State with Tutor Vs Private

[Felix01]

Looking at options DD aged 9 in year 5 has dyslexia but was assessed as having a higher than average IQ by an educational psychologist. They said with the right support she would thrive at school. Support hasn't really been forthcoming which I understand because of budgets. I have recently started paying for a tutor once a week, there's also a small local independent school which has good dyslexia support.

We have a good household income 140k in the north but we aren't very middle class at all. I'm very WC and so is my DH , we live in an ex LA house and don't drive fancy cars So I'm wondering will my DD be picked on struggle to fit in? I've worked out the costs it will probably be 15-17k with all the extras thrown in per year. A private tutor 5 days per week would cost £7800 which I wouldn't do but I would increase to maybe two or three times a week.

You’ve answered your own question with the words small local independent school. Who d’you suppose is going to be there - Russian oligarchs with palaces across five continents, Silicon Valley billionaires, Middle Eastern princesses???

Unless you hang out with Premier League footballers you’re already richer than almost all the parents at that school - many of whom will be sacrificing holidays or relying on grandparents to pay the (really not very high) fees. You probably already go on further flung holidays than most …

Look, there’s a thread running at the moment on ‘cultural capital’:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4722095-cultural-capital-is-only-for-the-wealthy?reply=123158975

Obviously I can’t be sure exactly what you mean by not being ‘very middle class at all’ - but with all your money what stops you reading books and visiting art galleries and attending concerts? Or taking an interest in the news and discussing politics, the environment, the position of women in society with your daughter?

I’m very familiar with ‘the North’. It’s hardly short of restaurants, conservatoires, theatre, stately homes, places to engage in rowing and sailing, modern architecture. And I’m pretty sure you can get Radio 4 there …

Hmm - perhaps you’re pulling our legs? (And wasting my time.)

Whether that particular school would improve your daughter’s education and quality of life - you’ll need to investigate further.

I already read books as does DD and we occasionally visit museums , I take DD to art galleries as she loves art. We live rurally so thats not something we do very regularly. I have no interest in sailing. I discuss politics but yes I'm from a WC family as is my DH. I'm not interested in keeping up appearances as many of the more MC with less money do.

Who will her mates be? Would go with state and extra tutoring

You’re being quiet … literal! It wasn’t a prescriptive list - just a general survey of some of the things people consider markers of middle class life.

People reading your thread have no idea if your neighbours display middle class behaviour in an ‘organic’ way or a ‘keeping up appearances’ way. But if you don’t like the ethos or parent base of the local independent school, then obviously you’ll choose somewhere else for your daughter …

‘quite’ not ‘quiet’.

I would be finding out in a great deal of detail exactly how good their provision for dyslexia is... and whether any extra support is going to cost you more than expected. Sadly many private schools, well many schools full stop, say they are great with dyslexia, other SEN etc. (especially if they are small and need the pupils) but the reality can be very different from the PR.

Why aren't you getting the support you need in mainstream now? I would be pushing much harder for proper support now, engaging with the SENCO, giving the school a very clear expectation of what support you want, applying (myself not relying on the school to do this) for an EHCP etc.

Having a tutor every day apart from being expensive could be exhausting, although you might still need a tutor at the private school if their provision isn't as good as expected...

Is this for immediate purposes or are you looking for secondary options?
If you switch now, would that impact choices for secondary?

I agree that it's vital that you check how good the dyslexia provision at the private school actually is. Some small and struggling private schools talk up their SEN provision, while in reality it doesn't really exist, or is amateur. Whereas much larger comprehensive schools can have very good provision (you need to shop around). If your only interest in the private school is dyslexia provision, I think I'd probably find the best state school provision and pay for extra tutoring, without going over the top with the extra hours for your DC.

Also if you are needing an EHCP in an independent school in the uk unless it's actually named school on the EHCP the parents foot the bill for the first 13 hrs of extra support which is £6k on top of school fees ....,

If it's a named school on EHCP you don't pay the 13hrs / £6k per yr

If you think she needs EHCP - apply now as a parent

Basically the local independent will only be doing admission for year 6 there will be no spaces in year 7. So I need to make the decision soonish we are attending the open day early February.

To me having support ‘built in’ to the school sounds better than having a tutor every day which might feel very onerous. But admittedly I don’t know what the school would offer.

I think find out as much as you can about the school, join groups, ask local parents etc.

I'm not sure she would qualify for an ECHP she can read and write but based on her raw ability she's not reaching her true potential. Educational psychologist told me her IQ is high, She should theoretically be one of the top of the class and this was evidenced when she grasps something her grades rapidly improve but theres no time to properly help her reach potential .

