5 year old withholding wee

[Weewithholder]

I’ve name changed as I’ve talked about this with friends !

My 5 year old has starting refusing to wee, gradually over the past two months .

Some background history- From age 2-3.5 years old she was a poo withholder, through 12 months of movical and working with consultant we managed to get through it with no long term issues .
DD has been assessed and is diagnosed with sensory processing disorder and they are keeping an eye over the next 12 months as she shows traits of PDA and ASD.
She is extremely sociable , does well in school and attends after school activities which she loves .

She is extremely defiant and has started to refuse to go to the toilet to wee. We managed originally with a story board and that worked for a week. We then ( rightly or wrongly) gave her 5 cent for her money box every time she did a wee. That worked for four days. We then gave her a Jelly every time she went . Worked for one day .
Nothing works now and after tears & tantrums today she has only gone twice .
Im getting very concerned and don’t know what to do next . I don’t know if it’s linked to something sensory or it’s her way of showing defiance ?
I’ve had her checked with Gp and no infection so it’s not that

Sorry it’s so long but I’m at my wits end with worrying , it seems to be one thing after another with her!
Plese has anyone any advice on different approaches I could take next ?

@Weewithholder I have autism and I was exactly the same as a child. I still do not like toilets (even my own at home) they are cold, uncomfortable, noisy. I also do not like the sensations of my own bodily functions. I also have OCD. However, as an adult, I know that I have to go to the loo so I do. As a child however, even though I was very 'high functioning' I hated it and would avoid it. It was only when my consultant asked me why and I worked with my support at school that I could explain.

Not Dx your DD btw, just sharing my story.

My 4 year old (who as far as I know is NT) probably only wees twice a day most days 🙄. He's ridiculously stubborn and will it go when he's bursting, rarely if asked to. I used to bribe him with a sweetie to go before we were going out in the car but he'd still be reluctant, sat he didn't need to then usually eventually did (when his big brother was getting a sweetie) and usually do a big wee. I don't bother now, I ask him and remind him sometimes but don't try to make him go. So just saying you're not alone. It's one of those things they know they can control so I've given up making it a thing.

@PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog thank you for your reply
She does say the floor is cold so I put down a warm towel to stand on but other times she just goes herself and the floor doesn’t bother her .
Looking back , could your parents have done anything to make you go ?! Am so worried she will end up kidney issues

@ThePug thanks for your reply .
Myself and my 10 year old actually would wee less than most people! She was the same when she was small and would have to bribe her with a Jelly!
with this dd though , I’ve completely avoided asking her all day and last week she went before bed ( after me nagging and nagging !) and because I didn’t ask her when she woke up the next morning , she went the whole day without going , so about 20 hours until I finally just had to get her to .
There is times though when she is playing away that she will just go upstairs and go herself . I don’t know why or if it’s me asking or what it is 🤯

@Weewithholder I think it would have been quite hard for my parents to ask me tbh. I have some communication issues. Not in terms of producing speech, but about voicing my feelings, if that makes sense? I knew I wasn't scared of the loo, I knew needing the loo to the point of bursting was uncomfortable, but so was going, I felt stuck. It was only through doing work around the elements I did not like that we could start to address them. For example I don;t like bright lights, so my parents put low watt light bulb in the loo. made sure the radiator was on. did not use bleach to clean in there and gave me flannels to dry my hands on so I did not have to deal with a damp towel. I also had a timer that was set, so that some of the 'uncertainty' was removed for me. I felt more in control.

@PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog i really appreciate your insight
She seems ok with lighting but she does as I say have a thing with the coldness of the bathroom .
I will talk to her again tomorrow and try and understand what element she doesn’t like
Thanks again 💐

Is your DD having accidents? If not, I would not make an issue out of it. Increase her fluid intake so naturally she will need to go more. I work with children with autism (and have toilet trained several) - generally the rule is no fuss, do not draw attention to the issue as it will often have the opposite effect. Just get her to drink lots throughout the day!

@Weewithholder No problem, happy to share if it can help

@Tiggy321
Thank you , I did increase fluid as a way to get her to go but that still didn’t work . I’ve tried the not asking / making no issue out of it but then she just won’t go .
She luckily doesn’t have any accidents or
This is also only an issue the past few months so don’t know what has changed .
Have you had someone in your care like this?