Help. How to react!

[JustWhattheDoctorOrdered]

This isn't a serious situation but I'm not sure how to react! My friend and I discussed going on holiday together this summer. She offered to organise it. She has just messaged saying she has found somewhere and wants to talk to me about it as she has a short window to book (she's really busy). But, she asks if it is ok for another friend of hers to come with her daughter. I am a more the merrier type of person and sociable enough but I have never met the woman and also don't speak the same language as her. My friend says it is their only chance of a holiday this summer (other woman has recently divorced and is short of money and deserves a break).

I love my friend and she is coming to stay with me in April (lives in a different country) but honestly can take or leave the summer holiday and don't want to share it with someone I don't know plus a child I don't know. I would not be fed up in the slightest if I didn't go on the holiday. We are old friends and there will be another chance to holiday and I could do with saving the money as well. But we have discussed this holiday so often. I feel embarrassed about backing out and really don't want to say that the main reason is the other woman. What shall I say?

Just say no!

Yes, obviously I want to say no. But I can't call and say 'no' and then out the phone down. I need to know how to say I don't really want a holiday with a stranger, but I'm not bothered about the holiday anyway so it's fine. I risk coming across as anti social and not wanting a holiday with friend. What is a diplomatic way to say I don't want to?

I will pass on this occasion but hope you and your friend and her daughter have a lovely time.

You don’t have to give a reason.

If you feel you must then unless she’s thick it’s perfectly ok not to want to go on holiday with someone give never met and their child which will change the whole dynamic of the holiday.

The fact she’s has even asked is astounding.

Thanks for the replies.

I think I do have to give a reason. She is my best friend. We have seen each other every summer for about 15 years. We have had a long and excited discussion about this years' holiday just a couple of days ago. I have to say something other than simply, no.

I think I'll give it a miss this time, I'd prefer it to be you and I, let's try and sort something for next year.

Of course you need to give a reason. People who think it’s reasonable to just say no with no discussion on something like this must not have many friends! I think you should be honest. It’s a little awkward but with an old/good friend it will be OK. I would absolutely not want to go on holiday with a stranger and her child so your friend will probably understand. You may find your friend would rather holiday with you and not take the other person so if what you really want is to get out of it you should be clear.

Hi Friend .. so very happy to hear the holiday group has got bigger , I've been worrying if I can afford it and now don't feel so awkward when I say I'll pass this time

Hope you all have a wonderful time and hopefully I'll be joining you next time once I've sorted my finances

Thanks.

@catmademedoit that's a really good response!

If she's your long time best friend, I'd just tell her the truth. I wouldn't feel comfortable, but have a lovely time.

For me another person wouldn’t be an issue but the child would (assuming you don’t have children) as that would change the dynamic massively.

@BertaHoon if I tell her I don't want to go because of the other woman then she will almost certainly choose me to go with. I don't want her to do that. It sounds like the other woman does need a holiday more than me and I can see my friend later in the summer when I visit her country to see family plus I could do with cutting back on spending.

@Flameshame I have grown up kids. I love children but I am past that stage!

I would also be concerned about the ‘short of money’ and wonder how that will pan out if you are expected to help them out paying for meals and ice creams for the kid.

You might not be asked directly but if your mate is treating the kid you might feel awkward when it’s your turn to order.

I'd probably have just replied

'Oh you know what? I think it'd be lovely for you and friend to go away - I know she's had a tough time! I think I'll give it a miss though, hope you understand - can't wait to see you in April!!'

@the
@thaegumathteth that is a great response!

If she really is your best friend, you should be able to tell her the truth. You aren't backing out, she is the one who changed the entire situation without even speaking to you about it.

Do you think your friend only wants to take the other woman and child IF you go as well, thus you telling her you don't want to go really scuppers the whole plan?

You do need to be honest I think.

"I don't fancy the holiday with stranger and child of stranger. I've been thinking about my finances and with wanting to do things with you when you visit in April and then my visit to family in the late summer, it might be a blessing in disguise if we change the plans. But please lets plan to do that holiday or something just us two next year"