She's not bottom of the class not does she cause disruption so she gets forgotten about. I have spoken to her primary school numerous times and no extra support gets put in place, I'd be happy to contribute to the school budget instead of forking out on tutors and private education.

In my experience, there's a real mix of families at small independent schools. I'd go along and see if the 'feel' of the school is right for you and your daughter, and whether you think the SEN provision is as good as has been advertised.

I find this a v interesting topic and is something some of my friends with older kids have had the 'dilemma' of.
In my personal experience, you are better off going state school with a tutor ("state plus" as I believe it's called).

My neighbour's son is dyslexic, and possibly has ADHD too though not yet formally diagnosed, but our 'lovely local private school' has a HORRENDOUS SND department to the point that the parents of SND kids actually pay extra for support as part of their termly fees to pay for extra on-site support staff. He lasted a term there before she pulled him out and now he's at an absolutely great local academy, and she puts the money she'd set aside for school fees to a great tuition company who have specialist SND staff, plus tutors for the topics he finds challenging.

We use the same tuition company for our kids and after a lot of consideration of the 7+ for our middle son, we've instead opted to follow the same model of sending him to a state primary, then the local academy and 'topping up' with tuition. The support our kids get from this company is a lot more 'personalised' than any help they'd get at our local private schools. If you'd like their details, feel free to PM me (I know finding a good tutor, especially one for SND, is like finding hen's teeth, so always happy to pass on a recommendation!!)

LOL at the poster culture shaming the OP.

But do you even take your children to stately homes at the weekend?

We are in The North and our DC are/were at Private school.
The super rich there are few and far between (I can think of 2 in my daughters year that I know of). Most of us are pretty Mc Accountants, Doctors, Business owners, Teachers etc
I am sure it varies from school to school but not all Private schools are full of very rich posh people who will look down on you if you aren’t one of them

Absolutely plump for the small independent. My son attends the same and the support he receives is just lovely. There's a good mix of kids and parents. Everyone I've met is very grounded and far less cliquey than at the gates of his state primary a few years back.

In my ( limited fair enough) experience, there are many, many parents downsizing and making do to send their kids to independent schools. We are very ordinary and have nowhere near the income you have. I'm sure there are lots of very posh schools, but they're certainly not all like that

I'm not sure she would qualify for an ECHP she can read and write but based on her raw ability she's not reaching her true potential.
Schools don't really do "true potential". They are a production line that has to get as many as possible to "good enough".
If you want individual attention then you have to pay for it. Go State plus tutor.

Don't write off all State schools based on your experience of one Primary. Shop around to find a secondary school that does better-than-average support for dyslexia and top up with the tutor. If you go for a selective State school, make sure that you have a formal diagnosis so you can ask for special access arrangement for the entrance exam.

She has a formal diagnosis thank god which I had to fork out nearly £1000 with an educational psychologist. School wouldn't pay for any assessments.

Mmm … I’m not sure you’ve understood my post. At all.

So you are hoping that if she gets a Y6 place she will automatically progress to Y7 at the same school?
Do check that this is the case - some private schools do weed out some pupils, despite promising they have automatic progression.

How small is small? I would be concerned if it is very small at secondary level as this can significantly reduce the range of subjects and extra curricular activities offered - especially for GCSE.
Also check that they are financially viable and likely to remain open for the time your DD will be attending.

If you can afford it and the independent school gives you the right vibes, I'd give it a try. Dh is dsylexic/had a speech delay and went to a (quite posh) independent school from Y7. He comes from a middle class background, but more of a traditional farming one, not an MP/Eton one (dad was a police officer, mum was a teacher, rest of the family all farmers). While he actually didn't love the school (because it was quite posh), he does say it made a world of difference in terms of the support he got and how well he did in life. I absolutely think it's worth a try if you can afford it, because it sounds like the support is good, but also your dd will have access to facilities and trips and other academic support which just isn't possible in a state school.

lovely local private school has a HORRENDOUS SND department to the point that the parents of SND kids actually pay extra for support as part of their termly fees to pay for extra on-site support staff

This is a fairly standard set up in private. You either pay for 1-2-1 support 2-3 times a week or group sessions of 2/3 children. For us it works out to be an extra £140 per term, which is wonderful value for money and has done wonders for both my DD’s. It’s certainly cheaper than the external tutoring DD1 did in Y5/Y6.

We had the same quandary both Dds are dyslexic, we had a 2 year long nightmare with our village school before finally giving up. Imo you really can’t go wrong with the level of SEN support available in private. Of course this is very much dependent on each individual school. Depending on the areas your dc finds difficult or is excelling at I would still get a tutor to support those areas but only once a week.

I’d choose a school with good pastoral care, word of mouth recommendation from multiple sources over a flashy open day. And if possible speak to the SENCO lead to understand how they’d support your Dc.