obviously she does not like confrontation and just take it that it's over

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