Do you get time on your own

[Itsabitmuch]

I have to constantly deal with stuff. Everything comes to me . It's basically been on going for many years I don't know how much more can be thrown at me. Just to name a few . 2 evictions with children, DV for my daughter which triggered social services. And is still on going for the past couple of years. My grandson was almost put into care . Although he was not that was one of the worst times ever. And I'm still heavily supporting my daughter with the situation. Then my teenage son he's been through a really hard time with his mental health and had shown lots of aggression towards me. To the point I was/am scared of him. The times he smashed up my house. The times he's jumped from the window and gone missing .or come in at silly times of the mornings. Things come to ahead when he took an overdose and CAMHS actually stepped up after us begging for help. It took for my son to OD before they done anything. With my son he's not as aggressive now although he's still very demanding and I do still feel on edge with him.

On top of all that. I have the house to look after and the kids in general terms. Even if I go in the kitchen to cook /make food I'm on borrowed time. Because my 15 year old makes a thing with everyone. Its either the 15 and 12 year old arguing and going on. Or the 15 year old having a go at the 6 and 7 year old for playing or making a noise and he likes to take over everything. It sounds like I'm constantly blaming on the 15 year old but there is lots of issues with him. I'm not saying the others don't play some part but his gos to far. And because of his aggression I'm more wary and have to be sure the other children are safe. Then the kids moan at me that the food is crap such as chicken nuggets or fish fingers . But I can't cook properly because I'm on borrowed time.

Things that should be simple like popping to the shop or a dentist appointment I have to take all 3 kids instead of just the 2 because I can't leave the 12 year old with the 15 year old .

I don't get (any) time on my own at all. My son does not go to school so he's constantly here. He's very over baring and does not know when to stop. Last night he went to stay at my adult daughters house last night. I felt like I was going to get the whole day on my own. Music on. Have a tidy up day. No one speaking to me. But no he changed his mind and came home. And now I have adult dd here as well because they are doing something later.

I love my kids to bits I truly do. But I just want a bit of me time. Sorry if my post is hard to understand. Or a bit mixed up. Just a sound of really.

@WildFlowerBees it’s realistic not cruel. I am one of 5 siblings. We are all in our 30’s now. We get on great and all have good jobs, our own homes, no issues but my DM still never gets a second to herself by the time she visits us all, visits her grandkids, minds her grandkids and so on. @Itsabitmuch isn’t going to get any time to herself for a long time. Something that should be thought about before having so many children. Again no reference to any of the fathers and where they are?

Your honestly not getting it. You honestly think my post is about general parenting. Having a bit of to myself just because I feel to. No this gos deeper than you understand.

It's very different being busy because you're visiting your kids and grandkids to being so overwhelmed because you have a teen with mental health issues that there's very little support for. Your 'realistic' is based on your childhood. The op is overwhelmed and really doesn't need someone lacking in compassion and empathy making pointless remarks.

She's not looking to be fixed, she wanted somewhere to share how she feels, it really doesn't take much to see another is struggling and show some kindness or just not comment at all.

I'm not sure it's just the me time you crave. I think you're probably on high alert constantly.. therefore you probably never relax. You're constantly on edge? Am I right?

Definitely because I'm always waiting for something.

Yes living like that is exhausting and stressful. Not quite the same but my two DC struggled in lockdown and I was constantly on edge worrying about them and never felt relaxed. It's incredibly hard. I hope things improve for you.

The whole situation sounds really dysfunctional. Have you been offered family therapy?

Yes. But ds won't do it. So that's a no go.

School were awful. Tried to get support for my sons with his mental health. The school were no support at all. My son went missing in school. And they found him in the toilets self harming. Safe guarding rang me up shouting down the phone at me she also made silly threats like my child Benefit will stop . I did not even react to that. After fighting for it ds was put on a part time. Time table. Ds was meant to start at 1pm but he turned up at 12 instead. And she had a go at him phoned me up having a go at me as well. At this point we had support from early help . And safe guarding kept telling us how she was really good friends with the early help guy. She got so nasty one day, that I rang the early help guy . And i told him everything she had been saying about him and the things he had apparently said about us . He reassured us that he was not friends with her. He had met her on a couple of occasions from working with other children. He also said the stuff she had been saying was not true . He was really angry about the situation he wrote her an email that he said he had to show his manager as he was writing in anger and could not say the wrong thing.

The guy from early help . Helped us to deregister. The education authority made contact with us and I told her the whole situation and they understood. She also had contact with the early help guy. After a while we set up a place for him in college. Which he went to around 3 ish times. Because he decided the maths teacher was out to get him and he refused to go back.

Early help have closed the case now.

We had been on CAMHS waiting list for a long time begging for help and getting no where. No one was listening. Then one night I was in my living room . Ds sent a message saying . Mum I love you I'm sorry for everything. I said I love you to. And asked him if he wanted me to go to him. He said no, I knew something was not right. Do I went to check . He was white shaking sweating abd lying in his own sick . And empty pill packets . He had taken 98 tablets. An ambulance took 2.5 hours to arrive . He spent 2 days in hospital and that's what it took for hom to start getting help .

During the 1st week or so after trying to end his life he had phone calls or video calls everyday. The education authority also made contact as they were told what happend. She said that she's not going to put any preasure on ds/us due to ds mental health and what's happend.

Ds is now being seen properly by CAMHS.

Regarding my other children's education. The 6 and 7 year old don't question anything. At all. He's alot bigger than them so they might just think he's left school now.

My 12 year old gos to school fine as well . She enjoys going has good friends. Doing well education wise

Sorry that was longer than intended. I hope it has answered your questions though.

Im currently hiding in the utility folding up washing.

I wish I could hide 😅

Lock down was such an odd time. Familys were effected in many different ways some more than others. I hope things are better for you now. Hope nothing like that ever happens again