Mum’s negative influence

[Mumof2under5]

My sibling and I are both married to our respective partners and have kids. My mother constantly has bad stuff to say about my SIL (incl. SIL’s mum) and also how she doesn’t get any time to connect with my sibling since marriage etc

I find she’ll jump on all and any bandwagons to say bad about them or/ and imply they have negative intentions towards me and my family.

In terms of how they treat me, it’s fine and good. But I find myself seeing them and their interactions with me through a bitchy/ negative lens as a result of my mum’s stance…

I struggle to maintain objectivity… I want to keep good relations with my sibling & their family…. But find constant drip feed of negativity from my mum about any little thing they do erodes my own positive attitude and goodwill towards them…

Any thoughts on what I can do? btw, my mum is incapable of changing so I have to be the one to take the action to manage the situation

Have you ever wondered whether your mum badmouths you to your sibling?

She doesn’t as they don’t give her much time to talk… she’s always complaining that she can’t really talk to them… which I find silly because if you want to talk about something important then you can schedule some time in - even for 10mins right?

She’s also generally negative about everyone and everything which I find so so so draining… always suspicious or finding a negative slant to other people’s motives…

She’s the martyr who continues to stay stuck in an unhappy marriage for the sake of her kids (now adults)…

I feel like she depends on me as her confidante/ friend as she doesn’t confide or get along with her hubby/ other children and has at best 1 friend…

All this makes me feel terribly sad for her situation, and also feel pressured that I have to support her

Apart from the unhappy marriage that sounds like my mum. I just cheerfully remind her that her son knows how to use the phone and her DIL isn’t holding him hostage or keeping him so run off his feet he can’t call. He chooses not to.

Shes getting more negative with age, it’s a real struggle to get through the calls about all the awful people in her vicinity!

Sadly I have no advice to give - just solidarity!