More empathy after having children?

[Ilikemeat2023]

Anyone else have more emotions and empathy after having their children? My husband mentioned this to me the other day that he cares much more about other people since having children and I feel the same way. I can’t even read the news anymore!

Obviously I can only comment on myself and my own feelings here, I’m not suggesting people without children don’t care.

Absolutely. I could read terrible things, feel briefly sad and move on with my day before kids. I cannot read about cases of child cruelty or tragic deaths at all now or I am unsettled for a couple of days.

More empathy after children? Um, not in all cases!

I don't have children, but I find it harder to tolerate harrowing news stories than I did a few years ago. I do have a 6 year old nephew, and I find it pretty unbearable to imagine him feeling scared or heartbroken, or being hurt by someone. I think it hits you harder when you can imagine a specific child / children in that situation, I don't think they necessarily have to be your own

If you have to have children to feel empathy, you must be a pretty terrible person. It’s like men who say now they have a daughter they’ve stopped being misogynistic, that’s not a good thing.

I don't think I have more empathy but I do struggle more with sad news stories involving children because the thought of it happening to mine is terrifying, but I wouldn't define that as me having more empathy - I already knew those things were awful for the people involved. I just find it harder to consider them now.

I’ve seen this happen with some people but usually people who were a bit unbothered about other people before. People who already had empathy stayed the same.

Yes definitely feel more affected...I work with vulnerable children as a job and whilst I have more empathy for the parents in some situations, knowing how hard parenting is, I also feel worse for the children as I often imagine my own kids going through that and how awful that would be for them.I also can't expose myself to documentaries/news articles/books about child murders/deaths...hurts too much to think about what they went through and how their poor parents must feel :(

Er, no.
Call me strange, but murder and abuse always made me a bit cross.
I find all those people who say things like "now I'm a mother" a bit sociopathic really. What? You didn't give a fuck children got murdered before you had one? Say what?
Tbf, the "now I'm a mother"/"hug my little boy closer tonight" people are a bit virtue signalling.

My DH still struggles with empathy even with DC 😂

@Toothpastestripe I’ve always been very empathetic and of course found distressing things extremely upsetting. Its just now that I have children I’m affected much more deeply by awful things that I hear about. This is just personally I’m not projecting my feelings onto others

Not sure I agree. Some people become tiger mother types so are actually more awful post children! I think age gives more empathy often. That said I literally cannot watch a crime drama involving a child the same age and sex as my own.

This.

I find stories about children cut a little deeper now, especially if they're the same age as mine, but I don't think that's because I have more empathy. It's natural for things that seem closer to home to seem more upsetting.

On the whole, I care just as much about other people as I ever did.

I think maybe your wording isn’t quite right. I don’t think it’s more empathy (relating to how others feel/taking other perspectives), I think it might be that things distress you more when you’ve had children? And your tolerance for this is lower. That’s how it feels for me, anyway.

@PAFMO no that’s not what I’m saying. I’ve always been very empathetic. I remember visiting auschwitz as a 20 year old and it completely changed me as a person and affected me deeply. I just don’t think I could visit there now for example. It’s all too real. Having children has completely changed me, it really makes me think about mortality. I lost a baby too perhaps that has had an effect too

Yes I think it's this. I don't want to watch horror films any more, gritty dramas, films and series about kids going missing, etc. I don't understand how anyone could find the subject matter entertaining on any level.

Yes things do distress me much more than before. I’ll be sad for days and days reading a bad story in the news and won’t be able sleep at night. I realise now just how much my parents love me too which makes me feel even more sad for everyone who looses someone.