I need to change my life! But how?

[KeithBurtons]

I’m 46, single mum to three (teens/end of primary), I work in a specialist professional role full time and have an early morning minimum wage job to make ends meet.

I’m totally bored of my normal job, I’m dealing with different subjects every day but using the same skills to do it so not actually growing. Good employer but have been there since I graduated in various roles and JUST SO BLOODY BORED

However it is really stable and I need this stability to pay the mortgage etc.

I feel like my life is just the most dull thing ever. I get up, work 2 jobs, ferry the children round and do housework, go to bed. And repeat. And repeat. AND BLOODY REPEAT!

My work is sapping my joie de vivre. I’ve no enthusiasm for it. But I’m stuck because it pays relatively well and whilst I am v experienced it’s so specialist I have no qualifications in it. I don’t even want to do anything similar, I’m just totally fed up of the corporate environment.

I don’t know how to make a change. I want to run away with the children to a kibbutz and feed ponies.

Not sure really what I want out of this post but am shouting into the void I guess. I am so so unfulfilled.

Can't add much other than "same here".

35 and working in a specialist professional role that gives me so much flexibility with hours that i work and working from home but i would rather be off in the Countryside or at the Lakes just relaxing.

I might win the lottery one day.

First of all, do you know what it is you want to do? The ‘how’ to do it is difficult if you don’t know what you’re aiming for.
If you don’t know what you want to do, that’s a good place to start

Sorry you're feeling this way. The relentlessness is tough isn't it.

Something that has helped me from time to time, when it's not possible to make big ones, is to try to get a bit of extra joy and novelty in little things. I had this little project of doing one new thing every day. Starting REALLY small, like buying a different type of teabag than usual and trying it out, or walking backwards up my front path, or writing my shopping list with my non dominant hand. Adding a different herb to my pasta sauce.

Then I progressed to slightly bigger new things like using a different carpark/bus stop and so walking a slightly different way to work. Buying a new hat in a different shape. Getting my coffee somewhere else. Doing an online exercise class.

It has a surprisingly huge effect on my mood and sense of well being. I really get into the planning of the new thing each day and enjoy trying it. I read about this somewhere and it recommended writing down the new thing each day and how you felt about it. I didn't do that religiously but it was fun for a week or two as well as a new little activity.

Apparently trying things that are new/different can help with new pathways in the brain (or something like that) which can help get you out of a mental rut both physiologically and figuratively.

Anyway - I recommend it. But of course, please ignore if it doesn't sound helpful for you.

Sorry *make big changes

@SamBl1987 sorry you’re feeling it too!

@amidsummernightsdream there are a billion things I’d like to do instead. None of which will pay the bills :( I’d love to work in a caring profession, supporting people with learning disabilities, or being a post natal doula, palliative care or paediatric nursing, running community projects, basically somewhere I might have an impact. But I have a family to support and a mortgage to pay- I’ve looked at downsizing the house to something even more modest (it’s not exactly a palace as it is) but I’d be spending the same amount on a smaller place that I bought this house for because prices have gone up. So unless it’s a caravan I’m stuck :(

Just feel a bit defeated by everything!

It sounds as though you're working incredibly hard with two jobs and just don't have the time or money to do things for yourself. Does your ex pay child support?

Apart from a kibbutz if you could do any kind of job, what would it be? Where would you live if you could live anywhere you wanted?

How old are your children? Will any of them go off to uni soon?

@FlamingoOfDoom thats a really kind post, thank you! I do little things for myself. A pretty china tea cup and saucer, some nice hand cream every day, favourite music when cooking dinner etc etc and am generally a positive person. But I feel like my life has reached a bit of a cross roads where I know I need to make some changes but just can’t see how!

@ICanHideButICantRun I would either be doing one of the jobs above or I’d be an archaeologist, grubbing about in the mud with a small trowel and brush 😂

ExH does pay child support. To the tune of £130 a month on his £100k+ salary. He’s a delight. (And I’m delighted he an ex!)

If I could live anywhere it would be right in the area I already am, it’s beautiful and a gorgeous mix of wild countryside and rural market town. Perfect for me and the dog to get some green space in our day.

How much in the way of household chores is done by the dc, and would they be able to take on responsibility for anything else? The eldest supervising the youngest's homework for instance, or meal planning. Anything that frees up a small amount of your time would make a difference to you.

Maybe a family chat round the table is called for.

How would you feel about earning a LOT of money part time, to have a more fulfilling free time?

It certainly sounds better than balancing two jobs to make ends meet?

I'm retraining in IT - I've done one exam independently, now doing a government skills bootcamp. Reasonable expectation of progressing to 60k within a couple of years (though I do have some sector experience), 100k if I'm particularly good.

I will buy in whatever home support I need, and compress/go PT to actually enjoy life.

Well this sounds perfect!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-64153693?at_link_id=394D319E-9011-11ED-B81E-51160EDC252D&at_medium=social&at_ptr_name=facebook_page&at_campaign_type=owned&at_bbc_team=editorial&at_link_origin=BBC_News&at_campaign=Social_Flow&at_format=link&at_link_type=web_link&fbclid=IwAR1HGQPQHVypZXFZDwTPIwMKH1angnGCiYyJGE6z1vzyuNXUPFZICSpJJ9s

I'm exhausted just reading your post!

You need a break!

Ju you think you could get away for some "me time" so you can properly reflect and focus? Would your ex have the kids in order for you to facilitate this? Surely it's the least he could do?

Would you be able to study to gain the necessary qualifications in the area you are currently working in? Maybe work would fund it? Although I appreciate you are "time poor", they might offer you a day release programe or something? Might be worth investigating don't you think?